ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 37
  1. #11
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    1,042
    Thanks
    835
    Thanked
    593
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Bit late for this talk now. What's done is done. Why didn't you just use protection? It's not like vasectomy is your only option

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to Hopeful37 For This Useful Post:

    Bluebirdgirl  (27-01-2017)

  3. #12
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    236
    Thanks
    122
    Thanked
    379
    Reviews
    0
    I dont have a lot of advice for you I'm afraid. I know that we were not prepared for my husband to have a vasectomy until we both decided we were done having kids so I applaud you not going ahead knowing it was something your wife was not committed yet.

    As you said, bub is on the way regardless so you need to figure out a way to make peace with that. Counseling may be the way to get you there but I think you need to be honest about that with your wife. Just be gentle and explain you are feeling a lot of pressure particularly regarding the finances so you want to go speak to someone to help you deal so you aren't putting too much strain on her at this point.

    As an aside, some friends of mine were in a similar situation with an unwanted 3rd pregnancy. She was the one who wanted to terminate and he wanted to keep it. They decided to have the bub and she is now the most adored little girl you ever met whose mother is completely devoted and cant imagine life without her. As worried as you are, people always find a way to make it work and I hope your story has just as happy ending as my friends.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to zelda For This Useful Post:

    Mama Mirabelle  (27-01-2017)

  5. #13
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    236
    Thanks
    122
    Thanked
    379
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeful37 View Post
    Bit late for this talk now. What's done is done. Why didn't you just use protection? It's not like vasectomy is your only option
    Would you say this if it was the wife on here seeking advice on how to handle the emotions on an unwanted pregnancy?

    I dont mean to just pick on you, I just dont know how to do multiple quotes lol. And I dont mean to sound harsh at all, just that I think we should remember that this is still a parent faced with a really tough time and we should all remember to be gentle.

  6. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to zelda For This Useful Post:

    babyno1onboard  (27-01-2017),Chippa  (28-01-2017),DT75  (28-01-2017),FarmMumma  (28-01-2017),Redcorset  (27-01-2017),Renn  (27-01-2017)

  7. #14
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    1,042
    Thanks
    835
    Thanked
    593
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by zelda View Post
    Would you say this if it was the wife on here seeking advice on how to handle the emotions on an unwanted pregnancy?

    I dont mean to just pick on you, I just dont know how to do multiple quotes lol. And I dont mean to sound harsh at all, just that I think we should remember that this is still a parent faced with a really tough time and we should all remember to be gentle.
    I probably would say it to the wife too. I mean there are multiple ways to avoid this situation and if you are that dead set against it you would get your wife pamphlets on abortion some forward thinking in ways to avoid it should have taken priority.

    It's good that he is seeking therapy. I think that's the right think to do. This is potentially very upsetting for everyone involved. An unhappy marriage if they don't get on the same page and a child that is going to pick up on the fact they weren't wanted by one of their parents if h truly can't make peace with it

  8. #15
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    3,095
    Thanks
    510
    Thanked
    1,276
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeful37 View Post
    Bit late for this talk now. What's done is done. Why didn't you just use protection? It's not like vasectomy is your only option
    Quote Originally Posted by Deskar View Post
    I agree with little miss sunshine.

    If you really didn't want a third child, why didn't you get a vasectomy?
    Wow. Both of these responses are so rude.
    I'm sure the replies would be completely different if it were a woman who had an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy.

  9. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Hasselhoff For This Useful Post:

    bpac  (27-01-2017),Happymum2  (28-01-2017)

  10. #16
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    700
    Thanks
    278
    Thanked
    266
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    If you felt like you had some control over the situation you might feel better. Maybe focus on what you can do practically, plan a budget, look into your car situation, if you can't upgrade then look into what seats will fit best, help plan what you will need for the baby and of that what you've already got etc. Maybe going to ultrasounds and things will help you bond? You say you can't talk to your partner, have you tried sitting down and saying that your not wanting to change her mind at all and you have accepted the pregnancy but you need to discuss your fears and thoughts? She might have things she needs to discuss as well.
    Our third was not planned, though neither of us felt like we didn't want her. The sleeping wasn't as bad as I remembered it and everything else worked out. There's no way we could imagine life without her now!
    Last edited by TableDancer; 27-01-2017 at 14:14.

