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  1. #11
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    I've been really lucky not to have had too many comments... just lots of when will you have another one...

    But in terms of insensitive remarks I had one recently. I'm sure nothing was meant by it, but in the situation I am sure they could have chosen more appropriate wording and at a teary time anyway I went home and just bawled. I've just had a super early MC a 5.5 weeks. I haven't had one before, was upset obviously and didn't know what to expect. Started bleeding so turned up to the hospital (on my dr advice) who took bloods and said well your test is still positive, go home, try to be hopeful and come back tomorrow for an ultrasound. Turned up the next day to the radiology and got this bloke who asked me what was going on. I told him how many weeks I was and that they thought I was possibly having a MC but that's why I was there to check it out. So up oh table - I knew things didn't look good as couldn't see anything on the screen. But then he just goes "are you sure you are even pregnant?" Umm yes yes I am. "Yes but are you actually sure?!" Well I was mate - positive home test, positive dr test, positive hospital test. "Oh well, there's nothing ther so you aren't now. That's that then". And then he just left.

    2 weeks on I don't feel so bad now, but still feel they could have been a bit more sensitive about it. Like asking was I sure I had even been pregnant when he had the hospital notes right there - c'mon!! 😡😢

  2. #12
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    We spent 4.5 years ttc our first, only 6 months for our 2nd and just over 3 for our third so we have spent an insane amount of time ttc. I've had a lot of comments over the years but these are probably the stand outs.

    Stop trying so hard and it will happen. My sister/bestie/aunty did that and she got UTD straight away.
    Yes bc endo and terrible motility suddenly disappear when we don't try so hard

    Maybe this is a sign from the universe that you weren't meant to have any/2 kids.
    It's a sign from the universe you are a jerk.

    You have 2 healthy kids. Why don't you just be happy with them?

    Yes bc the fact I badly want a third child means I'm not happy with the 2 I have

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  4. #13
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    Gosh people are just so rude & insensitive!! It really frustrates me.

    We spent 4 years ttc our dd. We've also had terrible comments from 'maybe it's a sign you're not meant to be parents' to when we were going through ivf:

    'ivf kids are allergic to everything, people shouldn't even have kids if you have to do ivf'. I so badly just wanted to punch people in the face when saying silly things like that.

    So many more comments have been made but I can't think of them now.

    We've recently just gone through a missed miscarriage. I had one of my friends when she found out go to great lengths telling me how she doesn't have any of my 'issues' and that all her children were unplanned & she was on birth control at the time. Not really what I wanted to hear at the moment!

    I'm so sorry for people saying such stupid things at such a hard time. I don't think people realise how hard a time we're all having. xx

  5. #14
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    I've heard people (especially religious) say that ivf is wrong and if you were meant to have kids you would have them.

    Yes, that's why you took AB's for that raging ear infection or had a c/s bc the birth was going wrong right? Bc you are leaving it to god and how it was meant to be? Idiots.

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  7. #15
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    This thread needs a 'Wow' or shocked face emoji button, not just the 'Thanks' button. So many of these are just awful!

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  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by erinn View Post
    I've been really lucky not to have had too many comments... just lots of when will you have another one...

    But in terms of insensitive remarks I had one recently. I'm sure nothing was meant by it, but in the situation I am sure they could have chosen more appropriate wording and at a teary time anyway I went home and just bawled. I've just had a super early MC a 5.5 weeks. I haven't had one before, was upset obviously and didn't know what to expect. Started bleeding so turned up to the hospital (on my dr advice) who took bloods and said well your test is still positive, go home, try to be hopeful and come back tomorrow for an ultrasound. Turned up the next day to the radiology and got this bloke who asked me what was going on. I told him how many weeks I was and that they thought I was possibly having a MC but that's why I was there to check it out. So up oh table - I knew things didn't look good as couldn't see anything on the screen. But then he just goes "are you sure you are even pregnant?" Umm yes yes I am. "Yes but are you actually sure?!" Well I was mate - positive home test, positive dr test, positive hospital test. "Oh well, there's nothing ther so you aren't now. That's that then". And then he just left.

    2 weeks on I don't feel so bad now, but still feel they could have been a bit more sensitive about it. Like asking was I sure I had even been pregnant when he had the hospital notes right there - c'mon!!
    I have children so wasn't going to reply, but this one reminded me of a few months ago. I miscarried at about 8 weeks with a baby we had been trying for, for 11 months. I was out of town by myself, so went to the hospital by myself when the bleeding started. When the doctor told me what was happening, I started crying and she just said "why are you even crying, you're not even pregnant, it's gone any way".
    Then of course I start bawling my eyes out and I hear her tell a nurse (because curtains aren't even remotely soundproof) that I'm "too upset for someone who isn't pregnant" and maybe need a psych consult.

