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  1. #1
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    Default Upset, need to vent.

    So today I was meant to meet up with a kinder mum and her son, which is my sons best friend. They haven't seen each other since kinder finished up in mid December.
    My son was so excited last night and then woke up this morning obviously really looking forward to seeing his BF.
    Anyway it's all been cancelled, my son is devastated.
    The kinder mum messaged me this morning saying that because her son was really naughty last night and this morning, he can't come as a consequence.
    Now, I'm all for punishment / consequences etc. but surely there's one that won't effect my son?
    Normally I don't use big consequences that would effect others, or last hours. Usually it's things like sitting on the step quietly for a short time, removing iPad for a short time etc.
    I know everyone's parenting styles are different and some would agree with either.
    I just needed to vent because my son was so upset and now we're stuck here (he doesn't want to go without his BF).
    Thanks for reading!

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    Yeah that sucks. Such a disappointment for your little boy. I guess she must have been desperate to find a punishment that would really have an impact and your play date was all she could think of. I applaud her for sticking to her guns but it is a shame it involves your son and his plans. How about you take him somewhere fun today so he doesn't feel like he's missed out too much?

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    Quote Originally Posted by GingerKat View Post
    Yeah that sucks. Such a disappointment for your little boy. I guess she must have been desperate to find a punishment that would really have an impact and your play date was all she could think of. I applaud her for sticking to her guns but it is a shame it involves your son and his plans. How about you take him somewhere fun today so he doesn't feel like he's missed out too much?
    I agree with this. Definitely a shame for your son to miss out and maybe suggest doing something really fun together to make up for it. I'd also use it as a teaching point to emphasise that his little friend must have been behaving poorly if he wasn't allowed to go. Highlight the fact that your son isn't missing out for this reason and that sometimes when we make the wrong choices this is the result. I hope your son is ok

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    Thank you all so much. I wasn't sure if I was overreacting.
    Yeah, we might go to a nice park :-)
    Thanks.

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    I'd be upset too, but I feel for the other mother as well. She probably really wanted to come, and she's probably wishing she hadn't said "if you keep misbehaving you won't be able to go tomorrow" because unfortunately, if you say you're going to do something you have to follow through with it.

    Hope you and your little guy can have an awesome day just the two of you

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    I've had to be that mum. Normal punishment wasn't working so he missed out on a play date. It was awful but next time we had a play date scheduled he remembered what had happened.

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    It's a tough one. My DH is a big one for throwing out the most random, difficult to follow through with punishments and then leaves me to the fall out.

    I really try hard not to cancel plans that involve other kids but for really naughty behavior, for what is just a playdate, and if I was friends with the parent so knew they'd be ok with it, then I would probably do it. I do think however that cancelling plans last minute without a very good reason is really quite rude so it's not something I would want to teach my kids either. I would probably say, yes we're going to your friends place but you have to sit in time out for a while whilst there, or he can have ice cream at the cafe but you cant IYKWIM.

    Sorry your little boy is so disappointed. I think a nice day out for the two of you is a great idea. Lemonade out of lemons and all that xx

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    I hate this parenting method. I'm the kind of person that feels like if you make plans, you should stick to them - apart from illness, etc, I think it's important to follow through on your plans and use other consequences for a child's behaviour. I wouldnt make plans with one of my friends and cancel last minute for a non-reason, so i wouldnt do it to someone else. Especially since we are all busy, and we often rearrange our days/ weeks/ etc to suit these kinds of things.

    I totally get your annoyance OP. I hate unreliability and I just dont have room for it in my life. Usually if someone cancels on me 2 or so times, that's it for me - I just am too busy and dont have time for it at all.

    And for next time - if I feel like someone is prone to last minute cancelling, I dont tell my child beforehand that they are meeting their friend - I would wait until the day, and then I would text the person and confirm on the morning that they are coming before I told my child.

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  10. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheeeeesecake View Post
    I hate this parenting method. I'm the kind of person that feels like if you make plans, you should stick to them - apart from illness, etc, I think it's important to follow through on your plans and use other consequences for a child's behaviour. I wouldnt make plans with one of my friends and cancel last minute for a non-reason, so i wouldnt do it to someone else. Especially since we are all busy, and we often rearrange our days/ weeks/ etc to suit these kinds of things.

    I totally get your annoyance OP. I hate unreliability and I just dont have room for it in my life. Usually if someone cancels on me 2 or so times, that's it for me - I just am too busy and dont have time for it at all.

    And for next time - if I feel like someone is prone to last minute cancelling, I dont tell my child beforehand that they are meeting their friend - I would wait until the day, and then I would text the person and confirm on the morning that they are coming before I told my child.
    Totally agree with you and I do the exact same thing as far as not telling my kids about exciting plans until the actual day. I generally tell them that we're doing something exciting the next day that they're going to love, but don't tell them what it is so that if the plans fall through I can make other exciting plans and they will be none the wiser of what they missed out on, haha

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  12. #10
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    This would annoy me. Chances are I would have arranged my week/day (including work) around the playdate. I think I'm similar to @cheeeeesecake and wouldn't bother after too many last minute cancels.

    I understand using those kind of consequences in the heat of the moment but it does seem a bit over the top, the kid must have done something very bad. Depending on my mood I'd probably let the other mum know how devastated my son was.


 

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