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  1. #1
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    Default Coping with miscarriage

    I'm writing out my story of miscarriage mostly for myself as I think it might be somewhat therapeutic to write it all out. I'd also love to hear from people who have come out the other side and have some happy endings to share - I really need to hear that right about now!

    On the 8th of dec, I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. This was a pregnancy that resulted from my second iui with donor sperm. I had lowish hcg levels throughout the pregnancy, but kept being reassured that it was okay. I had what I felt like were low levels of pregnancy symptoms, but they were definitely there. I had a scan at 7w5d (2 days before the miscarriage) and all looked good. Baby was measuring 6 days small, but I was told this is only a matter of a few mm, so it wasn't a big deal. The following day, I started to feel symptoms like I was going to get my period - sore back, some coloured discharge, cramping, but I wrote it all off as pregnancy symptoms. The next day it all intensified, and I started bleeding, so I called my clinic who organised a blood test for the following day, but again I was reassured it all sounded normal. That night, it got worse, with much more pain and bleeding, so I went to then ed. I had a scan there and was told they could not find the heartbeat. I had gone from such elation only 2 days previously and being so excited, to being absolutely heartbroken and devastated.
    I had a natural miscarriage over the next few days, which was incredibly hard emotionally, and also physically fairly terrible.
    I've not really been able to get any answers as to what went wrong, and don't think I ever will. My FS has sent me for a karyotyoe gene test, not expecting to find anything, I think he's doing it more to reassure me.
    I feel like I've passed through the deep stage of grief into anger. I'm really annoyed that this happened. I'm annoyed at my body, for not being able to sustain the pregnancy. I'm annoyed with my clinic for telling me everything was okay, when it wasn't. I'm annoyed at the cost and time wasted to not end up pregnant. I'm annoyed I now have to go through the ttc process again. I'm annoyed I have to go through this at this time of year ( I was going to make my big announcement on Christmas Day). I keep asking myself all sort of 'what if' questions, which I know are not helpful, but I can't really help it.

    My FS had recommended I wait until I've had 2 periods before trying again to allow my body to recover. I actually feel like I might ovulate again over the next few days, so it is fairly amazing how quickly the body can recover (if not the mind). I really hope that my next iui is successful, as I really don't want this prefixes to stretch out for too long. I just want a happy, healthy baby in my arms.

  2. #2
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    Sorry for your loss.
    I hope things are getting easier for you each day and that you have caring support.
    My experience was quite different to yours but the feelings afterward very much the same.
    My pregnancy was a surprise although wanted. Everything seemed normal, I was sick as I usually all, no bleeding. Only I couldn't shake that something might be wrong and that I needed to have a scan to be sure. I waited until 11 weeks to have one just to check and that's when I found out I had a missed miscarriage.
    No reasons, only that the baby stopped growing about 7 weeks and everything looked abnormal (sac etc). I had to have a d and c because my body didn't seem to recognise things weren't right.
    I was sad and angry. Mostly angry for a bit because we hadn't planned it but then we're excited and then had to lose the pregnancy.
    My faith in God was the thing that got me through all the emotions. Even though I am close with family I felt no one understood what I was going through so I turned to forums to find other women who had been there. It's how I came to use bubhub.
    It really helped to understand what I felt was normal and that I wasn't alone. A few months later I became pregnant again by surprise (so strange as I had ttc my previous two children for ages) and it was hard to not be anxious even after the early part passed. But things went well. Now she is 2 years old
    I hope it was just one of those random awful things and that soon you will be carrying your hoped for little one.
    Take your time to grieve it is normal. Good luck

  3. #3
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    So sorry to hear of your loss kel00, miscarriages are hard to go through and unfortunately, because it's often a taboo subject, most women don't realise how common they are, so it's a total shock when it happens. The large majority of mc are from chromosomal issues with the baby, so your body most likely did exactly what it is designed to do, which is terminate a pregnancy where the issues are incompatible with life. This also means that your body will go on to sustain and give life to a beautiful healthy baby in a following pregnancy. I have had several miscarriages myself, and I too was frustrated on my first pregnancy when my clinic continued on with my pregnancy (through progesterone supplementation) when it seemed quite clear from the numbers that the pregnancy was a loss. Because of the progesterone supplementation my first pregnancy lasted until 9 weeks when a second scan showed the baby had not progressed past 5 weeks. My HCG numbers had slowed down dramatically after week 5, so I had known something was seriously wrong, but yet the clinic kept going with it, keeping my hopes up and drawing out an incredibly painful process, until they finally told me to stop the supplementation. My second miscarriage, the numbers were on the low side of normal, but within range. I had several scans up to 10 weeks where a heartbeat was detected, but unfortunately at the 12 week scan we found out the baby had died at 10.5 weeks. Subsequent test results showed the presence of Down's syndrome. After these two, I had about three very early mc/chemical pregnancies around the 4-5 week marks. Anyway, after giving up on being able to have a viable pregnancy, I got the surprise of my life when I got pg during a month we were not trying at all to get pregnant. This pregnancy resulted in my happy, healthy baby boy, now six months old.

    All the emotions you are feeling are normal, but I guess I just want to say, 1)the positive side of all this is, you can get pregnant (which is half the battle) and means you have a good chance of getting that beautiful baby in the future, 2) try and not be angry at your body (easier said than done I know), it's done precisely what it was supposed to do and one day you will be proud of how well it has sustained the life inside you. 3) it does get easier and the pain and anger you currently feel will slowly subside to a point where you can go on. In the meantime, all your feelings are totally normal and you just need time to grieve the loss of the life and baby you have been picturing since you fell pregnant.

