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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeful37 View Post
    Cool thanks, yep definitely mean mediocre parenting not free range as I said. I think free range is incredibly important for kids ( within reason)
    Yep I agree. I tend to naturally be more a helicopter parent. I actually hate that term. But it stems a lot from my anxiety, and my own childhood where mum def was a mediocre parent under the guise of being free range.

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  3. #22
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    The term Helicopter parent drives me wild. It's up to each parent to decide how much supervision they need to give their kids to make sure they feel they're doing right by their kids. For some parents, it doesn't need to be heaps, for others, it needs to be a bit. And why does anyone care if I follow my kid around whilst she climbs tree with an inflatable giant pillow in case she falls? What does it matter to anyone other than me and her.

    For the record, I probably fall more into free range than helicopter but my husband is helicopter and I guarantee you neither one of us loves the kid any more than the other no matter what our style.

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  5. #23
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    I think this type of article is part of the problem. Why do we have to keep labeling each other and judging each other. Isn't labeling someone mediocre and complaining about them just as bad as bitc*ing about sactimommies or free range parents or crunchy mums etc?

    I really don't like the tone of the article. She sounds as judgmental as the people she's describing. I'm firmly in the live and let live camp. If kids are safe and not being abused then why is it any of my business what another parent chooses to do.

    As for the whole mediocre parenting, who decides what's mediocre? Mediocre by my standards might be downright neglectful or amazing compared to someone else. Someone raised in an abusive home who hasn't had much experience of a healthy home life might struggle to parent well. They may be 'mediocre' however compared to what they grew up with their kids childhood might be paradise comparatively speaking. Who are we to judge?

    Discussions like this always remind me of my grandparents. My parents always tell me the craziest stories about their childhood, things like hitchhiking, falling out of trees, getting pretty seriously injured, engaging in all types of downright dangerous shenanigans. Whenever I ask "ohmygod what did your parents do/say??" My parents laugh and say their parents had no idea. By today's standards my grandparents would be downright neglectful, forget mediocre, but my parents turned out fine, in fact better than fine, hardworking, productive and healthy. I think we all need to step back, look at the big picture and relax a little. And definitely stop complaining about one another and start supporting each other.

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  7. #24
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    I agree with the article. I was thinking of similar things this morning when one of my friends liked one of Constance's posts and I saw this: "Some mums seem like naturals. They have blow dried hair and expensive prams. Inside they want to drown themselves in vodka, file for divorce and pull a bong too. They are just private queens so they do this on the inside. We are all struggling."

    That actually pi$$es me off. No, we don't all want to drown ourselves in vodka and file for divorce and if we've left the house looking nice it doesn't mean we're just 'hiding it'. Some people really are just finding it not too hard right now and that should be ok too.

    One of the things I have found in my albeit short parenting journey so far is it's basically become not ok to say you're coping fine, that you're not finding things too difficult, that you're loving it.

    To 'admit' these things will only incite comments of "Pfft, it's only been a few months, you just wait", "Well don't think that's going to last", "Well obviously it's easy for YOU, you've only got ONE child" or a condescending look that says 'we all know you're lying...'.

    I don't brag, I certainly don't make out that I'm somehow clever because things are going ok. I have told people over and over that I am well aware that the relatively easy time I'm having comes mostly from luck and privilege (and probably a dose of my exceedingly low expectations of what parenting was going to be like). I have a cleaner, I have a baby who sleeps really well, I have a husband who takes his share of the load, I have fantastic family support - all of which are just luck and privilege. However, it appears if I don't b!tch constantly about parenting, I'm pretty much 'thrown out of the mummy club'. I have literally not joined any mothers groups because I'm too afraid of being shunned because of it. Luckily the ladies in my DIG don't seem to be like that, so I have some lovely people I can share experiences with, no matter what they are.

    I've experienced the same thing with the 'husband hater' women. It's almost criminal to say you have a wonderful, helpful husband. But I'm not going to make up things to b!tch about when it comes to him and similarly, I'm not going to pretend I'm hating being a parent when I'm not.

    My mum was the type of person who sat and did activities with me during the day, was always looking for new ways to make learning fun - she basically saw parenting, raising her children, as her full time job. I guess I see it like that for me too. But so often talk of that sort of thing is met with eye rolls and sarcastic "well wouldn't it be nice if we all had time for that sort of thing but we're not all Pinterest mummies you know". It gets to me because I am pretty non judgmental when it comes to other people's choices, parenting related or not.

    The main problem for me is that, I feel as though when I (and other people who feel the same) do have issues (which I obviously will - just because things are great now, I'm not deluded enough to think that will always be the way it is) we won't be able to talk about it, because we'll just be met with gloating smirks of 'see, we told you so!'

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  9. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Yep I agree. I tend to naturally be more a helicopter parent. I actually hate that term. But it stems a lot from my anxiety, and my own childhood where mum def was a mediocre parent under the guise of being free range.
    That's understandable. I think we all take parts of the way we were raised good and bad and this definitely influences the way we parent imo. I look back at my childhood differently now I'm a parent for sure

  10. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by HillDweller View Post
    I agree with the article. I was thinking of similar things this morning when one of my friends liked one of Constance's posts and I saw this: "Some mums seem like naturals. They have blow dried hair and expensive prams. Inside they want to drown themselves in vodka, file for divorce and pull a bong too. They are just private queens so they do this on the inside. We are all struggling."

    That actually pi$$es me off. No, we don't all want to drown ourselves in vodka and file for divorce and if we've left the house looking nice it doesn't mean we're just 'hiding it'. Some people really are just finding it not too hard right now and that should be ok too.

