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  1. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    I suppose I'm too trusting. I don't really mind what people bring as long as there are no nuts at all, so baked goods and museli bars are fine IMO if they're nut free.

    I definitely expect people not to bring peanut butter sandwiches or nut bars etc, but I'd trust that cakes would be but free. Maybe I'm being naive.

    But I cover myself by telling DD that under no circumstances should she ever try anyone's food. Kids can be cruel or just not understand what is in food, so I don't trust they'd know their food well enough (or care about her enough) to be truthful with DD about the ingredients.

    There are always going to be risks eg some people have no idea that macarons and friands are made with almond.

    All I can do is teach DD to be responsible about not accepting food and pray parents will do the right thing. As my allergist said, children dying from allergic reactions is so rare these days, if I thought about it too much I'd end up home schooling her out of fear, but I know that's very much overkill.
    I have definitely realized since ds1 started this new nursery that I am too trusting of parents. That mum I mentioned above told me that story after I left ds1 at her house for a playdate. It was the second time, the first time I had told her about his allergies while leaving his epipen. The second time when I came to pick him up she said 'oh does ds1 have a nut allergy since he has an epipen' and I was like 'um yeah, I thought we discussed it last time.' And then she went on to tell me about the peanut butter sandwhich, I was gobsmacked about how blasé she was about it all and it opened my eyes that I definitely need to be more firm and really ensure other parents understand that he can't have peanuts.

    This same mom had her ds' bday party last week and was told that one of the little boys had an egg/diary/soya allergy and was anaphylactic to egg and soya, she went on to tell us how she was ensuring she was accommodating him and then served egg sandwiches to all of the kids! Her being 'accommodating' was buying him a couple mini packets of gummy sweets that were free from his allergens. He was a super sensible little 2.5 year old though and only ate the food that his dad brought for him, he didn't even get upset about not having any cake--little sweetheart!

    I mentioned the cakes because I have a friend that is a health food lover and loves creating her own healthy treat recipes and she uses a lot of nut flour/powder replacements to make things gluten free. So I can picture a parent thinking they've made a healthy baked good that should be allowed and not really understanding that almond flour is still a nut product and dangerous for a kid with a nut allergy.

    I also know I need to start ensuring ds1 understands he can't have peanuts and to not try other children's food, we are only just starting to be faced with situations where this is an issue as he becomes more independent.

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  3. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    I thought I made it clear I wasn't suggesting kids get extreme free reign but respecting autonomy and independence. So no I would never allow my daughter to just eat biscuits
    My dd (incidentally too young to understand the concept of choice) was (and is) fed a wide variety of foods from day one. She's at the milder end of fussy but it's 100% not because she hasn't been exposed to different foods as she's constantly exposed to everything but I don't expect her to like everything. I don't like everything. As an example she still won't eat bread at all but I still offer her toast and sandwiches a couple of times every single week in the hope she changes her mind. So no I'm not limiting her experiences I just think the 'get what you're given' philosophy is not something we apply to ourselves so why apply it to our kids?
    I'm pretty confident that all the parents of fussies on here have tried their absolute hardest and offered and keep offering all different foods so to imply that they are limiting their experiences/don't offer variety and that giving choices is the cause of fussiness is pretty hurtful to those parents. If you haven't dealt with a properly fussy eater you wouldn't understand how utterly frustrating it is.
    I think it's more when you hear parents say they offer their child healthy stuff but they will "only" eat French fries or nuggets or mars bars whatever junk it may be. Do you think that children learn that this is the outcome if they refuse the healthy stuff enough times? Or do you think it is generally that they are fussy and won't eat it?

    I guess it all depends on what the substitute is. If a child hates broccoli but will eat beans then so be it no worries, It's really not about that. But if they refuse to eat anything healthy and are given nothing of nutritional value as the alternative I think that's where it becomes a problem.

