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  1. #1
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    Default WWYD - Daycare Q

    We've relocated recently so DS1 had to start a new daycare. He seems to be having trouble settling in and adjusting to the new daycare, it's been 3 weeks that he's been going, with 4 visits before that. This morning was awful, no crying, just clinging and he told me that he feels scared and sad because he doesn't know anyone. Last night he said he doesn't want to go because he's lonely and sad. Its breaking my heart

    Normally I'd just persevere, knowing that eventually he'll make friends and settle in. However, we're definitely moving from this house when our lease is up (terrible noisy neighbours), and we're about 80% sure that we'll move away from the area. So chances are that in about 4 months he'll have to change daycare centres again.

    I really don't want to have uproot him again and have him feeling sad and lonely all over again.

    So my question is - would you take your child out of daycare in this circumstance, and wait until you've moved again? Or keep them in because you know they need the stimulation and it's hard to get to parks and playgroups etc because you have a 4mo whose nap times you need to work around?

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    This is a really hard one.

    My immediate reaction was take him out. No need for him to be there if you're not currently working, he's sad and you're moving anyway....

    BUT then I thought about it a bit harder, and I wonder if that would teach him that if he doesn't want to go to daycare all he has to do it grizzle to mum a bit and she'll pull him out? Err. That sounded much more sensible in my head, but typing it out it sounds a bit silly.

    Could you talk to his main carer and ask if they can pair him up with someone who's there on the same days as him and encourage them to play together? If they find a child or 2 that are there on the same days that he could play with, maybe you could reach out to the parents and see if you could do some play dates outside of daycare as well to encourage a bond which would make daycare easier?

    Just some idea, good luck!

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    If it was me with my son, I think I'd pull him out and start over again in 4 months. I'd be trawling pinterest for ideas for activities you can easily do at home. See if you can find a playgroup or two to go to through the week. I know it's hard to work around nap times. But, 4 months is ok, even if you can't. I haven't been able to take DS outside (unless we are at the pool) at all since early December, because I become so faint in the heat. I've got another month til bub is born, so that will be quite a long time without him getting out much. He's surviving ok.

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    What would I do - I would take him out of daycare and keep him with me. But that's what would work for our family, and I know every family is different. I never used daycare though - my kids start preschool at 4+, and have been completely fine at adjusting to preschool and school. I personally (and professionally as an Early Childhood Educator) don't believe daycare is neccesary for socialisation at all. If it works for the family to use daycare, great! But I dont think most children are disadvantaged by not attending daycare.
    That being said, I also take my kids out and about usually 4 weekdays and then one day at home from birth - we go out for the morning to playgroup, library, parks and playdates, and thr baby just sleeps in the capsule or pram or baby carrier. Again, this works for me but might not work for you

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    I love daycare and all 3 of my kids have been in care from 6 months 2 or 3 days week but in this instance I would take him out.

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    Do you know what area you'll be moving too? If so and it's reasonably close can you find another childcare there?

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    Quote Originally Posted by CazHazKidz View Post
    Could you talk to his main carer and ask if they can pair him up with someone who's there on the same days as him and encourage them to play together? If they find a child or 2 that are there on the same days that he could play with, maybe you could reach out to the parents and see if you could do some play dates outside of daycare as well to encourage a bond which would make daycare easier?
    I guess my concern with that would be that he'd then form strong attachments and when we move again he'd be really sad and miss the friends he'd just made. He left his old daycare in November last year and he still talks about his friends there and says he misses them

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    Quote Originally Posted by Frankenmum View Post
    I guess my concern with that would be that he'd then form strong attachments and when we move again he'd be really sad and miss the friends he'd just made. He left his old daycare in November last year and he still talks about his friends there and says he misses them
    oh yes of course that makes sense, yes take him out

    Do you know where you are planning on moving to? Might be worth trying to get him into a daycare near where you are moving to sooner rather than later. The drive would be annoying but might be worth it?

    My kids all go to daycare near my home now, but when I had my first he went to a daycare near my work instead of near home, so when I was on maternity leave with my 2nd I was driving him 30mins to get to daycare, I did reduce his days so I was only doing the drive once a week rather than 3 times, but it meant I kept his spot and had that one day a week with just my daughter. The drive over was also a good excuse to go out for the day

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    He's always loved daycare, and he's such a social kid, so I guess I'm just worried that he'll go stir crazy without the socialisation. And I'm not sure I'll be able to provide enough of that outside of a daycare setting.

    But I also don't want him to make new friends and then have to leave and start over again.

    I've moved house 45 times (no exaggeration - I counted one day). I went to 3 daycares, 5 primary schools and 2 high schools. I was always the new kid, and always had trouble maintaining friendships because they were always so temporary to me. I really, really don't want that for my kids! So I want to minimise the changes as much as possible, but also don't want him to miss out on any development & learning.

    Argh, adulting is so bloody hard sometimes! :'(

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    Quote Originally Posted by CazHazKidz View Post

    Do you know where you are planning on moving to? Might be worth trying to get him into a daycare near where you are moving to sooner rather than later. The drive would be annoying but might be worth it?
    Hmmmm, that could be an idea actually! That hadn't even occured to me. We're not 100% certain yet, but will make a decision soon. The driving would suck with the 4mo, but it could be really beneficial for DS1.


 

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