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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    The author looked and ignored!

    If you saw a child in a store that was upset and looked lost would you take out your watch and time how long it takes for the parent to go looking for or find their child? And then write an article/post about not paying enough attention to your child at the store. But of course you CANNOT use a lead as your child is not a dog.

    So IMO yes, leaving small children in a running car is not an awesome thing to do but being someone who seems to deliberately try and make an example of a mother and then write about it is also not awesome.
    I agree with all of this.

    Her sentiments of the 15 minute late adventure I agree with but she handled it totally wrong way.

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4B2L View Post
    If only judging and shaming was not the accepted response. If I saw these children and honestly believed they were distressed and the mother was not watching them just so she could get a coffee I would not judge and certainly under no circumstances would I shame her. My first response would be thinking that here is a mother, like me, who has likely sacrificed many things to be a mother. Who may be stressed, tired, or who knows what. Maybe that coffee is the one thing she truly looks forward to all day before she devotes the next 24 hours to caring for 3 young children. So I would have watched the children if I was concerned and made sure they were ok. Once the mother came back and I would walked away.
    Thing is judgement was necessary in this case, it's how the author was able to assess her feelings on this mothers actions.

    In all honesty I think the author is just as much in the wrong. If she judged that the situation was dangerous to those kids she should have done something about it, not shame the mum after

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  5. #23
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    Honestly, I do think this is a situation where it was warranted that someone said something to the mother.

    15 minutes is an awfully long time to leave your children in the car, and with the keys in the ignition it makes it an even riskier move.

    Usually a couple of times a year there is a news story where a car is stolen in a similar situation. Can you imagine the horror of someone stealing your car with your precious children inside it? Can you imagine the sickening feeling when you have to digest that you placed your children in that situation because you wanted to spend extra time swanning around in a coffee shop? It's just not a risk worth taking IMO.

    I don't necessarily like the approach the author took, however it may have given the mum a wake up call that was sorely needed? Sometimes people trick themselves into thinking something they are doing is okay, simply because no one has the guts to call them on it.

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  7. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4B2L View Post
    If only judging and shaming was not the accepted response. If I saw these children and honestly believed they were distressed and the mother was not watching them just so she could get a coffee I would not judge and certainly under no circumstances would I shame her. My first response would be thinking that here is a mother, like me, who has likely sacrificed many things to be a mother. Who may be stressed, tired, or who knows what. Maybe that coffee is the one thing she truly looks forward to all day before she devotes the next 24 hours to caring for 3 young children. So I would have watched the children if I was concerned and made sure they were ok. Once the mother came back and I would walked away.
    I understand your approach - there is room for some kindness in the situation. I personally couldn't do the keep and eye and walk away without saying anything approach. Yes it may save the mothers feelings in the short run however it's not going to help anyone in the long run - it's definitely not going to help the kids next time the mother decides to leave them unattended and distressed in a car. Short term embarrassment to the mother by being kindly called out on her actions is (IMO) worth the gain (that she might wake up to herself and stop putting her kids at risk).

  8. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    I understand your approach - there is room for some kindness in the situation. I personally couldn't do the keep and eye and walk away without saying anything approach. Yes it may save the mothers feelings in the short run however it's not going to help anyone in the long run - it's definitely not going to help the kids next time the mother decides to leave them unattended and distressed in a car. Short term embarrassment to the mother by being kindly called out on her actions is (IMO) worth the gain (that she might wake up to herself and stop putting her kids at risk).
    I understand what you're saying, but you're assuming that by saying something so publicly to the mum that it's actually going to work and she will change her behaviour. I think it's also likely that she will feel so terrible and anxious that some one did this to her that it could impact terribly on her and who knows, maybe next time she will just leave them at home to get her coffee. I just dont see how saying something to her is helpful. Kindness goes further.

  9. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4B2L View Post
    If only judging and shaming was not the accepted response. If I saw these children and honestly believed they were distressed and the mother was not watching them just so she could get a coffee I would not judge and certainly under no circumstances would I shame her. My first response would be thinking that here is a mother, like me, who has likely sacrificed many things to be a mother. Who may be stressed, tired, or who knows what. Maybe that coffee is the one thing she truly looks forward to all day before she devotes the next 24 hours to caring for 3 young children. So I would have watched the children if I was concerned and made sure they were ok. Once the mother came back and I would walked away.
    Next time she does it, there may be no one to watch her kids like you would have that first time?

