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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2017

    Default Baby #2 on the way and looking for some advice..

    I've been married to my husband who I love very much for 3 years. We have a 18m/old son together and are 3 months pregnant with #2. Both babies were very much wanted and planned.
    With my first son I was SO excited the whole time. I couldn't wait to meet him but this pregnant is the complete opposite.

    About a week ago I found out my husband was lying to me about something small but he has continually lied about it for our whole relationship (7 years) I have had issues with him lying before and after a rough start to our relationship we worked really hard to get through these and haven't had an issue for years. We are away lots with work and unfortunately both work with very unloyal employees. The foundation of our relationship is all trust. I am now questioning everything I have trusted him with over the past 7 years, especially the last 4 and I don't think we should be together anymore. I don't want an insecure untrusting relationship and I know that's exactly what it will be. I feel cheated by him and am extremely devestated. I love him and never imagined life without him but I don't see a future without him continuing to hurt me.
    I feel extremely anxious about this pregnancy, I have no family nearby, I know how hard it is having a baby with support let alone on your own, or with someone you don't trust. I feel so upset and insecure about being pregnant again. I see scans and goto appointments and want to cry the whole time. I wish I wasn't pregnant and I'm really confused. I don't know what to do.

  2. #2
    TheGooch's Avatar
    TheGooch is offline Winner 2014 - Newbie of the Year
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    There's a whole lot going on for you right now! You poor thing.
    Can I suggest that sometimes when so much is going on, it's sometimes best to deal with things one step at a time.
    Can you speak to your DH about the lie? If it's something small, even if lying is a habitual problem for your DH, you may not want to rush into ending your marriage or your pregnancy or anything else. Talking it through may help - especially if there is ANY possibility you may be mistaken or there may be a miscommunication.
    Also going to see a counsellor, either alone, so you can first work through how you are feeling and your approach, or with your DH to work through things together may be a good start.
    Maybe once someone has helped you work through things yourself, you may be in a better place to start making decisions.
    I want to be really clear that I'm not advocating staying together if you truly believe your marriage is over. I'm just advocating for not rushing.
    You're pregnant, and have an 18 mo to look after, as well as trying to stay healthy and stress free for your belly bub. It's more than enough for anyone to take at once.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Thankyou for your reply TheGooch! You're right I have so much going on right now and it's very overwhelming.
    I've spoken to my DH and he's admitted to the lying. He said it started off little and he got too far in to be honest about it.
    Despite being very hurt about it I still absolutely love him but it's just the last straw for me. I'm thinking some time apart will help me make a more permanent decision but deep down I know if I want to stop being hurt I need to leave.
    I definitely going to keep to keep the pregnancy. I feel horrible for even saying I don't want it, I think what I'm really worried about is how hard it's going to be. I'm just so scared.


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