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  1. #1
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    Default 6yr old sudden aggression and constant backchat

    So we have been having behaviour issues with DS for a while, just at home not school, I believe it's due to stress at home and inconsistencies in discipline. I am doing all I can to reduce/minimise both of these and pour lots of thought and energy into it. Whole other thread. But anyway, in the last couple of weeks he has escalated a lot. There are two issues:

    1. Constant backchat: anytime we tell him calmly and politely that a behaviour is not acceptable we either get the sentence mimicked back at us, or if, for example, we say "ds please speak politely to me", he'll say "YOU speak politely to ME!" even though I have. Purposely. Or if I say "please do not hit your sister" he'll say "well you hit her so I am too." Which I have not. He will not listen to me without talking back or talking over me, to pretend he's not listening. It's happening so much it's incredibly draining. If he does something wrong like throwing a toy right in front of me he will say I did it so I'd better pick it up.

    2. Aggression. He is hitting and hurting everyone in the family a lot more. Particularly me and his 3yr old sister who he enjoys tormenting more and more. This torment also takes the form of making up rude rhymes about her or saying she's done things she hasn't. Because she's 3 she can't ignore them and gets upset.

    I am staying as calm as I can to model the right behaviour and way to speak, praising good manners/behaviour, and speaking to him about feelings. I really get nothing back from him about how he feels apart from that he can't stop it or change it. I know it might take a while to overcome but does anyone have any advice or tips about how to better handle this? It's making the two weeks I have off work very unpleasant. We're going out as much as we can to entertain the kids and keep them busy. Being at home is a hellish nightmare. He can't often entertain himself at the moment so just looks for mischief or torments his sisters. Wondering if I should take him back to the psychologist. Hoping it doesn't continue when he returns to school.

    TIA

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    No real advice just great big hugs for you.
    Why did he see a psychologist before?
    Has anything changed? When did it start?

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    Is he about to start school? He could be nervous about that?

    The backchat thing is seriously annoying. The best advice I can give with my teacher hat on is stick to the original topic and don't let him divert you.

    'Speak nicely to your sister please.'
    'Well YOU speak nicely to ME.'
    'Right now we are talking about your behaviour. Speak nicely to your sister please.'
    Walk away.

    This is with my teacher hat on, not my parent hat 😂 Parent harvs is far easier to rile up...

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    Subbing... my 6 1/2 year old dd is like this, but 1000% worse ATM..

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    No real advice just great big hugs for you.
    Why did he see a psychologist before?
    Has anything changed? When did it start?
    The psychologist visit was due to ongoing tantrums/meltdowns. He was assessed and she doesn't think there is anything to diagnose, just behaviour problems.
    The tantrums have eased off slightly to be replaced with these behaviours in the last couple of weeks. We haven't had any changes, apart from being at home more due to school/work holidays. Christmas was quiet, just the five of us (and gastro). So I really can't put my finger on it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by harvs View Post
    Is he about to start school? He could be nervous about that?

    The backchat thing is seriously annoying. The best advice I can give with my teacher hat on is stick to the original topic and don't let him divert you.

    'Speak nicely to your sister please.'
    'Well YOU speak nicely to ME.'
    'Right now we are talking about your behaviour. Speak nicely to your sister please.'
    Walk away.

    This is with my teacher hat on, not my parent hat 😂 Parent harvs is far easier to rile up...
    He's just finished prep and is going into year 1, and seems excited about it despite class changes. So I don't think it's that.

    I will add the "right now we are talking about you" part to my repoitoire. I don't really know what other approach I could take. But glad I'm too far off track. Punitive measures make it worse Wish DH would realise this, walk away and/or calm down rather than arguing with him.

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    Quote Originally Posted by preggasaurus View Post
    Subbing... my 6 1/2 year old dd is like this, but 1000% worse ATM..
    Hugs! Maybe the holidays are contributing?

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    My DS has been getting a bit like this and his triggers are bad food/sugar and lack of sleep. These two things inevitably happen in school holidays. It's amazing the change in him when we clean out his diet and get him in bed by 8pm. Just a thought :-)
    Sometimes when he's in a good mood and behaving well, I take the opportunity to "check in" with him, seeing if he's ok and ask him about some possible causes of poor behaviour.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bel2466 View Post
    My DS has been getting a bit like this and his triggers are bad food/sugar and lack of sleep. These two things inevitably happen in school holidays. It's amazing the change in him when we clean out his diet and get him in bed by 8pm. Just a thought :-)
    Sometimes when he's in a good mood and behaving well, I take the opportunity to "check in" with him, seeing if he's ok and ask him about some possible causes of poor behaviour.
    Funny you should mention diet because I previously had him on the failsafe elimination diet and did notice some improvements. He came off it at the start of December due to lots of end of term parties. Maybe the foods have taken more time to build up in his system than I thought since reintroduction and the reactions have been delayed.

    He goes to bed at a good time (between 7-7:30) but wakes up as early as 5am no matter what he time he goes to bed. Very frustrating!

    I also have spoken to him quietly and I don't get any answers from him unfortunately

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    No real advice but my ds1 is very much like this at the moment.

    I currently get 'you can't force me' 100 times a day.
    I think it's an independence thing at this age, combined with other kids at school being ultra cool when they say stuff.

    I think school holidays, being constantly on the go, not much of a routine and less sleep certainly contributes.

    Missing out of fun activities is the only consequence that works for us at the moment, if that's the way that you want to go.


 

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