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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-Uniquey View Post
    This happened to me when I was a first time parent and only had DD. It was when we were living away interstate and had no support network. DD made a friend and was super excited for the playdate, so we decided to ask them over for her birthday. For weeks she was jeered up and speaking about it and I was excited for her (as we literally knew nooone bar this lady and her child).

    The day of I dressed her up, set up a little party atmosphere/food etc and we waited, and we waited and we waited. I finally got a text (not call) to say they wouldn't be able to make it as the other little girl had been naughty and not having the playdate was her punishment.

    Cue, devastated and bewildered daughter. I texted back politely that it was a shame, as DD was excited blah, blah, blah. And the response I got back was something I've never forgotten. It wasn't an apology or any ounce of feeling for our situation, the other Mum told me it was my fault as hadn't I learnt that you "don't tell your kids about plans/playdates in advance, just in case they get cancelled and you end up upsetting them".

    So there you go, it was apparently all my fault, and to this day I am super reluctant to tell the kids any plans.

    OP, I hope your little fellow had a lovely day despite his disappointment. X
    This post literally reduced me to tears.

    Agree with @cheeeeesecake it's important for me (I understand it's different styles for everyone) that one's bad behaviour will have no negative impact on others.

    Mind you it's easy for me to say that when my children are mostly very well behaved.

    Op if that were me I would be gutted. Hope you ds had a nice day and wasn't too hurt.

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to Little Miss Sunshine For This Useful Post:

    Mod-Uniquey  (20-01-2017)

  3. #22
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    My kids are older now....but recently had a similar issue. My son (11yo) plays basketball. Last season one of the boys wasn't allowed to play due to his poor behavior...we were only told 1/2 hr before the game and as a result the boys had no subs. I was not happy. The whole team was let down. Not an appropriate punishment as far as I'm concerned.
    Having said that, if my older toddler (age 4/5) was misbehaving before a play date I would possibly say we are not going...but we have play dates all the time, so nothing special or specially prepared for. If it was a special occasion or a rare visit I wouldn't use that as a threat. I don't think my kids would be too fussed if their friend didn't arrive...
    I also didn't tell my kids about exciting things until just before! I still don't haha...just in case!!

  4. #23
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    I'm a punishment free parent. I dont do time-outs or anything like that. I would explain to your son different families do different things. Maybe take your son out for a nice day out to get his mind off things like a movie or something. Maybe when you see the mum again you could explain in conversation how your son was upset he didn't get to play with his friend and maybe (hopefully) she might think differently about what type of punishment (hopefully none) she dishes out and how it effects others.

  5. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by bezzy View Post
    Urgh my DH loves to threaten DD not going to bday parties, play dates etc when she is misbehaving morning of or not getting ready. I don't think he would actually follow through but it annoys the cr@p out of me because *I'm* the one that has to say to DD 'yes you can go' because I know another family is waiting for us somewhere or a family has paid for my DD to attend their child's party. As much as I HATE taking her when she's being naughty I feel it is the right thing to take her especially if it would be a short notice cancellation. Not fair on the other family.
    My dp is the same at times

  6. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ahalfdozen View Post
    She's horrible. That's a horrible thing to say to you and very blame shifting.

    I haven't really had playdates cancelled, but my SIL is notorious for leaving as soon as one of her kids mucks up. Doesn't matter if she is over for dinner and we haven't eaten yet. Or if whatever else we had planned hasn't happened yet.
    Used to bug me but now I don't care so much. I just find it odd I guess as sometimes it's over really little stuff.
    My sister does the same thing. It annoys the crap outta me. I understand different families do different things but i don't think she understands how it effects everyone else too.

  7. #26
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    I have never had to cancel a play date because of my children's behaviour but I would if I had to.

    If it happened to my children I would use it to teach them about disappointment and how to deal with it.

  8. #27
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    We have used this as a consequence. It was a party though and not a playdate. We still sent along a present but there was no way we were allowing DSS to attend given his behaviour.

    I assume the boy's behaviour was bad enough to warrant it and wouldn't judge it, or call it a 'non-reason'.

    It's not nice for the kid who misses out, but as a parent I can only deal with my kids.

    ETA: I wouldn't do this last minute though!
    Last edited by DT75; 20-01-2017 at 12:15.


 

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