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    Default Egg donation - can you have a "wrong" reason for wanting to donate?

    Hi!

    I'm 32 in a couple of weeks and DH and I decided last year that we have definitely finished having babies. I'd love one more but I know in my heart I couldn't cope (emotionally, financially etc).

    We have friends (good friends, but the kind you only see twice a year) that have been struggling to conceive and DH mentioned to me that their next step is probably looking at getting an egg donor.

    I've had months to sit on this, and the other night I woke up after a very vivid, wonderful dream about donating an egg to them. It made me realise I think this is something I really want to do for them.

    I have a fairly good idea of the process because my best friend donated her eggs to a couple two years ago. My DH is supportive of me donating my eggs.

    When I was thinking about the reasons in my heart why I want to donate, obviously number 1 is because I want my friends to get the chance to be parents. But reason number 2 (if I'm completely honest) is that I like the idea that this potential child may want to know me when they older. Is that really messed up? I shouldn't really even be thinking like that should I?

    I'm just wondering what everyone thinks? I know they do counselling before they let you donate but I'd hate to say anything that would make me ineligible.

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    As an egg recipient myself I think it's only natural to want to know that any child derived from a potential donation is being looked after. Donating to your friends has that benefit, and with known donation it allows both the parents and the child (in the future) to be able to locate and contact you with any questions they may have. Personally I think that is extremely important as it helps the child form a sense of self. I don't think you can expect future contact from the child, but to remain open to it if the child should want contact or have unanswered questions is ideal.

    When you ask "Can you have a wrong reason for donating?" I think yes, you can. As an example, if you were wanting a payment or a donation or a gift in exchange for your donation, that would be wrong. Not only wrong, but highly illegal!

    Similarly, if you went into the donation thinking you would want some sort of rights to the child, or to be able to contribute to how they are raised...that is not right either. The recipients will be that child's parents. As long as we remember at the end of the day that egg donation is altruistic - ie: you expect nothing in return but for the joy of having gifted someone a family - you're on the right track

    My egg donor and I met online, and our friendship developed organically. We are FB friends, we talk on the phone, and we have met in person. It is a friendship that I treasure. One of the things I am most grateful for is that she is always accessible should I (or my future child) have a question down the track.
    Last edited by Blossom74; 28-01-2017 at 09:20.

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    I think that that is fairly natural - but it does mean the question might arise of how you might feel once a baby is born. Will you resent that she has what you might see as your baby?

    it can be hard to know how you will feel about it


 

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