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  1. #1
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    Default HELP PLEASE in lost on how to deal with marriage seperation and telling the kids

    ok so i cant believe i am writing this but my husband and I are sperating.

    it came out of the blue for me like BAM but my husband just isnt happy and thinks if he is a happier man then he will be a batter dad as awful as it is i can see why he is leaving. . . i think

    i feel sick just writing that because i have no idea how we are going to tell our chidlren!! We have 2 kids DD is 4 and DS is 6 and he is on the Autism spectrum he is high functioning but change is a massive trigger for him. i have gone over it and over it in my head trying to think of a script to explain things but i dont know what to do!!

    We plan on telling them together 3 days before he moves out but how!!

    Also anyone who has any advice on single parenting payment? How long does it take to come thru? i am starting from nothing and it is pertrifying i have no saving or anything.

  2. #2
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    My husband did this. But he ended up being a terrible father once he got his freedom. I really hope your dh is better than that. When I told my kids I just pretty much said that dad is going to be living away from us but we are still a family. You still have a mum and dad that love you. Then I pointed out other children that they know that have separated parents - to try and normalise it for them. Because really, it's so common these days and I wanted my children to know more than anything that this isn't weird, it's just a transition and they are going to always be loved. My boys know that you don't have to stay I am unsatisfying relationship so I'm glad they've learnt that. I just wish my ex was better at modelling what's good father does.
    Good luck to you! It's a tough road but you can do it!

  3. #3
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    Can you tell your kids earlier than that to give them more chance to adjust? Can you do up a picture book with photos of mummy and daddy (and daddy's new house)? Have a new routine chart/poster in place when you do tell your kids?

    Maybe the kids can make a picture to hang in daddy's new house? Choose a favourite item of theirs to go in their new room at daddy's house?


    (I suppose what I'm saying is have all your ducks in a down and the new routine down pat and clearly articulated to the kids).

    Good luck.

  4. #4
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    It's such a crappy time. For your one with ASD, could you do a social story? And maybe look at the library for a few picture books too? Maybe the social story could go like this:
    This is my family. I have one sister, a mummy and a daddy (individual pictures of everyone)
    I know my mummy loves me.
    I know my daddy loves me.
    I know my sister loves me. And I love them too. (Nice picture of your DS with each person)
    Our family is going to look a bit different now. Mummy and Daddy can't live together in the same house any more.
    I am going to live with mummy and my sister in our house most of the time.
    Sometimes, my sister and I will go and stay with Daddy at his new house.
    We can still play cricket with Daddy, and visit the park (whatever works for you guys)
    I can take my favourite books and a toy with me.
    Daddy's house looks like this (you may not be able to do this yet, but it's good to add in when you can).
    Even thought Daddy doesn't live in our home any more, I still get to see him lots, and I know he still loves me.

    This is just an idea but I use social stories a lot with kids I work with and find they are incredibly useful, not only for ASD kids, but anyone under the age of 6 who faces a big change or a challenge. Good luck.

  5. #5
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    Good advice here re: the children. As for centrelink, get onto them asap and this will become your separation date and you will be backpaid to this date. Even if you are living in the same house you can be separated.
    Going thru the centrelink process was huge for me but i took it step by step. It means a lot of time on the phone etc but if you work through it all it is worth it and gives you the security to make choices about how you will live. My children watched more tv during this time than they ever have so that i could be on the phone/computer but we got there in the end. If there is no major rush then set yourself one goal a day to organise one thing. This is what i did. Sometimes for me it was just finding out the next phone number i needed or copying a document. Other times it was a big day of organisation. Whatever i could cope with on the day. I started from scratch as i had never had any payments before so for you it might be less if you already have centrelink ID etc.
    Online calculators on their site can give you some idea of how much money you will have but always talk to someone. Be prepared to wait on hold for a very very long time...so walk around with your phone on speaker and get lots of positive things done while you wait! This helped me! Please ask if i can help any more. I have two 3 year olds who were 2 when we separated and i also moved 400km to a new town so had to arrange accommodation etc. I'm so sorry for your situation. I remember that time well. But i do know how much life looks up and i have had an amazing year where i thought it would be awful. My separation was not my choice either but i chose to make the best of it and it IS possible to be okay. xx
    Last edited by NAT2561; 14-01-2017 at 07:55.


 

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