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  1. #1
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    Default I'm Married to the Love of My Life and I'm Unhappy

    I need to get this out of me or I am going to explode. I've been married to my best friend for almost nine years and he seems to be becoming more and more distant from me as each day passes... I am one of those people who loves hard and I'm loyal until you give me a reason not to be. With this man though, I have put up with A LOT and have stayed to work on our differences, etc, I mean that's what marriage is all about, right?
    Though lately, the more distant he becomes the more I feel myself resenting him and I find myself having thoughts about leaving and I feel as if I could be falling out of love with him, which makes me feel so depressed and this makes me resent him even more. Obviously I have tried to talk to him but he just never wants to hear me and he will never admit to any of this being because he neglects me, which causes us to fight. He gets so defensive and I want to avoid fighting with him at any cost so I will drop it, but he will just blow up and argue.
    I don't know what to do anymore, I'm so lost and I feel so alone...

    If anyone out there has a compassionate heart and could give me some friendly advice, I would truly appreciate it.

  2. #2
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    Has something happened in his life to make him distant for other reasons? Has it happened over time or suddenly?

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  4. #3
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    Honestly, he hasn't always been distant... he's had issues with his mother since his childhood and only just reconciled with her. She has been a big problem in our marriage before but as far as I'm aware she hasn't been causing issues lately.
    All he does when he comes home from work is sit on the iPad. He gets so angry with me if I say anything or hint at needing to wanting attention. He won't acknowledge me unless he really has to. It's getting beyond ridiculous.

    I've threatened to leave him twice. He gets all upset and cries and says he will be better and things will change but it lasts a couple of days and then goes back to the same old same.

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    pointless1  (30-12-2016)

  6. #4
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    I guess he wouldn't be up for counselling would he?

    That's really horrible. You shouldn't be ignored like that. It's hard to know what's going on. If he gets so upset if you threaten to leave he obviously doesn't want you too. But what does he expect is going to happen?

    Do you think you definitely would leave if things don't change?

  7. #5
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    He is really hard to read sometimes. And I don't always trust what he says, you know? He's said yes to counselling years ago but that never happened... I doubt he would openly talk to a stranger or anyone really, I mean he barely talks to me about how he's feeling. It's like pulling teeth getting him to open up.

    If I want any sort of attention from him I have to cause a fight, which I hate doing because I can't stand arguing. But any attention is better than none right now...

    A huge part of me wants to leave... but it goes against everything I promised myself as a kid coming from a broken home... I just don't know what else to do...

  8. #6
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    What stressors are in your life? Do you have kids? TTC'ing? Both working? Short on money? Not enough time together?

  9. #7
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    You don't always trust what he says, do you think he is hiding something from you?
    Have you tried any other ways of dealing with him other than picking a fight? ( I can see why you do, being ignored on a daily basis would really tick me off too!)

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    We have two boys which he normally focuses on as he trains them in rugby. We are TTC but that affects me more than it does him, he has said he is happy with the two boys we already have. We both work, I work from home as I'm an author, so we have money, we're comfortable. I feel like we don't get any time together but that is because he just won't make the time for me. He is always on the iPad. If he does talk to me it's about work and his friends.

    He has hidden things from me in the past but I always find out. He has a problem lying as that is what he used to do as a coping mechanism as a kid (which I get) but I can't stand lies and I've made it clear I need an honest relationship with communication and trust. He says he understands and I have nothing to worry about but I feel as though he is saying what I want to hear. Like, after a year of being sober he said he wanted to start drinking again (which I don't agree with as we are Mormon and don't drink) but all of a sudden he wants to be less active. I know this is due to the friends he has at work but I trusted him last time when he said they wouldn't be an issue and now look. He knows not only do I not like drinking due to our faith but I have an issue with alcohol because my father was an abusive drunk and he let his friends sexually abuse me as a kid. Yet my husband still chooses to drink after knowing I don't approve. He promised he wouldn't drink every weekend and guess what? He's been drinking every weekend, guilt tripping me into it.

    I've tried talking to him. I've tried leaving it alone and just keeping it all in and dealing with it alone. I've tried just about everything I can thinking of that I think might work with him.

    As much as I love him I just feel like I don't have much option left but to walk away... that's why I've turned to you lovely people for advice. I don't have anyone else to talk to about this...

  11. #9
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    I honestly feel like I mean nothing to him. He puts his own selfish wants before my needs and I'm really done feeling this way. But how do I walk away from someone I am still in love with?

  12. #10
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    How much does he drink? If it's a reasonable amount could this be more about you needing help (with your past, needing to control your husband) rather than your hubby being inappropriate?

    Have you tried couples counsellIng?
    If you haven't already please stop TTC'ing - it's not good for a baby to be brought into a situation where both parents aren't fully on board with each other and the idea of a new baby.

    Good luck


 

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