  11. #17
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    700
    Thanks
    278
    Thanked
    266
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeful37 View Post
    Bit late for this talk now. What's done is done. Why didn't you just use protection? It's not like vasectomy is your only option
    What good is saying "too late, it's your fault, get over it" going to do? Regardless of how the pregnancy happened, which is no ones business, it has. Saying it's too late to talk about this now invalidates the way someone is feeling. He is trying to come to terms with this now to prevent issues in the future, shouldn't we be supportive of that?

  12. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to TableDancer For This Useful Post:

    bpac  (27-01-2017),DT75  (28-01-2017),Happymum2  (28-01-2017),Redcorset  (27-01-2017),WiseOldOwl  (28-01-2017)

  13. #18
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    23,384
    Thanks
    6,431
    Thanked
    17,983
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    I see both sides here. While said a bit abruptly, I think there has been fair points raised about contraception. I actually find it sweet he didn't go ahead with the vas for her. But that doesn't preclude wearing a condom if he really didn't want another baby. And I have often said the same thing to women here, albeit as gently as possible. Yes it's too late now, but what about when this child is born? It's time to get the snip! And honestly OP, it really isn't that bad. My husband had it after our 3rd was born and there was a bit of swelling and soreness for a few days and that was it.

    I do believe men, especially in long term relationships, should get some say. But we can't help the biology that we carry and therefore it's our ultimately our choice OP. TBH if my husband gave my abortions pamphlets he'd have his face clawed off. Particularly when it wasn't contraception failure.

    OP I have 3 kids and while DH and I planned all 3, having 3 cerubs is amazing. You might need to get a bigger car but you can get around that. You'll look at that pink little face and you'll love it just as you do your other two. No you didn't plan them, but they are coming and they need your love.

    good luck

  14. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

    babyno1onboard  (27-01-2017),Hopeful37  (27-01-2017)

  15. #19
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    3,721
    Thanks
    2,403
    Thanked
    3,094
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I'm so sorry you're in this situation, and I can really relate. In our relationship, I was the one who wasn't sure and my partner was the one who was 100% sure he only wanted 2 kids. He got a vasectomy when our youngest was 7 months old, and despite me agreeing that it was the best idea, I was still really upset that he'd gone ahead and done it, knowing that I wasn't completely sold. By all means, it's the man's body and it's their choice, but I can see why you hadn't done it yet given your wife's position.

    As for the current situation, I think a discussion about your concerns (as a PP mentioned, without trying to change her mind, just letting her know that you have valid concerns that you need to deal with together) and seeking counseling are great ideas.

    All the best, and good on you for seeking support.

  16. #20
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Posts
    1,042
    Thanks
    835
    Thanked
    593
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Hasselhoff View Post
    Wow. Both of these responses are so rude.
    I'm sure the replies would be completely different if it were a woman who had an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy.
    Well it's totally careless to bring a child into the world if you don't want it! We aren't talking about something frivolous here. It's a child. And it's sooo damn easy to avoid if you try. 99% easy actually.

    Not at all. If it was a woman I'd say the same thing. I think it's a very valid question in this circumstance

  17. The Following User Says Thank You to Hopeful37 For This Useful Post:

    AngelicHobgoblin  (28-01-2017)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Unplanned pregnancy &a unsupportive partner
    By Hc129 in forum First Trimester Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 01-01-2017, 13:46
  2. Unplanned Pregnancy ** Trigger Warning**
    By Rubbleonthedouble in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 16-08-2016, 19:20
  3. Unplanned pregnancy.
    By Marigolds in forum Support for unplanned pregnancies
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 29-04-2016, 17:45

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

FEATURED SUPPORTER
SmarTrikesmarTrike® “Grow with Me” trikes and smarTfold™ folding trikes are sold in over 80 countries & lead the way in ...
FORUMS - chatting now ...
Dashing N Delicious DecemberConception & Fertility General Chat
infant observation by psychiatry registrarPregnancy & Birth General Chat
Reccomend me a pram, please?Product Recommendations & Questions
Mid cycle bleed before ovulationConception issues & ttc
Naughty NovemberConception & Fertility General Chat
Ear wax & syringing - at what age?General Child Health Issues
Concerns about having #4Should we have another baby?
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›

ADVERTISEMENT