  4. #73
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    I really dislike the whole nanny state thing happening in day care and pre schools. Our local pre school is just ridiculous on how strict they are. Of course I get they want to push healthy eating they are responsible for them that day blah blah. But I'm the parent and just a touch of common sense goes a long way.

    Obviously an obese child that brings a lunchbox of crap is an issue and something that needs to be gently addressed with the parent/s. But if I choose to pop a chocolate cupcake in among a day of healthy food, as the parent I should be allowed to. These OTT rules do nothing to change patterns of behaviour or thought. People that feed their kids crap are going to send a banana and sandwich.... then serve rubbish the moment they get home. In fact I argue this approach actually makes people *less* receptive to change and can be seen as very patronising.

    I remember getting one of these notes when DS was in pre school over a nut free muesli bar. They had sent it home and when I asked when he had in place of it, he said nothing (families provide all the food) which I was furious over. The following week I asked if the processed cheese tube sticks were ok. I had already done my homework and they contained far more rubbish than the muesli bar. Oh yes, they are fine I was told Yes bc they are clearly now dieticians.
    Last edited by delirium; 05-02-2017 at 22:22.

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  6. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeful37 View Post
    I think it's more when you hear parents say they offer their child healthy stuff but they will "only" eat French fries or nuggets or mars bars whatever junk it may be. Do you think that children learn that this is the outcome if they refuse the healthy stuff enough times? Or do you think it is generally that they are fussy and won't eat it?

    I guess it all depends on what the substitute is. If a child hates broccoli but will eat beans then so be it no worries, It's really not about that. But if they refuse to eat anything healthy and are given nothing of nutritional value as the alternative I think that's where it becomes a problem.
    For us we had tried so hard to avoid junk food and only offer healthy alternatives. Although DD is super fussy she would eat small amounts of specific things like cucumber, carrot, I would buy no sugar jam and only offer sandwiches on wholemeal bread, or babybel mini cheese, these were pretty much the only things she would eat. I would always offer more variety but at least felt the little that she was eating was somewhat healthy. The problems really grew for us with my parents and in laws who began offering her things like potato chips, chocolate etc when I wasn't around. I had so many fights with them over it because they couldn't understand our point of view that if she was a kid with a normal appetite and generally ate well we wouldn't mind the occasional treat but she barely eats anything and they were stuffing her small appetite with junk.

    She then got a taste for that kind of food and it's been a problem ever since. She will refuse to eat anything healthy and fight for junk food and it's a multiple times a day battle having to say no and insist on healthy food. And then at her grandparents she gets anything she wants and we're always the bad guys. I admit some days it all just gets too much for me and I cave. I try really hard to ensure her diet is mostly healthy but it's a very real daily struggle.

  7. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeful37 View Post
    I think it's more when you hear parents say they offer their child healthy stuff but they will "only" eat French fries or nuggets or mars bars whatever junk it may be. Do you think that children learn that this is the outcome if they refuse the healthy stuff enough times? Or do you think it is generally that they are fussy and won't eat it?

    I guess it all depends on what the substitute is. If a child hates broccoli but will eat beans then so be it no worries, It's really not about that. But if they refuse to eat anything healthy and are given nothing of nutritional value as the alternative I think that's where it becomes a problem.
    Nuggets and chips are a staple of my kids' diet. But they do eat pretty much all fruit and soy yoghurt. So if they don't eat dinner they can have fruit or yoghurt if they ask for it, otherwise they won't eat.

    But I count myself lucky they eat those things, some kids won't and maybe it is a biscuit or something else not so great. Fair enough it may not teach great habits, buuuut, if your child is failure to thrive, you're not going to withhold food from them to teach them how to eat or stop bad habits, you're just not.

    This theory is fine for good eaters - so that you don't turn them away from good food and on to bad food, but for fussy kids who as PPs have said fussy kids are often FTT kids and it's completely different.

    How old are your kids? Are they fussy? I can only assume they are not.

