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  1. #21
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    I had so many. I was very open about the fact we were struggling and when we decided to do IVF too, so it's not like people were just putting their foot in it without realizing. And I'm the type of person who will shoot a comment back at them and it STILL kept happening. Some I can remember:

    "IVF will give you cancer, I knew a lady who did IVF and she got ovarian cancer"
    Thank you for sharing your informed study of one

    "IVF kids are always F'd up. They have allergies and behaviour problems. A lady I know did IVF and has 4 kids, they're all screwed in some way"
    Because that couldn't be anything to do with allergies running in their family or plain bad luck could it? No, of course not...

    "Obviously you and your husband are not biologically compatible. Don't you think that means there'll likely be something wrong with your kids anyway?"
    Well no, but thanks for giving me something else to worry about.

    "Why go through IVF you can have one of mine!"
    I'm sure you think you're hilarious. You're not.

    "Just relax and it will happen"
    Oh, silly me, why hadn't I tried that before?

    "You'll get pregnant naturally after IVF that always happens"
    My husbands sperm and my egg do not communicate at all, so no, probably not.

    "You're so lucky you don't have kids, mine are a nightmare"
    Strange, I don't feel 'lucky'...

    "Are you sure you want to do this?
    Isn't IVF expensive?"
    Oh, now that you mention it, maybe we should think about it. I mean, we just decided on a whim to give this IVF thing a whirl because we weren't busy this week and we had a spare $20k

    "I know how you feel, we tried for ages too, it took a good 6 months, it was agony"
    I would have been overjoyed to fall pregnant within 6 months

    "DTD at the full moon, it really works"
    This one from a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. Oh, that's what we've been doing wrong!! Here I was thinking we should DTD leading up to ovulation. Silly me.

    "How long will you try for before you give up"?"
    Literally the minute I told someone we were about to start TTC

    "My husband just has to look at me and I get pregnant!"
    Lovely. Lucky you.

    "WE never had any problems"
    From FIL. Insinuating the problem clearly lies with my side of the family.

    "Go on holiday, everyone falls pregnant then"
    Yeah, we've done that, again, holidaying didn't convince my egg and DH's sperm to want to do what they're meant to do

    "Just adopt"
    Thanks for your input.



    And when I finally got pregnant:

    "Don't get excited, my friends who've done IVF always have a miscarriage the first time"

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by HillDweller View Post

    "I know how you feel, we tried for ages too, it took a good 6 months, it was agony"
    I would have been overjoyed to fall pregnant within 6 months
    This one used to make my eye twitch. Especially those that were 'devastated' after 3 months of trying. Ok, I get it. It's such an emotional time where you are so hopeful and excited and getting AF is crap. But seriously. You don't say that to someone you know has been ttc for years. Bc despite there maybe being a genuine attempt to show empathy, you don't understand. Anymore than *I* understand what it's like to go through IVF. Sure I have an idea but I haven't been through it so how can I fully understand? But you can show empathy without comparing a 3 month stint to 3 yrs

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  4. #23
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    Six months after giving birth to my stillborn son, my dh's "friend", who was drunk, loudly said to my Sh in front of a lot of people, "when are you two going to have a baby already?!" This was years ago and I never spoke to him again.
    Also, after having my baby boy last year, the number of people who wished me a happy 'first' Mother's Day was astounding. Including my fil. So dismissive.

  5. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by BB77 View Post
    Six months after giving birth to my stillborn son, my dh's "friend", who was drunk, loudly said to my Sh in front of a lot of people, "when are you two going to have a baby already?!" This was years ago and I never spoke to him again.
    Also, after having my baby boy last year, the number of people who wished me a happy 'first' Mother's Day was astounding. Including my fil. So dismissive.
    Oh that is horrible people really do suck. A girl I work with had a still born and I was so paranoid about saying the wrong thing when she came back to work, especially because my youngest niece had the same due date as her son. I was careful to not talk about my niece too much around her, because I didn't want to upset her.

    And it just sucks how people don't regard still births as your children. The people I've known to have gone through that I'm always very careful to ensure that I count the number of children correctly - the girl I work with has since had a daughter and I always make sure I say she has 2 kids, because she does.

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  7. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pcos30 View Post
    Oh that is horrible people really do suck. A girl I work with had a still born and I was so paranoid about saying the wrong thing when she came back to work, especially because my youngest niece had the same due date as her son. I was careful to not talk about my niece too much around her, because I didn't want to upset her.

    And it just sucks how people don't regard still births as your children. The people I've known to have gone through that I'm always very careful to ensure that I count the number of children correctly - the girl I work with has since had a daughter and I always make sure I say she has 2 kids, because she does.
    So true. A stillborn child is still part of the family. Don't be worried about keeping quiet around your friend. I like it when people bring them up, it's the very obvious stupid stuff that you shouldn't say!

  8. #26
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    "it's no wonder you haven't fallen pregnant yet. You need to get your body into a healthier state, then maybe you'll fall pregnant" (because I had an ear infection) then shortly after that "well my cousin had to lose 20kgs to fall pregnant.." I'm about 5kgs lighter than what she weighed before she fell pregnant (my friend)

  9. #27
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    Wow sapphire, that's some harsh words People can be so judgemental - and so wrong! Did you call them out for being rude? I've started doing that if people make comments I dislike or find hurtful. It makes for an uncomfortable silence, but at least they know not to do it again!

  10. #28
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    Sorry to hear about the way people are behaving around you.

    I had a similar experience. It's the usual get married already.

    When you do when are you going to have a kid. This from someone who couldn't have one for 10 years.

    I didn't tell people about ivf just close friends.

    When we got pregnant and had the baby the same people didn't say congratulations.

    That tells me people can be nasty and jealous.

    I wish you the best and hope your baby will come soon.

    Butterfly x

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  12. #29
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    So sorry we have to put up with all these insensitive comments.

    One that I received that hasn't already been mentioned by others occurred when I was at work and suffering some serious IVF bloat. At this stage we had been ttc almost 5 years and had been doing IVF for about 2 years.

    A lady from work excitedly asked if I was pregnant. I told her no and she kept asking 'are you sure' and 'are you kidding' etc. I explained that I was on meds which caused me to bloat but she still didn't believe me and kept going on and on and on about how I must be pregnant. I was fighting back tears at this stage (all the extra hormones weren't helping) and then she said 'oh have I upset you?' I responded that I was fine and she kept going with 'oh but your face is red', 'oh but you look like you are about to cry', 'are you sure you are not about to cry?' I couldn't handle it any longer and just bolted from the room. Oh did I mention it was a crowded room full of my colleagues as we were having a function.

    I ended up with a chemical pregnancy that cycle so thank goodness this happened towards the beginning of the cycle and not while I was losing the pregnancy - otherwise I may have totally lost it

  13. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by ana14 View Post
    Wow sapphire, that's some harsh words People can be so judgemental - and so wrong! Did you call them out for being rude? I've started doing that if people make comments I dislike or find hurtful. It makes for an uncomfortable silence, but at least they know not to do it again!
    I just try to ignore it as best I can then vent my frustration to DH later on I'm not one for confrontation when it comes to that side of things


 

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