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  1. #1
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    Default The journey from IVF through to adoption

    I'm told I'm past by "best by" date and that having our own babies is no longer an option. It looks like we have three options open to us:
    -egg donor
    -adoption
    -do nothing

    I can't accept the do nothing option, yet I'm not sure I can also pursue the egg donor or adoption options. I, we, wanted "our" babies and I just can't seem to get past that.

    If anyone is willing to share their journey - how things changed for them in terms of how their mindset changed - I'd love to hear your story. Because as much as I want to be a parent, I'm not sure how to make that journey from thinking I would be a parent to our children to being a parent to someone else's children (adoption) or to being a parent to a child that is DH's but not mine (egg donor).

  2. #2
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    I have one biological child and one adopted child but I never felt any sense that I would be parenting someone else's child (even before we actually adopted) so it wasn't something I had to move past.

  3. #3
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    Thanks Bezzy. I always thought that I would be completely fine with adoption - at one point in my life even only considered adoption (as opposed to having my own). But now that I am faced with the fact that it might be my only option I feel conflicted.

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    Walhalla  (10-11-2017)

  5. #4
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    I think the fear of the unknown so to speak is scarier than the reality if that helps at all. A lot of adoption literature and the department websites etc work on worst case scenario which can be daunting.

  6. #5
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    Thanks Bezzy, I think you're absolutely right, the fear of the unknown is daunting. Perhaps I just need a bit of time to shift gears in my thinking...

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    Moc24  (14-10-2017)

  8. #6
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    Default The journey from IVF through to adoption

    @Okeefe1, I totally get how ur feeling. At the moment every day I wake up and it's the first thing I think about. I almost have a feeling of dread come over me.

    We've done a couple of IVF cycles, and apart from age being an issue (I'm 42), I also discovered have problems with my uterine lining as well.

    We went from thinking the biggest problem was age.. To finding out that even if we are ok with donor eggs, that THAT might not even be an option either.

    So initially I wasn't sure how I felt about DE (donor eggs).. But when it looks like even that option might be taken away.. It's a whole new level of fear, devastation & hopelessness.

    In a perfect world we (my DP & I) would have met younger, and had children the simple easy way. But I'm learning day by day, month by month to accept what we CAN do.. & what IS possible. And so were making choices that aren't always easy, but were determined not to have any regrets.

    Of course we would love to have a biological child. But if that's not on the cards then I know for absolute certain now that I cannot live the rest of my life completely childless. I don't want to go down that path. We both want a life that includes children, and the life that comes with children & a family. The idea of never being able to be a mother is just inconceivable.

    So even though I definitely have lots of fears and worries about how everything will eventually work out- I do know now that I want to do anything that I can to be a parent. And as soon as I realised that we might NOT have options.. It made everything so clear. We're even looking at overseas surrogacy as our very last choice.

    I'm lucky, I have a friend with a child from a donor egg, & I have another with a new baby boy from donor sperm. So I can see with my own eyes how those options have affected my friends & their partners. And I can tell u both those children are adored & have changed their parents lives in the most beautiful way after years of struggles & pain of fertility treatment.

    Someone on BH in one of the DE threads once said that she had fears about how she would feel about her child who was a DE baby.. Until she saw & held her baby. And at that point she knew that THIS was the child that was ALWAYS meant to be her child. I love that idea. I remind myself of it whenever I start feeling nervous about what lies ahead.
    Last edited by Charlie74; 19-01-2017 at 21:29.

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    mummanow  (20-03-2017)

  10. #7
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    I'm the lucky mum to our gorgeous son who was adopted here in Victoria. We pursued 13 Ivf cycles including a sperm donor and an egg donor cycle. Ivf was hell and hard but we wanted to be parents and we had love to give a child so the decusion to adopt wasn't hard. We were 31 and 33 when we were placed with our son and could of continued with Ivf but life wasn't enjoyable and it didn't feel worth it to keep going. We stuck our heads down and bums up and threw ourselves into adoption 110% it was in our eyes our last shot at becoming a family so we were going to make it happen. When we got the call to say we had a son it was better than any positive pregnancy test and was without doubt the best feeling we've ever felt! He is ours and we look at him and love him to death every single day. Of course he has a past and we respect that and the whole adoption process. But personally I can't talk highly enough of adoption here in Vic. It's been so good to us we are currently waiting to adopt number 2! I hope you get peace after Ivf, it's a hard journey you've done well to survive it. All the best 😊

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    mummanow  (20-03-2017)

  12. #8
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    Well done gus and meg.

    Hope that option is available for me in NSW

  13. #9
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    @Okeeffe1, sorry to hear that but unfortunately I can relate. I started my long road from IVF and soon realized I'm doomed to childfree future with my SO. Then we tried IVF with donor eggs and after the third failed attempt in a row I decided it was enough. I can't remember when I first heard of surrogacy and who told me about this option but I was interested, my GP haven't ever mentioned this as it's not allowed in my country. Then google came to help me and my SO helped me to make a decision. We tried 2 more IVFs and when the first one resultet in miscarriage and the last one with BFN, it was clear that only surrogacy is our salvation let alone adoption. I know what kind of thoughts your head is overwhelmed with believe me. I was in the same boat but now I have a hope, I chose surrogacy road and I'm on my way to a family. GS is pregnant and I constatntly pray for her and for my future baby. I will pray for you too, so that your journey will give you what you want as I for one think that adoption is far more complex process.

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    Walhalla  (10-11-2017)


 

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