Thoughts requested RE: Overseas Travel

[hardhatmummy]

Hi, Haven't posted in here in a while as things seemed to be going smoothly. However, today we are really stumped as to how to respond to the latest request. I am part of a co parenting team to 2 boys (15 &13) with my DH, his ex and her husband. Lately things have been cooperative and communicative. Happy families. Last week it was requested that they travel overseas to China in September school holidays for 2 weeks as part of an extended family holiday. We did the same thing to another country last year so of course we said yes and the swapping of days is amicable.

The issue is today a request was made by the same parents to take the boys on an overseas cruise for Christmas with the same extended family. We share Christmas so essentially my DH would have to forgo spending Christmas with his children and also not see his 15 yr old for over 5 weeks as there was an agreement already in place last year for him to travel to Vietnam with his school for 3 weeks. The dates proposed means he gets off the plane from Vietnam on a boat to the islands for another 2 weeks.

Now I don't usually have a problem with cultural experiences and if travel is required we can usually make it work. However, they went on a cruise for 2 weeks to NZ last New Years, they will be in China for 2 weeks, and then this. Our first response is you've got to be joking and a resounding no. However are we being too harsh. Is this normal? Our trip last year was 5 years in the making. The other family travels with the boys on a cruise yearly (usually within OZ) and additionally overseas for 1 week so this is not a once off occasion.

Please some thoughts would be appreciated. Try to be polite as we haven't responded but ultimately we enjoy our Christmases with them as its usually the only time off DH gets (construction worker) and we feel that 5 weeks OS is a bit much for a 15 yr old let alone his ability to hold his casual job for that long without working any shifts.

[bezzy]

Would they be willing to do the cruise over the Christmas holidays but not over Christmas Day itself?

[hardhatmummy]

That is one of our suggestions but I highly doubt it as they've said the Grandparents really want to do the Christmas cruise.

Thing is they were also on the New years cruise last year and they only saw them once. Fully expect this to happen again.

The boys also mentioned that this cruise was already booked straight after their last cruise in early Jan but we stupidly thought they changed to the trip to china instead and this wouldn't be asked of.

[BH-KatiesMum]

so away for September holidays and christmas?

actually - take the overseas part out of it altogether. What they do with the children when its their time is up to them.

What exact times are they requesting extra/changed etc? Is it just away for christmas or is it extra time as well as the fact that its over christmas? Is the September thing extra time?

If its not extra time, just that they would be away for christmas, and straight after being away on a school trip - I would be hesitant but to keep the peach I probably would be ok. If its extra time for both holidays and on top of the school stuff then I would probably suggest its too much

its a hard balance

[TheGooch]

This might not help but what do the 15 & 13 yo want to do?
I think at their ages it's part of the decision. Not the whole decision by any stretch, but part of it.
Agree with @BH-KatiesMum that if, other than Xmas day, there's no extra time involved, I'd probably try and make it work. Disappointing for you guys absolutely.
But this may mean that in future if you guys want to go away over Xmas or Easter or another special time for your family, the other side will hopefully be reasonable.
However, of this trip was booked so long ago, I would perhaps chat to them about checking in with you first, and as soon as possible. Rather than just assuming it will be ok.
I think it's great you all get along so amicably.

[Juventina]

I think it's great you all seem to be getting along.

The priority here should be the boys and as much as you guys look forward to your time with them, they are incredibly lucky to be around family and enjoying trips away.

I think the school trip shouldn't be put into the equation as lots of schools do trips now and it's a fantastic learning experience.

I personally would enjoy the special time with you and your partner knowing you can possibly plan something with them next holidays or Christmas. There will come a time when the boys won't want to visit either side much and indeed holiday with either so at least they seem to be offered opportunities to do things.
Casual jobs come and go and he may have already put in his unavailable dates which many places accept if there's plenty of staff.

If the role was reversed would you be ok if they said to your requests?
Enjoy yourself. There will be many more. special family moments to come.

[hardhatmummy]

Thank you all for the responses. I think our main concern that is just too much for anyone let alone a younger person with back to back travel to non western countries. All requests always include request for us to give up time and swap days. Its just their way. We are just worried about the 15 yr old getting sick and unwell starting y 11 as he will only get back with 2 weeks before school starts. And I suppose we know that saying no will result in WW10.... even if its because DH thinks its best for the kids. I think he is going to suggest that the 15 stay home or they just don't do a xmas one go a bit later to give him a break. Fingers crossed they can find a compromise.

[Mod-Wise Enough]

So not a single night home before he leaves again?

[hardhatmummy]

So not a single night home before he leaves again?

Based on dates from school straight of the plane onto the boat. May be a few hours in between.

[Mod-Wise Enough]

Well that seems a bit ridiculous, what if his flight is delayed a few hours? Does everyone else cruise and he gets left behind??