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  1. #1
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    Default Fam inviting themselves on hols

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    Last edited by yadot; 06-01-2017 at 11:56.

  2. #2
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    Huge hugs it sounds really complicated. It also sounds like you may have too see them regardless if you go ahead with this trip. I'm not sure what the answer is.

    Can you change the timing? Go somewhere else first so when you go to DL another time you can find a way to not let them hear about it?

    If you do go ahead can you put in place some ideas to limit exposure. So accept you will see them but make sure it is only at DL and at specific locations where you can exit quickly and easily?

    Maybe you need to have a serious talk with Sis2 about why you don't want to see your parents and other sister. I know you don't want to involve her but they sound very toxic and sis2 can't be completely unaware of their behaviour.

    I wish I had more to offer. Hopefully someone else will some more ideas.

    Hugs xx

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  4. #3
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    Simple. Don't tell them. And tell sis 2 if she does she will be uninvited. Your holiday you decide what happens.

    It should be a time to enjoy with your family. How many times to you get to go to Disneyland with young kids.. Enjoy it without stress

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  6. #4
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    Default Fam inviting themselves on hols

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    Last edited by yadot; 06-01-2017 at 11:57.

  7. #5
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    Have you told Sis 2 exact dates?

    How old are your children? Just wondering if they're old enough to keep the secret from Sis 1.

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    I completely understand why you don't want them invading your holiday and that it's causing you a lot of stress. The fact that they would just invite themselves is horrible and shows they don't respect boundaries and privacy
    I think there's a few options.
    Option 1. Tell the family members very directly that under no circumstances do you want to see them on this holiday. And believe what you are saying is right and best for you and own it. Say something like ' I am still processing and dealing with the circumstances of our last catch up and maintaining distance at this time is the best thing for repairing our relationship. I will let you know when I am ready to see you. Please respect my wishes on this matter.'
    Option 2: discuss with sis 2 in very stern terms that you have no interest in seeing other members of your family and do not want them knowing about the trip at all. Tell her if she cannot commit to this then tell her that regretfully you will not be coming.
    Option 3: go and tell no one. Not even sis 2 (tell her you've cancelled the trip). Maybe catch up with her while you are there but don't tell her in advance. Tell the kids a week or 2 before going and no Skype calls before you go. Then if anyone finds out/complains later explain it was a holiday for the kids only and you only wanted it to be about them.
    Good luck @yadot it sounds very unpleasant and I hope you can take some power back and get the family holiday you want. These people have no right to overstep the boundaries and force themselves on you x

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    Yes she knows the dates & the hotel

    Kids are 6 and under.

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    I would either try and (fake) retract the plans and "cancel" the trip. Don't tell anyone. You are under no obligation to disclose plans to anyone.

    Failing that, tell your family flat out that if they invite themselves along and book flights, you WILL NOT be spending time with them as it's is a holiday for your family and they weren't invited.

    I guess I am biased as I haven't spoken to my own toxic parents for years, so I wouldn't sugar coat stuff. What's the point of going on holiday if you will just be miserable the whole time. I can't think of a bigger waste of time and money.

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    Sis2's wish for a stress free wedding does not negate your desire for a stress free holiday.
    One is not more important than the other.
    I think @gingermillie had some great options.

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    Quote Originally Posted by yadot View Post
    Yes she knows the dates & the hotel

    Kids are 6 and under.
    Okay, I would then have another chat to Sis 2 and explain to her that under no circumstances is she to tell other family members about your trip. Tell her that if you find out other family members know and have invited themselves, that you will not hesitate to reschedule your trip.

    How often do they skype with Sis 1? I would give the kids much shorter notice about the trip so that they don't have an opportunity to spill the details.

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