    Good luck for the future and I hope you have a rainbow baby in your arms shortly. xxxx

  4. #4
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    Hi @kel00,

    First up, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss

    Your story reminds me a lot of my own, which is why I was inspired to reply. My husband and I did 4 IVF cycles and achieved a pregnancy in October 2015. Unfortunately I had a bleed at 5w3d and my scan revealed an empty sac. Subsequent scans showed the sac beginning to break down but sadly my body did not want to recognise the MC either, so I had a D&C at the end of October 2015, at 8w5d.

    This was such an awful time for me, both physically and emotionally, and if not for the support of SANDS and my friends I'm not sure how I would have coped. Like you, I always envisioned I would be announcing at Christmas, so when Christmas day came I was very upset and angry at the world. Emotionally I doubt I will ever 'get over' my loss. I am slowly learning to live with it but I will never forget my first little one.

    It took a long time for me to be able to move forward with IVF after that, but in due course my hubby and I decided to move on to donor eggs (I'm 42) and we met our donor in March 2016. In October 2016 we cycled, and I fell pregnant on our first fresh transfer. I will be 13 weeks pregnant tomorrow, and much as I had once dreamed of doing, will be announcing at Christmas.

    I just wanted to let you know that you can move past this. You will never forget but there is always hope. I am proof positive that a lot can change in just one short year.

    Wishing you all the best

  5. #5
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    Hi Kel00
    I just wanted to reply to you and thank you for sharing your story. It's heartbreak to suffer this, but as a previous lady mentioned, there is light at the end of it.
    I myself miscarried in March at 11 weeks. I was devastated and had hoped against hope that the low hcg was not as bad as it turned out to be. After the scan showed no hb I went home to miscarry and actually, I really feel that helped me on a very primal level, painful as it was.
    We waited a month to try again and I got pregnant in April! I just want to let you know that this sadness will pass, but be kind to yourself right now and let yourself have all the feelings that come up!
    Take care x

  6. #6
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    Default Coping with miscarriage

    Hi kel00
    I'm so sorry to hear I know how hard it can be my story is a bit different we lost our darling boy at 32 weeks cause unknown everything was great and then one day no heartbeat at all. It is so hard it's only been 4 months but I'm struggling to come to terms with it especially leading up to Christmas I can't help but cry every time I think that this would of been his first Christmas. I am pregnant at the moment it is soon after however I just really felt so empty handed and lost we just want another little Bub so bad and sibling for my toddler and know this would help my healing process. Unfortunately we found out that they can only see a sac nothing in it my ob is about 99% sure I may have a blighted ovum and thinks I will misscarry this week. I am hoping that there is a 1% chance he is wrong and we have a healthy little blessing with a strong heartbeat we find out next week. Life can be so cruel sometimes xxx

  7. #7
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    Thanks so much for all your replies and sharing your stories.
    It is comforting to know that I am not alone, and that other people have gone through the same thing, and although they feel sadness, have gone on to have happy endings.
    I am feeling better about things now that my emotions are not quite so raw, but it is still hard. I think having my hormones return to normal has helped as well, as I'm sure that contributed to my feelings. I think now I am just left feeling disappointed, which is probably a pretty natural place to be after losing something you wanted so desperately. I can now see some of the positives too - I got pregnant relatively easily, which I know is a blessing. I was planning on doing NIPT at 10 weeks, so I am glad I did not have to make any horrible choices. And I'm thankful I have the means to try again.
    Now I just need to play the waiting game till my FS says I can start TTC again.
    @Ams888 I hope you get some good news.

  8. #8
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    Hi @kel00 ... I was looking through here and saw your story, thinking it was familiar. I hope you are feeling okay. I still have bad days, and am very much in the 'should be' frame of mind. I should be organising my maternity leave, I should be buying and setting up cots... Life goes on around me, and it's so unfair. I hope that you can cycle soon. I have just had one AF, and I constantly count days on the calendar, working out when I can start a cycle.

  9. #9
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    Hi kel00

    I have had 2 one was a shock we weren't supposed to be able to get pregnant naturally.

    I remember having a fascination with eating frozen grapes. My husband saying I'm getting a little belly and that I should poas. I kept dismissing it as it's not unusual for one month in the year where I skip a period even when single. Then I woke up one night with massive bleeding it wouldn't stop. I remember passing a blob the size of a tennis ball. I'm horrified to know baby passed through me into the toilet horrified still. I still have photos of me in darling harbour that at the time I had no idea I was pregnant. It was painful looking at them, it's still slightly painful but better. This is 4 yrs later.

    Second mc I prayed for a child I missed my period and did a test at 41yrs old it came up two lines. We were over joyed!!! My prayer worked!! We went to check on hcg every week and they were doubling nicely the GP wanted to know why we wanted weekly hcg. We went for first scan at 7 weeks heartbeat 123. We went for another at 10weeks heartbeat 139.
    We went to Sydney and saw the most kind caring ob. The day my world came crashing down no heartbeat at 12weeks. The Ob was so kind!!! I will never forget him. His thing is to send for a second scan for second opinion. That scan place was horrible and upsetting kept asking me are you sure baby doesn't have a heartbeat.

    That has taken me longer to deal with because it's most recent I had a d&c because I wanted testing this time. My baby girl angel had turners one set of chromosomes. Very few go on to live birth.

    It takes heaps of time and sometimes no matter how much has passed you still come across triggers.

    I did everything right and this other woman was drinking coffee and smoking she has her baby and I don't have mine!!!! Grrrrr.

    I saw her 3 days ago I'm still ****ed!

    So that's my story.

    Gigantic hugs to you!!!

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