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  1. #1
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    Default Know-it-all partner

    Little bit of a vent.

    I have a know-it-all partner. One of those people who can't be told, and has to question everything that he see's as unreasonable or illogical (based on his perception of the person involved).

    He comes home from work, and everyone is an idiot apart from those he holds in high esteem (1 person). He does work exceptionally hard, but still.

    Lately, it is bothering me how he is getting worse with me. He doesn't assume that I am making an intelligent or logical decision, but he questions me- even a small decision such as a supermarket purchase.

    This questioning is really starting to get to me, and my confidence is wavering. I question my own decisions more and more. He is getting angry that I'm lacking confidence, but refuses to appreciate his role in this.

    I'm trying to increase my confidence in different ways, but I'm consciously keeping this to myself. I worry about the consequence of withholding what I'm doing, but am not quite sure what else to do.

    Vent over.
    Last edited by I am Brooke; 12-01-2017 at 13:26.

  2. #2
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    Op, I'm wondering if he is doing this on purpose to give him something else to whinge about or if he doesn't realise he's doing it?

    If you think he doesn't realise he is doing this you might have to call him out on it. Next time he has a go at something you buy or do say 'this is why I'm lacking confidence because you're constantly questioning every decision I make'. It might make him realise what he's doing.

    If he's doing it on purpose I'm sorry as that's awful for someone to do. If he has a go at you for a purchase tell him he can do all the shopping then.

    I really hope he's not doing it on purpose. What does your gut feeling tell you? It's so hard to comment when don't know any of the people involved.

    Have you spoken to him about how he makes you feel before?

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    I am Brooke  (15-01-2017)

  4. #3
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    No real advice except my FIL is like this a whole lot. When hubby starts going that way I just slip a few "gees you sound like your father" comments, which he takes as a big insult, and it calms him back down again. Doesn't happen to much any more thankfully.

    The other thing I like to point out to him, is that every idiot thinks they are the smartest person in the room... How does he know he isn't that idiot. "I just know" doesn't blow over well as an answer because of course, that's exactly what the idiot would say.

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    I am Brooke  (15-01-2017),mckel  (12-01-2017)

  6. #4
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    My partner is very argumentative . He too will question something with absolutely no knowledge of the topic, just for the sake of 'winning'. It can drive me up the wall but I call him out on it each and every time! I'm the least competitive person ever and couldn't give a rats about what people think. He on the other hand, is quite insecure. His arguing is a manifestation of his need for approval, to sound as though he's the 'authority'. His work plays a large role in this and I notice it heaps more when he's stressed at work. I'll simply say, "I'm sorry you've got a lot on your mind but it's neither fair nor necessary for you to take it out on me", and move on. He's pretty good with recognising it thankfully.

    Do you think this could be the case with your DH? Is he over stressed, or feeling out of control? It could just be his way of trying to feel as though everything is in order, like he knows what he's doing...it's not ok though! Don't feel as though you have to keep it in, and don't take it on as your problem! Xxx

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    I am Brooke  (15-01-2017)

  8. #5
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    Thank you everyone.

    DP and I have had a conversation about his attitude, particularly how he is influencing the way our children talk back to me.

    It is getting to me lately because I having more and more difficulty at controlling their behaviour, particularly when it comes to going to bed.


 

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