    One of the things I have found in my albeit short parenting journey so far is it's basically become not ok to say you're coping fine, that you're not finding things too difficult, that you're loving it.

    To 'admit' these things will only incite comments of "Pfft, it's only been a few months, you just wait", "Well don't think that's going to last", "Well obviously it's easy for YOU, you've only got ONE child" or a condescending look that says 'we all know you're lying...'.

    I don't brag, I certainly don't make out that I'm somehow clever because things are going ok. I have told people over and over that I am well aware that the relatively easy time I'm having comes mostly from luck and privilege (and probably a dose of my exceedingly low expectations of what parenting was going to be like). I have a cleaner, I have a baby who sleeps really well, I have a husband who takes his share of the load, I have fantastic family support - all of which are just luck and privilege. However, it appears if I don't b!tch constantly about parenting, I'm pretty much 'thrown out of the mummy club'. I have literally not joined any mothers groups because I'm too afraid of being shunned because of it. Luckily the ladies in my DIG don't seem to be like that, so I have some lovely people I can share experiences with, no matter what they are.

    I've experienced the same thing with the 'husband hater' women. It's almost criminal to say you have a wonderful, helpful husband. But I'm not going to make up things to b!tch about when it comes to him and similarly, I'm not going to pretend I'm hating being a parent when I'm not.

    My mum was the type of person who sat and did activities with me during the day, was always looking for new ways to make learning fun - she basically saw parenting, raising her children, as her full time job. I guess I see it like that for me too. But so often talk of that sort of thing is met with eye rolls and sarcastic "well wouldn't it be nice if we all had time for that sort of thing but we're not all Pinterest mummies you know". It gets to me because I am pretty non judgmental when it comes to other people's choices, parenting related or not.

    The main problem for me is that, I feel as though when I (and other people who feel the same) do have issues (which I obviously will - just because things are great now, I'm not deluded enough to think that will always be the way it is) we won't be able to talk about it, because we'll just be met with gloating smirks of 'see, we told you so!'
    That quote of Constance's really annoys me. She herself is being the exact mum that she hates- a judgemental one. Don't look at a mum that seemly on the outside that has her **** together and think that she MUST be not coping and she hates her life and wants to drown herself in vodka. How offensive.

    But no, mums that dare comment on her messy dirty house, her photos of herself on the toilet, bottles of wine etc etc are private queens? Come on!

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  12. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mama Mirabelle View Post
    I think this type of article is part of the problem. Why do we have to keep labeling each other and judging each other. Isn't labeling someone mediocre and complaining about them just as bad as bitc*ing about sactimommies or free range parents or crunchy mums etc?

    I really don't like the tone of the article. She sounds as judgmental as the people she's describing. I'm firmly in the live and let live camp. If kids are safe and not being abused then why is it any of my business what another parent chooses to do.

    As for the whole mediocre parenting, who decides what's mediocre? Mediocre by my standards might be downright neglectful or amazing compared to someone else. Someone raised in an abusive home who hasn't had much experience of a healthy home life might struggle to parent well. They may be 'mediocre' however compared to what they grew up with their kids childhood might be paradise comparatively speaking. Who are we to judge?
    I suspect the issue here isn't someone else having a 'mediocre' parenting style per say. It's that they have become the sanctimummies. Now, rather than us middle ground parents getting the tut tut from the perfect mums for not caring or giving enough, now the tut tut is coming from this other group for being too caring and giving too much.

    I could really care less what others do. But now lazy parenting has become 'cool' (and it has), they themselves are judging.

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  14. #28
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    I think you guys are reading too much into Constance's comment. She has a target audience and obviously you're not it and that's cool. She writes in a particular way that's a bit crass and vulgar and is big on oversharing, some people dig that (me included) others don't, if it's not your cup of tea why not just ignore and move on?

    I think the real message in her comment was that we all have our own particular struggles so don't judge. I don't think she realistically meant every well put together mother is a secret alcoholic dreaming of divorce inside. It's just that some of us put it all out there and some people prefer to put their game face on and keep their struggles private (not necessarily parenting struggles but just generally, I've yet to meet someone whose life is so perfect they have no struggles inside), so we should remember that when we feel inadequate and just be kind to one another. That's what I took from the comment.

    Totally cool if you interpreted another way, I'm not having a dig, I just think there are bigger things in this world to get all pi$$ed about.

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  16. #29
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    Both groups annoy me.

    I consider myself middle of the road. There are some things that I do not compromise on but other things I can get quite lax on. Tbh, these do tend to change depending on my mood.

    I think people are kidding themselves if they believe that someone can enjoy parenting 100% of the time - either that or they have a robot child who follows every instruction and doesn't push the boundaries. I haven't met one yet.

    As an example, for some reason, I woke up so cranky yesterday and everything during the day was hard - getting DS to eat breakfast, getting him dressed, dealing with the incessant questions that are inevitable from a 3 year old etc etc. I was just looking forward to 2 things during the day... nap time and bed time. The day before though, I loved every minute of it. The thing is, that DS' behaviour or actions didn't change from one day to another - my mood and reactions changed. This can happen to anyone.

    With regards to mediocre parenting, I think it's important to distinguish between someone who is genuinely trying their best but can't fulfil every 'aspect' for some reason such as illness and someone who generally just doesn't give a sh*t.

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  18. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I could really care less what others do. But now lazy parenting has become 'cool' (and it has), they themselves are judging.
    I guess my experience is just different. With my group of friends sure we complain about parenting and have a laugh at how crappy we are sometimes but also if someone is doing a great job we compliment them and are happy for them. I guess I'm lucky.

    I don't worry too much that other people think I'm too perfect or not perfect enough. I try to live by the mantra you can't please everyone so you might as well just please yourself.

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