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  1. #1
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    Default Insensitive comments about ttc

    What's the most insensitive thing someone has said to you when ttc?

    For me the worst was when my MIL got drunk and screamed at me from across a crowded room (filled with family) "OMG, HAVE A BABY ALREADY!". We've been together for a very long time (married 6 years) and ttc #1 for 7 months. I had gotten my period the day before and cried myself to sleep, so I can't even describe how deeply her comment stung.

    Then there was my mum, who carelessly said "oh, I had a dream I would only ever have one grandchild". My older sister (with the one grandchild) desperately wants more (needs ivf), my younger sister was halfway through icsi after 2.5 years trying (is now pregnant! Yay!) and I've been trying. It was just a thoughtless, hurtful thing she didn't need to say. That and "I got pregnant just by thinking about it". Ugh. I love my mum but I wanted to hit her.

    It is a constant reminder to me to never say anything to others who are pregnant, or seem to be 'waiting' - our struggles may be kept private, but it doesn't mean others don't go through the same thing.

  2. #2
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    Short and sweet here

    When a work colleague brags that it took them forever to get pregnant and I ask how long. Answer 1 month. I kid you not. I tell her that's not long at all she was like but we had sex every day. I bit my lip and didn't say that there is only a small window of a few days each month. Then she ask me and I was like 4 years. Her answer geez sex every day for 4 days. Secretly I was laughing and hurting as she complained all week long about it

  3. #3
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    My best friend told me she couldn't stand to be around me because she had a baby and I didn't. This was the day before starting my IVF meds. Needless to say we're no longer friends.

    Another friend told me after we had been trying for 2 years I'd better hurry up as I wasn't getting any younger (was 28 at the time).

    Then there's always the "just relax and it'll happen" seriously if one more person said that to me I think I'd punch them in the face!

    I'm sure I've got others, actually I know I've got others but these are the main ones that pop into my head.

  4. #4
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    After about 3 years of trying, we started telling people that we didn't want to have any children to save having to answer their annoying questions about why we didn't have any yet.

    One guy we worked with had serious baby fever - it was literally all he talked about, and he had two small kids at home. One day he had his DD in at work and I was playing with her, and he turned around and said "Do you ever feel guilty that you're so good with kids but just so selfish that you refuse to have any?" I found that to be pretty upsetting.

    I also had my BFF tell me once that the room I was using for my study would be way better as a nursery, when she knew we had tried for years and years to have a baby and had eventually given up.

  5. #5
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    hugs. people are such assholes

  6. #6
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    F me. Those comments are pretty bad, especially yours, @Shoopuf! Selfish! Wtf??

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    Shoopuf  (13-01-2017)

  8. #7
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    I was struggling with secondary infertility after my DS and started telling people we were more than happy with just our one. My DH's friend went on a rant how I couldn't possibly just have one child, that would be so cruel!
    It was so upsetting at the time.

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    A girl at work told me not to be sad because i shouldn't have any trouble falling pregnant again because once you've been pregnant it's super easy the next time.

    Not all that harsh but I had given birth to our stillborn son 6 weeks earlier after 3 years of ivf and knew we would never get pregnant naturally.

    I told her I would love to read the research that shows childbirth cures severe male factor infertility.

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    DH & i have been together 14yrs & married 7. So MIL was always telling people "oh they will never have kids" we were diagnosed "unexplained infertility" so for 4yrs all we heard was "relax, it will happen". My bestie (who is partnered with DH bestie) were having difficulties ttc also so they started ivf. We couldn't afford ivf do saved & finally had enough money to start January last year but found out the December before we were expecting our miracle baby. I was si scared to tell my bestie as they had been through a few rounds without success & we fell naturally. I rang her & told her i know we have all been through alot blah blah blah & she hung up on me....we had been friends all our life. I was so upset that she could throw our friendship away like that. Her partner kept & still is in contact with us & she is now expecting herself which i am very happy for them but we still no longer speak. It is just such a shame that her jealousy was so deep she couldnt be happy for us....even though we are for them.

    Sorry for the long post & i know it says "insensitive comments" but in this case it was sometimes saying nothing can be just as hurtful.

  11. #10
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    I think the worst comment I got was when I was having a hcg done at the beginning of this pregnancy when I was faced with a threatened miscarriage. The phlebotomist actually said to me "gee, everybody is wishing to be pregnant today!" in quite a negative tone of voice. Never mind that it was an IVF pregnancy on our 4th round after 3+ years of trying. FU lady. I almost wrote and complained but I was more concerned with what was actually happening to me at the time.

    I used to just fob people off by saying it would happen when it happens, we were saving money etc until it got to a point where I would just flat out tell people the truth - we've been trying for years, no luck yet. We've started IVF. I'm just getting over a miscarriage etc etc. So what if it makes them uncomfortable, they're the ones asking the probing questions.


 

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