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  1. #1
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    Default Help! At my wits end

    Ds1 is 7.

    Great kid, but pushing my buttons unbelievably at the moment.

    I hate saying it like this, but it is true. His head is off in la la land 95% of the time.

    In 2 weeks of school he's lost:
    Brand new school jacket
    Drink bottle
    Swimming shorts

    He's had 2 weeks of school swim lessons, he's in the 2nd highest group. So he knows how to swim fairly well.
    He started a new swim school (out of school lessons) 3 weeks ago as we moved. For 3 weeks, I've watched him muck around in class. He's so disruptive, that if I was a mum of one of the other kids, I'd be livid at me (as the teacher spends half the time telling ds to stop mucking around). Today the teacher asked him to do backstroke. He purposely did freestyle - 3 times she asked - 3 times he did freestyle.

    I got a phone call from his teacher today. He had a $20 note. Someone noticed and asked why he had $20. Long story short he's taking money out of my wallet.
    Otherwise everyone in school loves him and he's well behaved. The only thing the ya her mentioned is that he's very disorganised (but that it's to be expected, rightly because home is only 7).

    He has everything he's ever wanted. We've told him repeatedly to behave. Our new consequence is to miss out on nippers or soccer. He still misbehaves. We I try and talk to him (still getting down to his level) he starts to giggle.

    I am sick of hearing my own voice yell. And I see him sad because of my yelling. My throat hurts from all the yelling.

    But I have no idea what to do. Nothing is working.

    Help.
    Last edited by misho; 17-02-2017 at 20:12.

  2. #2
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    Ps - it's not because he's moved house - we lived here 2 years ago and have moved back to where we were, so it's not like it's been a massive change from him.

  3. #3
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    Not sure about the other stuff, but the losing things is pretty common.

    Our 11 year old loses a lunch box every 4 weeks.... 9 year old hasn't lost a single item in over a year.

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    Ugh my son is 5 and acts like that as in he is quite smart but when he gets into moods he will go so silly and not listen and laugh at us.
    I understand how you feel.

    Are you concerned about anything like ADD? That's without the hyperactive part.
    He's able to focus ok when it really counts??

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bluebirdgirl View Post
    Ugh my son is 5 and acts like that as in he is quite smart but when he gets into moods he will go so silly and not listen and laugh at us.
    I understand how you feel.

    Are you concerned about anything like ADD? That's without the hyperactive part.
    He's able to focus ok when it really counts??
    Yes, he's fine. Not perfect - he definitely has a short attention span, but not overly something I'm concerned with. When he loves something he could send hours on it.

    I don't know if it's naughtyness or tiredness. What concerns me is that there is nothing that is a deterrent.

  6. #6
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    How is he when he is at home? The same as at swimming/school etc?
    What happened/ punishment when you spoke to him about the stolen $20? I think you need to address that. Maybe it's tied into him losing stuff. If he has always had everything he's ever wanted maybe he doesn't value things?
    Does his swim teachers have any ideas on how to get his attention? If he is well behaved in school is it something to do with swimming? Does he enjoy it? Maybe he is mucking up because he doesn't like it

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by misho View Post
    Yes, he's fine. Not perfect - he definitely has a short attention span, but not overly something I'm concerned with. When he loves something he could send hours on it.

    I don't know if it's naughtyness or tiredness. What concerns me is that there is nothing that is a deterrent.
    My daughter has ADD and can literally spend up to 3 or so hours without moving when she's doing what she likes ir iPad or computer game.
    Nothing deters my 5 year old. I think he is just too young to really get consequences yet. I don't think that started to work with my daughter until she was about 9 tbh. Some kids just take longer to mature.
    Maybe that's what's going on with your boy?

    I do know how utterly frustrating it is though. I truly empathise.
    We have asd and ADD in my family and quite often I suspect something might be going on with my 5 yr old son. For now I'm just seeing if he grows out of some of his quirks.
    Sometimes that's all it is.
    What does he say if you talk to him about his behaviour like when he's actually doing just fine if you bring it up that you don't like what he's doing at swimming and ask why? Does he engage?