    What if you saw on the news a week later this same mum did the same thing again and something tragic happened to her kids? Would you still put kindness towards a fellow mother over helping to prevent an accident that never should have happened?

  10. #27
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    Default Leaving kids in car for Latte

    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Next time she does it, there may be no one to watch her kids like you would have that first time?

    What if you saw on the news a week later this same mum did the same thing again and something tragic happened to her kids? Would you still put kindness towards a fellow mother over helping to prevent an accident that never should have happened?
    I'm still yet to be convinced that shaming this woman will change her behaviour. In fact it is proven Thant shaming any type of behaviour is unlikely to change that behaviour. So in theory you could say something to her and then see something tragic happen to the kids the next week anyway.
    Last edited by 4B2L; 30-12-2016 at 10:16.

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  12. #28
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    Honestly the tone of the article is sooooo holier-than-thou 'I am the perfect mother and this mum is totally in the wrong'. Yes, I would agree that IF the mum did leave crying, distressed babies and toddlers in a running car for 15 mins while she chatted away in a coffee shop - that's not OK. But my bullsh!t radar is going. I think the author is exaggerating. Just a 'feeling' I have. We have no idea of the ages of the children, I doubt they were distressed (maybe whinging or bickering with each other?) & I doubt it was 15 mins. I have nothing to base this on but the feel I have for the story.

    I remember really clearly a few years ago, mum A who went around bad mouthing mum B to everyone who would listen, because mum A had seen Mum B leave her kids in the car while she went to the shops. Mum A was horrified and disgusted by Mum B's negligence of her children and how could she possibly leave them in such a dangerous situation. Mum A said she waited by the car and told mum B off when mum B returned. Mum A was the hero and mum B was a terrible mother. The thing was, I know mum B at the time - she had a 14 year old, and 6 year old twins. At the shops, she had left the 14 year old in the car with the 6 year old twins. The 14 year old was perfectly capable of looking after the 6 year olds for 10 minutes.

    We have become sooooo overprotective as a society, we cant use common sense anymore. I know someone on my local Fbook mums page who was disgusted that a 14 year old high school kid was being left home without a babysitter while the mum worked. I mean, seriously? I had a job at 14 and was left alone in charge of the store for periods of time, often in the evenings. We can't pay for petrol without feeling like we have to drag our kids out of the car because we cant take 3 steps away without something going wrong.

    So my opinion is - I wont judge until I see the full story.

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  14. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4B2L View Post
    I'm still yet to be convinced that sharing this woman will change her behaviour. In fact it is proven Thant shaming any type of behaviour is unlikely to change that behaviour. So in theory you could say something to her and then see something tragic happen to the kids the next week anyway.
    That's true. But I'm more referring to the gentle word she should have had to the mum when it became apparent the kids were distressed. If the author had gone up to the mum and said look I think your kids are a bit distressed, you might want to check on them.... That could have worked too.

    I suppose I err on the side of safety for the kids before a mum's feelings, and in this case I would have felt better having helped the mum in that situation and her kids and absolutely not have shamed her. But having a polite word isn't shaming. Because it MAY have helped her realise not to do it again, saying nothing would 100% have meant she would do the same again and Id rather not take that risk myself.

    But agree with @Cheeeeeesecake that the article was very much holier than thou and I didn't like the overall tone of it.

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  16. #30
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    Just a fresh thought - I wonder where the author's own children were while she had the luxury of a child-free breakfast with a friend at the cafe? She obviously had the luxury of SOMEone looking after her kids while she enjoyed brekkie and judged the other mum. I can tell you the amount of times I've enjoyed the luxury of a kid free breakfast in the last 6 years - a great big fat zero. It's easy to be a judgemental b!tch when you have a heap of support and someone to look after your kids whenever you want. Not so easy when you have your kids in you care 100%, 24/7, with no child-free time to grab a coffee, ever.

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