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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-Degrassi View Post
    Perhaps she recommends the course to most of her clients so that she's dealing with parents who've received the same quality information/strategies and it lays good foundations for implementing therapy (?)

    Don't be afraid to ask her some direct questions if you aren't sure of anything, or if you feel uncomfortable with her recommendations.
    And I will next time I see her definitely.

    Yes, I think it's about the strategies that you can use for kids rather than a one size fits all approach.

    They aren't her courses and I don't know whether she receives kickbacks for referrals but I don't know that that would bother me, coz she summed his personality up quite correctly. So she definitely knows what she is doing.

    The first thing she said is that she doesn't just look at speech, rather at the whole person.

  2. #12
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    You are most definitely not a bad Mum. You sound amazing - caring, loving and trying hard to understand your children.

    with some kids it is just a matter of learning how to understand them. How to engage them and help them to develop .. so perhaps what she is meaning is a 'parenting course' to learn how to best parent that type of child ??? that would be my best guess


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    Quote Originally Posted by PomPoms View Post
    I don't think you are a bad Mum...<3

    When you say she is almost a child psychologist, what do you mean?

    I would read her email, go to the one on one and see what she has to say, but I think she is making grand statements after only one session.

    If after the one on one and looking into the parenting courses you are still concerned I would look into an actual trained and qualified child psychologist.

    Some kids are slow to warm and that is okay, some kids aren't and that is fine as well.

    Sorry I think she is making a huge jump regarding family dynamics.
    That was probably a bad description.

    Degree qualified speech pathologist, 30 years experience,started with intellectually handicapped kids and has had her own practice for 20 years.

    Looks at the child as a whole, rather than just speech development.
    Parent effectiveness training instructor blah blah blah
    Been in the media a fair bit
    (Am looking at her website)

    So no psychology degree per se but obviously knows a fair bit.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BH-KatiesMum View Post


    You are most definitely not a bad Mum. You sound amazing - caring, loving and trying hard to understand your children.

    with some kids it is just a matter of learning how to understand them. How to engage them and help them to develop .. so perhaps what she is meaning is a 'parenting course' to learn how to best parent that type of child ??? that would be my best guess

    Thanks, I think so. Just sad to hear it.

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    Hi! Havent had time to read the other ladies responses but wanted to quickly chime in.

    I would be inclined to get a second opinion from an experienced child psychologist. Not trying to dismiss the advice she has given you but I think it would be valuable to get another experts opinion, even if it does just reinforce her evaluation.

    My eldest sounds quite similar to your son. She has always struggled to look at people in the eyes, she carries multiple toys around with her (even now at 6!) and she uses them as a prop to help her engage with other adults and kids - she struggles to initiate conversations so the toys do this for her as usually a person try g one talk to her will mention something about said toys to her.

    She makes friends but it is a slow burn with her, and once she has chosen you as a friend you are hers and hers alone and she gets quite clingy (an issue we are trying to work on now), but all in all she's happy, likes going to school, doesn't cause her teachers any problems and she has friends. But she's a shy girl.

    My question would be, is your sons behaviour holding him back in any aspects of his life significantly, or is he just a bit shy?

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    Quote Originally Posted by GingerKat View Post
    Hi! Havent had time to read the other ladies responses but wanted to quickly chime in.

    I would be inclined to get a second opinion from an experienced child psychologist. Not trying to dismiss the advice she has given you but I think it would be valuable to get another experts opinion, even if it does just reinforce her evaluation.

    My eldest sounds quite similar to your son. She has always struggled to look at people in the eyes, she carries multiple toys around with her (even now at 6!) and she uses them as a prop to help her engage with other adults and kids - she struggles to initiate conversations so the toys do this for her as usually a person try g one talk to her will mention something about said toys to her.

    She makes friends but it is a slow burn with her, and once she has chosen you as a friend you are hers and hers alone and she gets quite clingy (an issue we are trying to work on now), but all in all she's happy, likes going to school, doesn't cause her teachers any problems and she has friends. But she's a shy girl.

    My question would be, is your sons behaviour holding him back in any aspects of his life significantly, or is he just a bit shy?
    I think I will go with it for a bit, and if I see that it truly is OTT, then we will stop.

    Sadly for him, because he is quiet, his brother steals the spotlight. Eg: dh's family rings ds1 for bday and totally adore him, for ds2 (and even ds3 this year), he gets no phone call. Ds1 gets random gifts, ds2 never does (the implication is 'why can't they just share?') -but ds2 has started to notice because the gift is always handed to ds1 first - and is old enough that he now takes things to heart.

    Now that's not his problem - it's dh's family that needs to be fair with all 3 kids (and we've spoken to them numerous times over it, but it still continues) - but the end result is I have a little boy who already struggles with his emotions and then has to deal with this stuff. (Sooooo glad that we have moved interstate and now I don't have to deal with the gift giving anymore - just the lack of phone calls grr).
    I don't want his quietness to impact his life negatively, or come to resent his older brother in years to come.

    I guess the good thing to come out if it yesterday is that I'm even more aware of this now - so I can make further changes if required.

    I'm starting to feel a bit better with stuff by reading your responses, so thanks to all who have replied thus far.

    It's so hard - I never used the same approach for all my kids but I did figure that I was doing what was best for all of them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by misho View Post
    Thank you. This is helpful.

    I do try to spend one-on-one time with him but as a working mum & 3 kids it's not always possible. But I do try & I think he enjoys being with me as I do understand his sensitive side. I'll keep persisting.

    Appreciate the comments.
    Alone time is not what I had in mind, more as pulling him into activities with you and his siblings where you can engage them all and strongly involve him in the group.
    Though individual time is always valuable too but for different reasons.

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    Im sorry you are going though this
    I do think the speech pathologist is over the top. Perhaps she's a great speech pathologist.. but your child doesn't have speech issues. Its time to move on to a real psychologist if you want further advice.

    Just because you have two extroverted kids and one who is a bit more introverted doesn't mean there is something wrong with him and that you are doing a bad job.

    What you can do is make sure he has many opportunities to build confidence and social skills.

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  11. #19
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    You are definitely not a bad Mum. I definitely agree with the previous post about getting a second opinion. The parenting course may be useful in itself but I'd be concerned that the speech pathologist has mistaken what may be just your ds' personality for something else iykwim. My ds could be described as "withdrawn" in some circumstances but I've discovered as he has gotten older that he is becoming a lot like me - reticent/thoughtful. I think it's just who he is.

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    I'm a bit miffed too about suggesting parenting courses and like you I would have been taken aback. In fact I would have been offended. She may be good at her job but one visit is way too soon to call anything.
    I've been to a child psychologist and she wouldn't form any opinions until we had 3 visits.
    I have 6 kids, 4 have been diagnosed with either ADHD, asd or anxiety. And I'm sure there is something going on with the younger two.
    I'm pretty hesitant with professionals. We've seen a few but I know my kids and I know myself.
    Professional help is great and it definitely has its place and for some people it is wonderful.
    I would suggest seeing someone else for sure.
    5 is such a tender age for a little boy and being in the middle is always tough I think (I'm an only child so I don't know personally).
    It could be way too soon to be calling anything and it's perfectly fine to be quiet and sensitive. It's a fine balance of getting help and also letting him be who he is.
    You are definitely not a bad mother at all.

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