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  1. #11
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    I think you're justified in being upset about it. Of course we get upset when our kids get let down and dissapointed, that's totally normal!

    I can understand why the other mum might have done it though. I try to avoid using those sorts of punishment myself, but like others have said, it might have been a last resort. Also, if your kid's being a real little jerk, the last thing you want to do is try to take them out somewhere and control their behaviour in public. So I kinda get where she's coming from. Really unfair for your DS though

    I always try not to tell DS about play dates in advance, as we've had so many cancelled due to illness (either him or them). So I now just tell him on the day of, once it's been 100% confirmed.

    Hope you can cheer your DS up x

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    SuperGranny  (18-01-2017)

  3. #12
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    Who does that? Totally selfish from the mum. Kids aside, you are involved in this play date so she should have had more respect for your time. And cancelling the morning of via text message without a thought of how it would upset your son is also poor form.

    I think your son needs a treat and a fun outing to cheer him up

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  5. #13
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    I've struggled with this type of punishment myself because the kids weren't listening and I needed them to realise they needed to. I was going to stop them from having the neighbours over or playing outside with them.
    But when it's actually planned out with someone else I think punishment could be something other. I don't think it's fair to the person you have made arrangements to start.
    I also decided that it wasn't fair to my kids to stop them socialising. That's a personal thing thing for me though as we home educate and my kids have special needs so I figure they need that interaction I will withhold something else.
    I would be upset as well if it happened to me. I would even go as far as never bothering to set up anything with that person again. It's unrealible to me. Imo you can't just cancel everything if the kid acts up. Kids will act up.

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    Unschooling4  (20-01-2017)

  7. #14
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    I sympathise where your coming from as I wpuld be frustrated as well. But this is also a consequence my child would be given. So I applaud the mum for actually following through.

    I have learnt the hard way not to mention playdates to my dd as for us someone always ends up sick and we have had to cancel.

  8. #15
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    I can see both sides. Yes disappointing for your son but I've seen so many parents who never follow through on anything.

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    misho  (20-01-2017)

  10. #16
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    Urgh my DH loves to threaten DD not going to bday parties, play dates etc when she is misbehaving morning of or not getting ready. I don't think he would actually follow through but it annoys the cr@p out of me because *I'm* the one that has to say to DD 'yes you can go' because I know another family is waiting for us somewhere or a family has paid for my DD to attend their child's party. As much as I HATE taking her when she's being naughty I feel it is the right thing to take her especially if it would be a short notice cancellation. Not fair on the other family.

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  12. #17
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    Default Upset, need to vent.

    This happened to me when I was a first time parent and only had DD. It was when we were living away interstate and had no support network. DD made a friend and was super excited for the playdate, so we decided to ask them over for her birthday. For weeks she was jeered up and speaking about it and I was excited for her (as we literally knew nooone bar this lady and her child).

    The day of I dressed her up, set up a little party atmosphere/food etc and we waited, and we waited and we waited. I finally got a text (not call) to say they wouldn't be able to make it as the other little girl had been naughty and not having the playdate was her punishment.

    Cue, devastated and bewildered daughter. I texted back politely that it was a shame, as DD was excited blah, blah, blah. And the response I got back was something I've never forgotten. It wasn't an apology or any ounce of feeling for our situation, the other Mum told me it was my fault as hadn't I learnt that you "don't tell your kids about plans/playdates in advance, just in case they get cancelled and you end up upsetting them".

    So there you go, it was apparently all my fault, and to this day I am super reluctant to tell the kids any plans.

    OP, I hope your little fellow had a lovely day despite his disappointment. X
    Last edited by Mod-Uniquey; 18-01-2017 at 17:29.

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    Little Miss Sunshine  (19-01-2017)

  14. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-Uniquey View Post
    This happened to me when I was a first time parent and only had DD. It was when we were living away interstate and had no support network. DD made a friend and was super excited for the playdate, so we decided to ask them over for her birthday. For weeks she was jeered up and speaking about it and I was excited for her (as we literally knew nooone bar this lady and her child).

    The day of I dressed her up, set up a little party atmosphere/food etc and we waited, and we waited and we waited. I finally got a text (not call) to say they wouldn't be able to make it as the other little girl had been naughty and not having the playdate was her punishment.

    Cue, devastated and bewildered daughter. I texted back politely that it was a shame, as DD was excited blah, blah, blah. And the response I got back was something I've never forgotten. It wasn't an apology or any ounce of feeling for our situation, the other Mum told me it was my fault as hadn't I learnt that you "don't tell your kids about plans/playdates in advance, just in case they get cancelled and you end up upsetting them".

    So there you go, it was apparently all my fault, and to this day I am super reluctant to tell the kids any plans.
    She's horrible. That's a horrible thing to say to you and very blame shifting.

    I haven't really had playdates cancelled, but my SIL is notorious for leaving as soon as one of her kids mucks up. Doesn't matter if she is over for dinner and we haven't eaten yet. Or if whatever else we had planned hasn't happened yet.
    Used to bug me but now I don't care so much. I just find it odd I guess as sometimes it's over really little stuff.

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    Unschooling4  (20-01-2017)

  16. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-Uniquey View Post
    This happened to me when I was a first time parent and only had DD. It was when we were living away interstate and had no support network. DD made a friend and was super excited for the playdate, so we decided to ask them over for her birthday. For weeks she was jeered up and speaking about it and I was excited for her (as we literally knew nooone bar this lady and her child).

    The day of I dressed her up, set up a little party atmosphere/food etc and we waited, and we waited and we waited. I finally got a text (not call) to say they wouldn't be able to make it as the other little girl had been naughty and not having the playdate was her punishment.

    Cue, devastated and bewildered daughter. I texted back politely that it was a shame, as DD was excited blah, blah, blah. And the response I got back was something I've never forgotten. It wasn't an apology or any ounce of feeling for our situation, the other Mum told me it was my fault as hadn't I learnt that you "don't tell your kids about plans/playdates in advance, just in case they get cancelled and you end up upsetting them".

    So there you go, it was apparently all my fault, and to this day I am super reluctant to tell the kids any plans.

    OP, I hope your little fellow had a lovely day despite his disappointment. X
    That's awful. I find that parenting can be such an all-consuming job at times, some people just become so lost in their own little world of them and their kids, and the parent forgets how they are affecting others with the way they behave. It's a terrible way to teach your kids how to treat others. Our motto at home is 'kindness first'.

    As for following through on consequences - I never 'threaten' a consequence I am not 100% willing to follow through on. You said the child is in preschool with your child - so I guess around 4-5 years old? Give them a time out, or something immediate in the situation. That being said, I've never had a child behave so badly that I would have to cancel plans. I've also never left places early because of their behaviour - I just deal with it in the situation that we're in - I think it's good for them to know that the whole family wont change our plans because of one persons behaviour. I have a child with spd, so I know it's hard in some situations - but I would rather teach her how to behave and support her needs in the situation she is in, rather than just keeping everyone home forever and upsetting everyone around us.

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    Little Miss Sunshine  (19-01-2017)

  18. #20
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    Thanks @Ahalfdozen and cheeeeesecake, you have a great motto you're teaching your kids there.
    @2BlueBirds sorry for killing your thread! Just wanted you to know I feel/felt your disappointment. x


 

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