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeful37 View Post
    How is he when he is at home? The same as at swimming/school etc?
    What happened/ punishment when you spoke to him about the stolen $20? I think you need to address that. Maybe it's tied into him losing stuff. If he has always had everything he's ever wanted maybe he doesn't value things?
    Does his swim teachers have any ideas on how to get his attention? If he is well behaved in school is it something to do with swimming? Does he enjoy it? Maybe he is mucking up because he doesn't like it
    Definitely doesn't value stuff, and we've addressed this now by deciding there are no bday presents in our house this year - no one is appreciative of what they have and they dont look after their possesions. They can have an experience instead (perhaps a cool cafe or day trip somewhere fun).

    I think he's old enough to understand now that money doesn't grow on trees, and that things cost lots of money. Eg: he wants a $30 lego set? He needs to save up $30. If he'd rather spend his saved-up $5 on a matchbox car, then he needs to start from scratch again for the lego set.

    The swim teacher is soooo relaxed. Gosh I hate swimming lessons in our new area - all the teachers let them muck around and have a play at the end. That doesn't work for my kids. I need to find somewhere where he has someone who says 'swim properly or you're out of the pool' - that is what he'd respond to - not in a horrible way, but he'd appreciate the sternness & honestly, he'd end up being a superstar within 3 weeks of that sort of tone. He just takes advantage of the fact that she's fun and she plays games and so it's cool to stick your head under water when shes speaking to you. Fwiw, I know he's not the only one - I see the lovely swim teachers be gentle with all the kids, and 60% of them aren't listening. So we'll be looking for elsewhere I think - I'm not paying for him to have a play - I'm paying for him to learn how to swim.
    Ps he loves swimming, which is why he mucks around - because he just loves to splash and have fun in the water. I don't even know that it's intentional, it's just the way he is. But he has no concept that it's not appropriate to be silly all of the time.
    Last edited by misho; 20-02-2017 at 14:11.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bluebirdgirl View Post
    My daughter has ADD and can literally spend up to 3 or so hours without moving when she's doing what she likes ir iPad or computer game.
    Nothing deters my 5 year old. I think he is just too young to really get consequences yet. I don't think that started to work with my daughter until she was about 9 tbh. Some kids just take longer to mature.
    Maybe that's what's going on with your boy?

    I do know how utterly frustrating it is though. I truly empathise.
    We have asd and ADD in my family and quite often I suspect something might be going on with my 5 yr old son. For now I'm just seeing if he grows out of some of his quirks.
    Sometimes that's all it is.
    What does he say if you talk to him about his behaviour like when he's actually doing just fine if you bring it up that you don't like what he's doing at swimming and ask why? Does he engage?
    He's definitely not the most mature 7 year old - generally I find that he's about 6 months behind other kids developmentally - it's been this way forever.
    When I asked him about the incident at swimming, he says he didnt hear her. But I don't buy that, and I think that's just an easy excuse to get out of being in trouble. Plus, kinda hard to hear her when youre bobbing up and down and putting your head in the water.

    I'll keep persisting. He can be the nicest, kindest and most attentive kid - but when it suits him. And from what I gather from my dh's aunts - dh & bil were the same. So I'm hoping he will grow out of it - he needs to, otherwise I'll be on blood pressure tablets within 6 months!!!

  10. #10
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    Just throwing things out there @misho

    With swimming are you able to stay after the lesson for free swimming time? Can you explain that the lesson is for learning and when it's done we stay to play? If you can't stay after can you go at other times to allow free play? Not as a reward but to show that there is a difference in behaviour required iykwim

    With respect to taking money have you asked him why? There obviously needs to be a consequence but for me the type of consequence would depend on why he took it.

    As far as losing things it is unfortunately pretty normal. Is everything well labelled have you checked lost property? Does everything have a place in his bag? Is it easily stored and put away?

    As far as moving don't underestimate the impact. Although you lived there 2 years ago that's almost a third of his life. Comparatively if you're 30 it would be like saying oh we lived here 10 years ago no big deal.


 

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