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  1. #1
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    Default Baby before wedding

    Hi ladies,

    Thought I would open a thread about our current situation and grab some opinions & your experiences.
    My partner & I were engaged a year ago and have set our date for March 2018.
    We have wanted children for a number of years but held off for financial reasons.

    We decided to start "trying" 4 months ago, and missed the fertile window for 2 of those months due to us being to busy with social activities over Xmas and New Years and honestly too exhausted to think about it!

    As our wedding is only 12 months away I worry that I will not enjoy it as much as I should if I am pregnant or have a newborn at the time. I worry that I won't be able to lose the 20+kg I want to lose if I am pregnant and therefore won't like the way I look on our wedding day. I worry that my dress if I get it soon, will need to be altered drastically if I fall pregnant or won't fit at all.

    But most of all I worry that if we wait another 12 months until after the wedding, then we may miss our chance completely and be back to square one after the wedding, with no baby in our arms, and another year old, another year less fertile, and 12 cycles missed.

    So after my long post I want to grab some people's experiences. Were you pregnant at your wedding? Was it planned? Did you have a new born at your wedding?

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    Hi @wheelsy, I'm not the best person to be replying as I wasn't preg nor did I have a baby at my wedding. I just think you should do what feels right for you both. If you really want to fall preg asap then you will make it work one way or another with the wedding. Both are very exciting yet understandably extremely busy and life changing so just weigh up all of these factors at the same time. May I ask how old you are?

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    How old are you and how many kids would you like ideally?

    I got married to my husband pretty late - I was 31yo. Because we met so late we were keen to start TTC asap.

    So I was 12 weeks pregnant on my wedding day. I wouldn't change it if I could.
    I enjoyed the day even more knowing what was coming for us... Alcohol was a non issue as I don't care much for drunk brides anyway

    When we were deciding about it we just saw that life won't be waiting for us, we didn't know what tomorrow what made of and kids were more important than a party.
    But we were over 30yo and we wanted 3 kids.

    Good luck!

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    AdornedWithCats is offline Winner 2013 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    We started ttc about 3 months before our wedding. It took us 8 months to concieve ds and we have been trying for 2 years now for #2 with no luck. I think we should have started ttc #1 earlier. I'm still young but paternal age is an issue for us.

    Honestly, I wouldn't want to worry about a wedding during the newborn stages. But totally get not wanting to waste time either. You could always wait 6 months and ttc 6 months before the wedding.

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    @InterestedWoman and @ExcuseMyFrench
    Thank you you have both made me feel better. I am turning 30 this year and my partner 38. So while I know I probably have a few more years up my sleep I do worry about my partner.

    It's so true what you said how life won't wait. Maybe it's the wedding planning playing on my anxieties and making sure it's going to be the most perfect day. But if I'm truly honest I would so so so much rather a baby in our arms forever than a party for one day.

    I guess the other worry is the money factor, weddings and babies are both expensive commitments and while I know everyone goes through it, I feel abit silly if we are knowingly putting the financial strain on ourselves by getting pregnant when we have the wedding coming up.

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    @AdornedWithCats you are very right, the thought of 2/3 month old the lead up to the wedding is quite scary, so waiting 6 months before we try again might be an idea...

    Then at least I'll be pregnant but hopefully not so tired & stressed...

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    I think a few factors would come into play here.
    1. Your age. If you're 25 I'd say wait, if you 35 I'd say try now.
    2. What type of wedding you want. If you want a fairytale wedding it's quite unlikely with a newborn or being pregnant. If you're happy for it to be a bit different then go for it.

    Keep in mind that if you have the wedding soon after baby is born, try to have the wedding stuff all planned before bub is born because free time is scarce with a baby!
    You can always delay the wedding too. DF and I are getting married in a few months, our DD will be turning 2 a couple of days later. So we were able to put some time into planning the wedding, I'll be able to drink, DD can be looked after by a babysitter at the reception after being the flower girl at the ceremony, I've lost the pregnancy weight and we can have a (short) child free honeymoon (thanks to my mum). It's worked well for us

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    Maybe my biggest issue is I'm just a control freak and hate the Unknown!!
    Universe please just tell me when exactly I will be pregnant and what exactly is going to happen in the next 12 months and beyond!!

  9. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to wheelsy For This Useful Post:

    Ashling  (08-02-2017),babyno1onboard  (07-02-2017)

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    Quote Originally Posted by wheelsy View Post

    I guess the other worry is the money factor, weddings and babies are both expensive commitments and while I know everyone goes through it, I feel abit silly if we are knowingly putting the financial strain on ourselves by getting pregnant when we have the wedding coming up.
    This is a good point.... things get tough financially when you have a baby.

    A few friends of mine had big expensive weddings and had a babies a year later and they all said that they regretted spending so much on their wedding and would have preferred to have longer off on mat leave.

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    @babyno1onboard thanks for your advice too! We are definately not having a fairy tale big wedding, it's a backyard relaxed style so very different and chilled, and I know plenty of grandmas and aunties will be on hand for babysitting duties.

    Postponing is a good idea although I would probably go ahead with the wedding and postpone the honeymoon.

    Loving all the support opinions and advice on here. Thank you everyone.

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