  10. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ahalfdozen View Post
    I have children so wasn't going to reply, but this one reminded me of a few months ago. I miscarried at about 8 weeks with a baby we had been trying for, for 11 months. I was out of town by myself, so went to the hospital by myself when the bleeding started. When the doctor told me what was happening, I started crying and she just said "why are you even crying, you're not even pregnant, it's gone any way".
    Then of course I start bawling my eyes out and I hear her tell a nurse (because curtains aren't even remotely soundproof) that I'm "too upset for someone who isn't pregnant" and maybe need a psych consult.
    That's so unprofessional and nasty. I've had similar reactions from my m/c's but more from family and friends than med pros.

  11. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by M'LadyEm View Post
    I think the worst comment I got was when I was having a hcg done at the beginning of this pregnancy when I was faced with a threatened miscarriage. The phlebotomist actually said to me "gee, everybody is wishing to be pregnant today!" in quite a negative tone of voice. Never mind that it was an IVF pregnancy on our 4th round after 3+ years of trying. FU lady. I almost wrote and complained but I was more concerned with what was actually happening to me at the time.

    I used to just fob people off by saying it would happen when it happens, we were saving money etc until it got to a point where I would just flat out tell people the truth - we've been trying for years, no luck yet. We've started IVF. I'm just getting over a miscarriage etc etc. So what if it makes them uncomfortable, they're the ones asking the probing questions.
    I admire you for telling the truth to people and it might make someone think twice before asking the next person.

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  13. #19
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    I think the worst is people who are lucky and take it for granted.

    A friend of mine who wasn't even officially trying fell first go and she has done nothing but whine to me about how much being pregnant sucks. Never once thinking "geez she would probably give everything to be in my place". Oh - and she also was going to abort because she freaked out about it happening so quickly.

    Then there is a guy at work who's wife unexpectedly fell and I got caught in the kitchen when he was talking to someone else and explaining that they couldn't decide whether to keep it or not, they already have 2 and didn't really want a 3rd. That annoys me - I'm pro-choice, but I'm also pro-use your brain. Don't want more kids? Find a contraceptive option.

    I've shut a few people down before by just mentioning my PCOS. Luckily all my friends and family know and they don't say anything or ask any questions. So I'm lucky in that respect. But I don't hesitate to shut them down - even exaggerate. Was having dinner at my MIL's one night and a friend of hers was drunk and started saying stuff (first time DF and I had met her mind) and so I shut her down by pointing out that I was due in surgery 3 days later for my PCOS, that i was probably never going to be able to have kids etc. She went bright red and changed the subject. Funnily enough MIL isn't friends with her anymore...

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  15. #20
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    I had so many. I was very open about the fact we were struggling and when we decided to do IVF too, so it's not like people were just putting their foot in it without realizing. And I'm the type of person who will shoot a comment back at them and it STILL kept happening. Some I can remember:

    "IVF will give you cancer, I knew a lady who did IVF and she got ovarian cancer"
    Thank you for sharing your informed study of one

    "IVF kids are always F'd up. They have allergies and behaviour problems. A lady I know did IVF and has 4 kids, they're all screwed in some way"
    Because that couldn't be anything to do with allergies running in their family or plain bad luck could it? No, of course not...

    "Obviously you and your husband are not biologically compatible. Don't you think that means there'll likely be something wrong with your kids anyway?"
    Well no, but thanks for giving me something else to worry about.

    "Why go through IVF you can have one of mine!"
    I'm sure you think you're hilarious. You're not.

    "Just relax and it will happen"
    Oh, silly me, why hadn't I tried that before?

    "You'll get pregnant naturally after IVF that always happens"
    My husbands sperm and my egg do not communicate at all, so no, probably not.

    "You're so lucky you don't have kids, mine are a nightmare"
    Strange, I don't feel 'lucky'...

    "Are you sure you want to do this?
    Isn't IVF expensive?"
    Oh, now that you mention it, maybe we should think about it. I mean, we just decided on a whim to give this IVF thing a whirl because we weren't busy this week and we had a spare $20k

    "I know how you feel, we tried for ages too, it took a good 6 months, it was agony"
    I would have been overjoyed to fall pregnant within 6 months

    "DTD at the full moon, it really works"
    This one from a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. Oh, that's what we've been doing wrong!! Here I was thinking we should DTD leading up to ovulation. Silly me.

    "How long will you try for before you give up"?"
    Literally the minute I told someone we were about to start TTC

    "My husband just has to look at me and I get pregnant!"
    Lovely. Lucky you.

    "WE never had any problems"
    From FIL. Insinuating the problem clearly lies with my side of the family.

    "Go on holiday, everyone falls pregnant then"
    Yeah, we've done that, again, holidaying didn't convince my egg and DH's sperm to want to do what they're meant to do

    "Just adopt"
    Thanks for your input.



    And when I finally got pregnant:

    "Don't get excited, my friends who've done IVF always have a miscarriage the first time"


 

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