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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    You are expressing exactly what I'm thinking lol It isn't serving a tin of spag, or struggling with bad sleep. It's being proud of a half a@sed effort with no intention to better it.

    I'm by no means a perfect mother. Like today. DS2 has torn apart the loungeroom, emptied his toy box twice and been out of control. Ds1 has nagged me all day and one of my suppliers sent me a hopelessly inferior item which took 2 hours of glitching and swearing at the screen to upload pics of said item. To find out they are now on holiday for a week. I admit I've yelled today and I'm currently sipping on a vodka and redbull lol But I recognise DS2 is not yet 2. Sh*t happens with the business and DS1 is just DS1. I've calmed myself, recognised I needed to do so and things have settled.

    A good parent isn't one that is perfect, but one that always tries to do better.
    But I guess one mothers 'half-arsed' is another mothers best.

    I think it's okay to acknowledge that you're not the perfect mum but be okay with that and not stress yourself out trying to always be 'better'.

    So I'm not sure I 100% agree that good parents always try and do better, do their best, yes I agree with that, but it's the whole feeling that you must do better is what can be rather unachievable for many parents.

    So I'm not sure you should call them mediocre. Doing so just tells them they're never going to be good enough, as they're already doing their best - which can make an already difficult parenting gig more difficult for them as they feel inferior.

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  3. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    But I guess one mothers 'half-arsed' is another mothers best.

    I think it's okay to acknowledge that you're not the perfect mum but be okay with that and not stress yourself out trying to always be 'better'.

    So I'm not sure I 100% agree that good parents always try and do better, do their best, yes I agree with that, but it's the whole feeling that you must do better is what can be rather unachievable for many parents.

    So I'm not sure you should call them mediocre. Doing so just tells them they're never going to be good enough, as they're already doing their best - which can make an already difficult parenting gig more difficult for them as they feel inferior.
    I agree with this completely. I do not analyse my parenting every single day and try nor do I always try to do better. If I've been a dodgy mum that day I write the day off, let my kids know I love them, apologise for being dodgy mum and move on. I don't analyse how I could do better...I'm at peace with the fact that not every day will be a good day. I don't analyse my role as a wife every day, but I still think I'm a good wife.
    I am parenting to the best of my ability. I am not perfect. I am not a pinterest type mum, I'm late to absolutely everything (except work), and I raise my voice a bit too much imo (but my oldest told me one day out of the blue that I rarely raise my voice at them...so perception!), but my kids are happy, healthy, loved and well adjusted. Different aspects of my parenting could fall in to either category mentioned here (based on the individual's perception), but I feel pretty middle of the road really. And some days my kids are just complete pooheads themselves, and I am not blaming my parenting skills on their hormonal outbursts (given we're at that age). Sometimes they are the ones who need to try harder/do better. It doesn't all come down to me. Not anymore.

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  5. #53
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    But note I said 'try to do better'. Not "always do better". We are all imperfect. But our best is that we have tried our hardest right? Therefore that parent has tried to do better. Maybe a bit wordy, but I think ykwim.

    While I acknowledge no one can be a perfect parent and we all have bad days the key is that you strive to be a decent one most days. I don't see how that can be argued? And this I guess is the point of the article. That having bad days or even weeks or months isn't what makes you mediocre. It's not caring and even being proud of not being interested in doing better. Competing on who cares the least and tries the least.

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  7. #54
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    I haven't read the whole thread.

    Today i have been a mum for 23 years... (happy birthday dd1)

    In my opinion you have to have times when you are half assed or mediocre. You will burn out if you don't. No one can be at the very best 24/7/365 for 20 plus years.
    I think it is good for kids to see mum/dad having days/weeks where they are at the best. Kids learn that you need to have times when you give yourself a break and do things the cheats/easy way. They can also learn responsibility and ways to step up and help. That families are there for one another. Parents need love and support too. When i am having a off day my 4 yr ds3 brings me flowers from my garden. Ds1 offers to the shopping. Dd3 will help out with housework. Dd2 will entertain the little ones etc...

    I also think we all have different ideas of what a perfect/good parent is.
    Some might thingbdoing everything for you child is best. Others might believe that kids need to learn how to look after themselves to make becoming independent as a adult easier.

    I also think how you parent aslo depends on your childs needs. I dont parent all 6 of mine the same. They are different and need different approaches to achieve the a goal. The goals for each child are different too.

    Anyhow thats my 2 cents worth.

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