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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Purple Poppy View Post
    I understand if you dont want to answer this. But why do you put up with that? You are worth so much more than being his housekeeper.
    I'd also like to add the OP to this question please???

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    Hopeful37  (07-01-2017)

  3. #22
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    Apologies if I'm out of line for this one

    But have you considered following him to see where he is at all hours of the night? To see if he is telling the truth of his whereabouts ?
    @DT75 I know my dh and have had problems which we are working through but what yours is doing is beyond a joke. I'm so sorry. He sounds like a complete pig. I'd take my kids and get out of there. Mould on the dishes that is a serious health risk to your kids. How on earth can he afford to throw everything out just to buy new again if he isn't working ?

  4. #23
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    Ive just has this exact conversation with my DH. I basically said either he start helping or i wont work.

    Ive recently gone back to work part time after being a sahm for 8 years. I was happy to do it all when i was home full time but NO WAY if im working.

    Thankfully DH has stepped up. Though hes back at work next week so we'll see what happens.

  5. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeful37 View Post
    @DT75 your husband actually throws out clothes and dishes so he doesn't have to clean them?! Sorry to say but that is one of the laziest things I have ever heard. How wasteful

    It's good that he has agreed to go to therapy. Hopefully over time he might step up if he hears it enough from the counsellor
    That was about a year ago tbh, but yes very wasteful.

    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Woah. Why do you put up with it? That's insane. He doesn't work yet you do everything. And he throws stuff out rather than clean them? My mind is blown and that's rare on here.Please don't be offended, but the fact this is his 3rd marriage says volumes. You are way too good for him, he doesn't even come close to deserving you. Run from this marriage hun.
    I
    don't put up with it. The kids do his laundry while doing theirs- they offered. He hasn't been working for 9 months but throwing stuff out etc was over ayear ago and one of the reasons we started therapy- it is a behaviour he picked up from his mother.
    As for this being his third marriage- his first ended after a secret abortion (they were 19) and second after she threatened to kill him when he reported her negligence and abuse (as well as a bunch of other issues). Not related to these issues at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by Purple Poppy View Post
    I understand if you dont want to answer this. But why do you put up with that? You are worth so much more than being his housekeeper.
    I am not ending a marriage over housework. The particular things mentioned were happening a year ago and have gotten better since working with a psych. He is also discussing medication which I know will make a huge difference.

    Quote Originally Posted by babybeeno1 View Post
    Apologies if I'm out of line for this one

    But have you considered following him to see where he is at all hours of the night? To see if he is telling the truth of his whereabouts ?
    @DT75 I know my dh and have had problems which we are working through but what yours is doing is beyond a joke. I'm so sorry. He sounds like a complete pig. I'd take my kids and get out of there. Mould on the dishes that is a serious health risk to your kids. How on earth can he afford to throw everything out just to buy new again if he isn't working ?
    That was a year ago, he isn't doing it now.

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    SAgirl  (09-01-2017)

  7. #25
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    Maybe he needs a wake up call.

    Can you go to your parents for a few weeks?

    Make him realise what you do for him.

    My hubby said withold sex that will make him pull his weight.

  8. #26
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    Hi ladies sorry for the late reply.
    My sister was down from Brissy and we have been spending some time catching up!
    So the other half has been home for two days now and helping out a bit more which is good.
    We are still yet to have a serious sit down talk but I'm pretty sure he picked up on my exhausted vibes.
    I will still make time to chat as this is really important, but with my sister staying with us it was hard to find the right moment.
    I'll keep you posted! And think I should stop tip toeing and just say it how it is! Thanks again xx

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    DT75  (09-01-2017)

  10. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    No advice, sorry as mine is the same.
    He isn't working at the moment though... so can't use that as an 'excuse'.

    We pay someone to do the lawn and plants, and he does look after bills.
    But I do 100% of housework, 98% of baby stuff (he plays with her for a few mins daily) and 90% of step-kid stuff (he does school drop off).
    He does do the bins, but I have to nag him.

    I gave up asking for help. I tried lists. I tried asking him to pick tasks. I tried a chore board. I tried changing wifi passwords, switching off foxtel... you name it I tried it.

    Eventually, I stopped doing his laundry, his meals, and his dishes. He would go out and buy new clothing, take-out, and just chuck the dishes once too mouldy.
    Meals and dishes went back on my rotation, as I was doing them anyway.
    The kids do his laundry...

    We started seeing a counsellor, and he has told H that he needs to step up, but he hasn't yet.

    This morning, however, I woke to no baby in the bed and it was 9.30am! He had taken her when he got up at 7 and they were happily playing on the floor. :O
    When I hear stuff like this.. Makes me happy to be single !

  11. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by kylie764 View Post
    When I hear stuff like this.. Makes me happy to be single !
    Haha
    yeah I get that a lot. But it's a snapshot of the overall life. He can be really good for a week and then weeks of crap, then good for a month, weeks of crap... I used to think he didn't see it but I think it has more to do with his bi-polar and upbringing. Thankfully he is discussing medication with our psych.

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  13. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    Haha
    yeah I get that a lot. But it's a snapshot of the overall life. He can be really good for a week and then weeks of crap, then good for a month, weeks of crap... I used to think he didn't see it but I think it has more to do with his bi-polar and upbringing. Thankfully he is discussing medication with our psych.
    Dt75.
    I hope you are ok.
    Sounds like a lot of work but you must love this guy.
    Hopefully there are some solutions that will work.
    I posted ages ago that I had one of these. He did absolutely nothing due to his mother his last wife and basically ......society.
    After many futile attempts at working it out I ended up charging him for my time.
    Extra rent for my extra work - He agreed - I was no longer angry.

    Or get a cleaner in and get him to pay for it.

  14. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Power child View Post
    Dt75.
    I hope you are ok.
    Sounds like a lot of work but you must love this guy.
    Hopefully there are some solutions that will work.
    I posted ages ago that I had one of these. He did absolutely nothing due to his mother his last wife and basically ......society.
    After many futile attempts at working it out I ended up charging him for my time.
    Extra rent for my extra work - He agreed - I was no longer angry.

    Or get a cleaner in and get him to pay for it.
    I am good, hun, thanks for asking
    We actually chatted about getting a cleaner and/or putting DD into daycare two days a week. Just waiting for his work to pick back up again.


 

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