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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Staying calm

    I need some advice on how to stay calm during these first few weeks. I'm 4w5d with my 3rd pregnancy- my other two ended with ectopic and miscarriage.

    I'm finding it incredibly hard to be calm now. I feel so overwhelmed and stressed about everything. I'm convinced that this pregnancy is going to end in a miscarriage as well.

    I've got repeat bloods to do, it's just getting through the wait to have those.

    How have others got through this period?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    It's so hard, isn't it?

    I had my first BFP in October 2015. I remember being so excited, telling my parents and brother/sisters within days of finding out. We had a huge family dinner to celebrate, and then at 8 1/2 weeks we had a MMC. All of us were devastated.

    I think after that point I stopped believing we could ever be so lucky. The innocence and magic was gone. We'd done 4 own-egg IVF cycles at that point, and were destroyed financially...I just could't envision how things would ever get any better.

    They did though! We found an egg donor and on our first transfer I fell pregnant. To be completely honest, it was really hard to find the joy in it, and instead I focussed on ticking off goals. The BFP was the first one, and my first scan at 6 weeks was the second.

    Unfortunately, the scan didn't go well I was told I had an empty sac, and pretty much stopped believing in the pregnancy at that point. It was a very hard time for me. We did several repeat scans, and it wasn't until 8 weeks that we FINALLY saw bub.

    Up to that point, time was flying by. My expectations were so low that I'd gone on over those weeks as if I was not pregnant. I was just biding my time to my D&C. Obviously that scan changed things for me, and when I got over the shock that I was indeed 8 weeks pregnant I started ticking off goals again.

    I think the one thing I did that helped ground me was to Google a LOT! Everyone says not to do that as it will only upset you, but honestly - knowledge is power. And if you word your search correctly the internet can be very reassuring. When I had a bleed at 5 weeks I googled "Bleed at 5 weeks and bub ok." If I was worried about a lack of symptoms I looked up "Nine weeks pregnant and feel nothing." It was so reassuring to read of the women who felt the same as I had, and still went on to have healthy babies.

    I also read a lot. What To Expect When You Are Expecting was a God-send for me. Again, knowledge is power and I found that book was quite optimistic. I got a lot of comfort from that as well.

    I guess in the short term there isn't much we can do but ride this difficult time out. Once you get further along you'll relax a little and the 12 week scan is a huge mental barrier - when you get past that you'll feel better about things. Until then, find reassurance where you can - here on BH, in real life, FB forums. Busy yourself as much as you can. Plan for the nursery. Make lists of things you'll need.


  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    It's so hard and there really is no easy answer that makes this time less stressful. It's out of our control - though being as zen as you can about it is a good idea, as your body feeling stressed won't be great for babe - or you! The best advice I had when in that situation was to take each day by day, even minute by minute and appreciate that you are still pregnant now. We have no way of knowing the future but now, you are pregnant, you are well, you are growing your little one so the only thing really to do is nurture yourself, stop negative thoughts as they come with distraction, stay occupied but don't rush about, eat well, rest well.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    First time pregnancy for me over here, and feeling just as overwhelmed and stressed as you. Let me know if you find a way to get through it!


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