  8. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeful37 View Post
    I think it's more when you hear parents say they offer their child healthy stuff but they will "only" eat French fries or nuggets or mars bars whatever junk it may be. Do you think that children learn that this is the outcome if they refuse the healthy stuff enough times? Or do you think it is generally that they are fussy and won't eat it?

    I guess it all depends on what the substitute is. If a child hates broccoli but will eat beans then so be it no worries, It's really not about that. But if they refuse to eat anything healthy and are given nothing of nutritional value as the alternative I think that's where it becomes a problem.
    I never offered any 'junk food' as a first alternative. Or second. Or third.

    Trying to get DS to eat food at all was impossible.

    I try and find something he will eat and make it healthier where I can.

  9. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeful37 View Post
    I think it's more when you hear parents say they offer their child healthy stuff but they will "only" eat French fries or nuggets or mars bars whatever junk it may be. Do you think that children learn that this is the outcome if they refuse the healthy stuff enough times? Or do you think it is generally that they are fussy and won't eat it?

    I guess it all depends on what the substitute is. If a child hates broccoli but will eat beans then so be it no worries, It's really not about that. But if they refuse to eat anything healthy and are given nothing of nutritional value as the alternative I think that's where it becomes a problem.
    I'm still curious as to whether you have a fussy child/a child old enough to be fussy. It makes such a difference.

    My first would/will eat anything. We approach food the same way with our second, and he'll eat half of what the eldest does. There have definitely been times when we've given him whatever he'll eat. It beats having a screaming hungry child with his hand down my top for hours because he wants boob and he's got nothing in his stomach.

    I also sometimes work with a little girl who, on advice of her medical team (she's been under medical supervision since she was born) is to be offered a wide variety of foods but nothing is to be restricted. When she eats hot chips, icecream and biscuits we're jumping for joy. Yes, if you have a child who will eat a well-balanced diet under certain circumstances, then by all means keep those circumstances in place. When you don't though, having your child eat...anything...at all is really all you're after. It's genuinely better than nothing.

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  11. #78
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    If I'm correct Hopeful, your child is still a baby so not reliant on solid meals as their only nutrition? I think once you experience a toddler that won't eat you will probably change your tune. I wouldn't label ds1 as a fussy eater but he goes through fussy phases and it's hard not to get stressed out about it and just do what will work, so I can't imagine what it is like for a parent that deals with that constantly. Also, add a new baby into the mix and there are days you just do what works because you are too tired and busy to constantly argue and negotiate.

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  13. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Nuggets and chips are a staple of my kids' diet. But they do eat pretty much all fruit and soy yoghurt. So if they don't eat dinner they can have fruit or yoghurt if they ask for it, otherwise they won't eat.

    But I count myself lucky they eat those things, some kids won't and maybe it is a biscuit or something else not so great. Fair enough it may not teach great habits, buuuut, if your child is failure to thrive, you're not going to withhold food from them to teach them how to eat or stop bad habits, you're just not.

    This theory is fine for good eaters - so that you don't turn them away from good food and on to bad food, but for fussy kids who as PPs have said fussy kids are often FTT kids and it's completely different.

    How old are your kids? Are they fussy? I can only assume they are not.
    That's completely different. If your child is Failure to thrive then you need to see a paediatrician to find out the underlying cause and not give it a biscuit. They actually say not to fill your child up with empty calories like that so they can actually be hungry enough to eat a proper meal
    Fussy is completely different from failure to thrive

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    I don't have picky eaters beyond the average child. But this isn't just about parents of fussy/sensory kids having to defend themselves. If as the parent of average kids on the food stakes, I want to send a bag of chips I should be allowed to! Moderation imo isn't just the key to food, it's the key to life. Severely restricting food just makes it taboo. And obviously I'm not talking about the family that live off sh*t day in day out. That's a health issue. I'm talking about teaching children self control and self regulation with food. Have them eat an apple and a salad wrap.... then let them have a cupcake if the parent allows it!

    What I find bizarre is that there is no control of food in primary. Who are also legally responsible for our kids 6-7 hours a day?

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