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  1. #1
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    Default I want to be a mother :(

    Hi ladies. I'm 27 years old and have had more than your average "baby fever" for a WHILE now. I want nothing more than to be a mother and raise a child. I work full time and am completely independent. I've never been married, nor am I even dating. I've honestly wanted this so badly, I'm looking into prices of sperm donation, etc. Anybody ever tried that, or knew someone who did?

    I seem to get awfully down just thinking about how I'm working my life away, when I'm ready to have a little one on my own.

    Any advice?

  2. #2
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    Aside from all the cost the first thing I think of is do you have a good support system?
    Pregnancy, birth and child raising isn't something that would be easy to go totally alone on.
    The father of my babies was not always supportive but I am close with my mother and had a decent amount of physical and emotional help from her. She was a single mother but was close to her mother and sister.
    A best friend or family member who will be there to comfort and support you really should be considered because it really does take a village no matter how strong and independent you are

  3. #3
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    Personally, I'd give yourself a few more years until you started down the sperm donation track as you are still young. Nothing wrong with looking into the process but you are only 27, a lot could happen in the next few years and you may meet Mr Right. Each to their own, but if it was me I'd wait til at least 30.... being a single mum is not easy and shouldn't be entered into without serious consideration. How do you plan on surviving financially while the baby is young? I understand the drive to have a baby can be overwhelming, but it's a pretty big deal to bring a baby into the world on your own at 27. It can be done of course but I'd be inclined to wait just a few more years.

  4. #4
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    You're 27! Go on a trip, get dating, have some adventures! You are still young. Just because you don't have a child doesn't mean you can't enjoy your life. Trust me those first few months are a tough adjustment. People do it all the time alone so of course it's an option but not an easy one

  5. #5
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    I'm a solo mother by choice using sperm donation. I had fertility issues so I basically to if I wanted to have kids.

    Look it's both hard and amazing. No one to bring you down. No one to get mad at for not helping. But also no one to help. No one to brainstorm with.

    Bluebird was right when she said it comes down to your support system. My parents are amazing in helping so I can work and support my kids. Because you will probably still need to work full time when you have kids. I earn good money but child care is a killer. I had two kids going 3 days and it cost me $16000 a year. I was only going slightly over the rebate cap. The government gives you a rebate of 50% off up to $7500. If you hit that then the full amount is due. So if you're child is going 5 day a week you hit it pretty quick. Basically some are paying $500+ per child each week from January to June. So you really need to think about who is minding your child when you're at work.

    Secondly start saving. You will need every cent. Also save your leave. You will need it for school holidays. So save what you can and your future self will thank you for it.

    As a previous poster said I would probably wait till 30. Because once you have a child you can't date. It's not like single mums who can date when the child is at their fathers. There's no time off. No break. Only dates you have will be with your child. To be honest even if I had time to date I just couldn't be @rsed to give my free time and energy to someone else.

    Happy to answer any questions you have. I always encourage women to just go do it. But usually they are women over 30 who are racing the fertility clock. You have time to set yourself up to make sure you can enjoy motherhood.

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  7. #6
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    Not sure what type of advice you're after, but just adding my experience. When I was 27 I was feeling a lot like you are now. I'd been single for 4 years, and my biological clock was ticking so loud I could barely hear anything else. I really felt like I'd never meet anyone to have children with, so was thinking about going it alone or adopting/fostering if I was still single by 35. I was sure I'd still be single at that point!

    But.... 6 months later and I met my now husband (on a dating site of all places! 😁). Within 1 year we were engaged, 2 years after that we were married, I had my first child at 32, and just had my 2nd child 5 months ago at 35yo.

    So I guess what I'm saying is, you're still so young and have so many reproductive years ahead of you yet. As much as the desire to have a baby can be so all-consuming, it may be worth giving yourself a few more years, even if it's just time spent getting ready financially and setting up your support network. And you never know, you just might meet someone in the meantime who wants to have babies with you!

    Best of luck!

  8. #7
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    There are many women out there who are solo women by choice... Me included.

    If you would like to chat or contact others.. I would encourage you to join an online forum - smc .. Solo mothers by choice. This is an Australian closed forum and there are organised meets regularly in each state organised by its members .. For those that are in the thinking , ttc and single parent stages. Alternatively there are lots you can message or chat with. There is lots of info about accessing donor sperm, which fertility specialists are more sympathetic of single women and the financial implications.

    I agree with what others have said in regards to setting yourself up financially prior to going down this track. As the sole breadwinner.. If you want to be able to take a reasonable time off for mat leave you will need to have a reasonable amount of savings or alternatively are you happy to survive on government payments. Obviously this will involve a change in how much money you have to survive on.

    Childcare is a major consideration. I have a job that requires me to work 12 hr shifts.. So I am often away from the house for work for 13 -14 hrs. My shifts are a rotating roster so means working weekends and nights and public holidays. As such.. My only childcare option is to have a live in au pair. My role does not provide a part time option.. So had no option but to return to work fulltime. So it really depends on your job situation.. But you will need to think about how you will support your family.

    Having family support is very helpful.. Especially at times of sickness or if you need a break., cos you just don't get a break.

    For me.. I thought seriously about it when I turned 30.. With the resolution that if I was still single at 35 I would go about using a sperm donor. I got carried away and finally got around to it at 37. I would however not recommend you wait this long as it is a lot more difficult to get pregnant the older you get.. Meaning potentially lots more $$. I am pregnant with my 2nd now at 40 and spent close to $50k on treatment to have 2.

    I know I will never marry and happy that by making the choice to do it alone I make all the decisions around how my children are raised. No one to argue with no one to share custody with if I was to do it with a partner and then to split. It is a hard road.. But thanks to the options available to all.. Including single women, gay and lesbian couples.. We can all be parents if that is what you desire.

    Feel free to PM if you have any other questions and good luck!

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  10. #8
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    I was married and I wanted children at your age but I also knew (from observation) that when you become a mother, you can never switch off that role and I wasn't fully ready for that lifetime commitment. So I made other things a priority - like advancing my career, buying a house and travel - things that aren't impossible when a parent, just harder. I lived in Canada for 2 years and loved every minute!

    I'm now 32 and pregnant and feel sooooooo ready for parenthood! I'd not be looking into sperm donors until your 30s. And don't compare yourself to other couples having kids!!

    Also, how long could your savings last you on mat leave? Would you want to put your baby into day care if you had to go back to work quickly as a single mum?

    Good luck - you'll work out what's right for you

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    Oh yes, I have a wonderful support system!

  12. #10
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    just do it! you sound like you're ready and have good support. at your age i was thinking about moving overseas and working for two years. which i did as a single 28 yr old. i had the time of my life , went to amazing countries and met some awesome people.i don't regret anything. highly likely my fertility was probably poor than too and you know what? if i'd have known back then, i still wouldn't have had a child single as i didn't want it. i think if you're ready you're ready.


 

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