+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 37
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Posts
    3
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked
    5
    Reviews
    0

    Default Unplanned and unwanted pregnancy. What to do?

    I am a lucky father of 2 young and beautiful girls (6,3) and since a young child myself have always been set on having only 2 children. They are growing up to be amazing people and characters and I am really looking forward to the next stages in life. Life as it is, seems rather perfect. We survive week by week financially, but comfortable.

    I have just found out in the last month that my fiancé is pregnant (unplanned) with our 3rd child and I have extreme mixed feelings and I really don’t know what to do. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about it (because it’s too early) and I think my partner is struggling because of my uncertainty. I know that it should be a happy and exciting time as it is one of life’s miracles, but cannot help but feel the way I do. I don’t want another child!

    I’m struggling to contemplate how we will afford it financially and I am already dreading the first 6-12 months (nappies, bottles, no sleep etc. etc. etc.). Our car is not big enough and cannot afford another one, our house will be ok, but tight. I travel a lot for work and I know my partner will struggle on her own over those times. I can already see the next 2-3 years being extremely stressful and I don’t know if our relationship can take it.

    I presented her with pamphlets of abortion as I wanted to discuss the idea, but it was shot down immediately. This may have been a bit harsh and confronting, but I wanted to at least discuss the idea. I have wanted to get a vasectomy since our last child, but each time I raise it, my partner either changes the topic or doesn’t answer properly.

    I really do want to feel happy and joyous, but I am struggling with my current feelings and doubt and it is affecting our relationship. I feel very strongly about not having another child, that at the moment, the idea of being happy is non-existent.

    My comments may appear selfish, but they are honest emotions and I really need some genuine assistance and guidance.

    Please help!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    5,503
    Thanks
    12,418
    Thanked
    6,008
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default Unplanned and unwanted pregnancy. What to do?

    From the sounds of it your partner is not interested/ does not want an abortion, and it would be unwise to attempt to pressure her into one or discuss it further. If she didn't want you to have a vasectomy clearly she wasn't necessarily sold on just 2 children either.

    So you have basically no choice but to get used to the idea of having another child. This may take a long time. The strain may or may not destroy your relationship- I do not know how strong it is.

    Or you could fall in love with your little one and soon not imagine life without him/her.

    It's difficult when you're not on the same page re number of children but what's done is done and it's time to move forward.

    Good luck xxx

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    378
    Thanks
    772
    Thanked
    456
    Reviews
    0
    I agree with little miss sunshine.

    If you really didn't want a third child, why didn't you get a vasectomy?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    3,564
    Thanks
    5,085
    Thanked
    2,980
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Deskar View Post
    I agree with little miss sunshine.

    If you really didn't want a third child, why didn't you get a vasectomy?
    That's a bit harsh, he said that he wanted one but his partner didn't.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    3,564
    Thanks
    5,085
    Thanked
    2,980
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Unplanned and unwanted pregnancy. What to do?

    Sort of in line with what LMS said, what's done is done and if your partner is not interested in a termination then it's not going to happen.

    I think your being very level headed and practical about the situation with respect to thinking about how this will affect family stress levels, finances, etc.

    The best step forward I think would be to focus on how you and your family can best deal with situation - savings/budget plans, options for support for your partner while you're away for work, maybe a different job for you so you don't have to travel as much. Basically make the most of the situation you're in.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    5,826
    Thanks
    1,071
    Thanked
    3,912
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I think LMS is spot on.

    I will add that it may be worth getting some counselling as this is such a hard thing to talk about and emptions are high.

    I will also add not to make a rash decision.

    Good luck.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    656
    Thanks
    820
    Thanked
    225
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I think that if he really didn't want another child he should have gotten the snip. That's his choice, just like not having an abortion is his wife's choice.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
    Posts
    3
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked
    5
    Reviews
    0
    Thank you all for the feedback, it really is just want I need. I totally understand that what's done is done and nothing will change.

    At this stage, I really do just need time for it to sink in and to get to a comfortable mindset with this all. It is an enormous change.

    I don't feel that I pressured my partner into terminating at all, I merely wanted to discuss the idea and I feel that I was shot down because she felt so strongly against it. Which then makes me feel frustrated because my view is not being considered.

    In relation to the vasectomy, I didn't rush into this, because I feel we weren't on the same page and I wanted to give it a bit more time to discuss. Now with the current situation, I am in a position that I just want to go out and get it done without telling her. I don't like the idea of doing this behind her back, but I feel i'm left with no choice.

    I've considered the idea of seeing a counselor because I can't talk to my family or friends and because emotions are high, I cannot talk to my wife about what I'm feeling.

    I also would really love to hear the opinions and feedback from any fathers that have been in a similar situation

  9. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to MarxRex For This Useful Post:

    AngelicHobgoblin  (27-01-2017),babyno1onboard  (27-01-2017),Little Miss Sunshine  (27-01-2017),Mama Mirabelle  (27-01-2017),Phony  (27-01-2017)

  10. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    656
    Thanks
    820
    Thanked
    225
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I know it's an unpopular opinion about the vasectomy, but my belief is if she can choose to keep the child you don't think you are ready for / want, then it's your choice alone to make and she shouldn't pressure you into not getting it done.
    She obviously wanted another kid where you didn't. But the damage could be done from either. Your relationship might not last because you have a third child on the way and it may not have lasted if you had the snip.
    Good luck either way.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to AngelicHobgoblin For This Useful Post:

    BabyG4  (29-01-2017)

  12. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    11,796
    Thanks
    3,884
    Thanked
    7,148
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by MarxRex View Post
    In relation to the vasectomy, I didn't rush into this, because I feel we weren't on the same page and I wanted to give it a bit more time to discuss. Now with the current situation, I am in a position that I just want to go out and get it done without telling her. I don't like the idea of doing this behind her back, but I feel i'm left with no choice.
    [/COLOR]
    I wouldn't do it behind her back, I would just tell her that in light of the situation (having another baby coming), that you have decided to go ahead with the vasectomy. Perhaps this is something that can wait until after the pregnancy though.

  13. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Mod-Degrassi For This Useful Post:

    FarmMumma  (28-01-2017),MarxRex  (27-01-2017)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Unplanned pregnancy &a unsupportive partner
    By Hc129 in forum First Trimester Chat
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 01-01-2017, 14:46
  2. Unplanned Pregnancy ** Trigger Warning**
    By Rubbleonthedouble in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 16-08-2016, 20:20
  3. Unplanned pregnancy.
    By Marigolds in forum Support for unplanned pregnancies
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 29-04-2016, 18:45

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
FEATURED SUPPORTER
Swim AustraliaSwim Australia are the leading learn-to-swim experts, and national swim school authority. With over 600 Registered Swim ...
FORUMS - chatting now ...
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›