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  1. #51
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    I don't think I favor either boy. I definitely find ds2 easier to be around right now, even with the sleep deprivation, he's just a cruisey, happy little guy. Ds1 is almost 3 and just so full on and busy right now. Everything is at 100% with him right now; his humor, his love, his fun, his talking, his arguing, his negotiating, his tantrums. It's exhausting. I often find myself missing the relationship I used to have with him, the one that was like the type of relationship I currently have with ds2. I feel like I'm always arguing or negotiating with him. But then I watch him do something like role play paw patrol or something he's seen me or his dad do, or the way he looks when he's asleep when I check on him in the middle of the night, and I remind myself he is still so little, our relationship is different now but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. I'm sure the time will come when I find ds2 the difficult one.
    @JR03 I was so scared I wouldn't love ds2. I was scared I wouldn't love him because he wasn't a girl and then scared I wouldn't love him because I already loved ds1 SO MUCH, how could I possibly love somebody else that much, especially *another* boy? But I do. It wasn't instant, but it wasn't instant with ds1 either, I kind of go into shock after labor, like I'm surprised there's a baby that I have to take home after all of that. But shortly after I quickly fell in love and now I just think he's fantastic. So sweet and squishy. I love breastfeeding him to sleep and have him sound asleep on my shoulder to burp him. He tries to give kisses now and it melts my heart. Don't worry, somehow you do have enough love.

    As far as my parents. Growing up I thought my mom favored one of my sisters, she always got her way. But I now know my mom has immense guilt about my sister's learning disabilities and she was overcompensating. In a way I think I am the 'favorite' but only in the sense that I am the only one my parents feel they don't have to worry about, they are proud of where my life has led me and I think cherish the fact that they don't feel like they have to worry about my future, whereas with one sister they worry because of choices she's made and the other because of her disabilities and what will happen when they are no longer around.

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  3. #52
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    Not so much a favourite as a "not favourite".

    I love them both equally (I think). But I don't "like" my 3-year-old daughter at the moment. She has been behaving like an absolute little turd for the past few months, to be honest. Every day there are tantrums. (She threw her bowl of watermelon on the kitchen floor the other day because I "put it in the wrong spot", that sort of thing).

    My son (now 6) was never like this.

    Sent from my SM-N910G using The Bub Hub mobile app

  4. #53
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    I was thinking about this thread today quite a lot.

    I'm writing this as a kid not a parent, I'm one of identical triplets, with a small difference, I'm profoundly deaf.

    I always knew my parents saw me as the damaged one, my parents both had a closer relationship with my two brothers than me, though I know I wasn't unloved, I know they did their very best for me and still do to this day even though my two brothers died when I was 11.
    Since the death of my brothers in a way I have become more of a focus to them, though the relationship with them has not changed, I know my father sees me as a reminder of my brothers I look the same but I'm not the same I'm broken goods even though I have achieved a lot more than many guys my age.

    After my brothers died, my parents drew me much closer than I had ever been before they became very protective of me more so than ever before.

    I've tried talking to my parents about it, but they aren't very open to talking about it and while they talk to me about my own experiences with them and my own grief they won't talk about their own, I don't mind the other two were favourites.

    My pont in this isn't a sob story, only to say your kids will know who your favourites are and I think most are okay with that, because they recognise that they are still loved every bit as much even if the relationship is different.

    Forgive me for rambling I've dug into a bottle of Whiskey tonight my dad gave me for my 18th birthday.

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  6. #54
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    You seem like a good guy @Mason98

  7. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mason98 View Post
    My pont in this isn't a sob story, only to say your kids will know who your favourites are and I think most are okay with that, because they recognise that they are still loved every bit as much even if the relationship is different.
    I think in most cases this is true.

    I think kids just accept that is how it is.

    In my family my eldest brother was my mum's favourite (she has admitted it when we were adults). She did not necessarily treat us differently but you could tell.

    I was my dad's favourite growing up. I think that was just because I was a girl and I was the youngest and was the one that looked after him and was easily manipulated.

    The middle brother was ultimately the most independent.

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  9. #56
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    It's not obvious in our family who the favourites are but it's obvious who doesn't matter. My siblings all have money and attention lavished on them and I haven't received a birthday/Christmas present from my mum since I turned 21. It's also following on to my daughter. My mum took my sibs all overseas funds Christmas markets these last few years but like I said, nothing for me.
    I hope not to have a favourite child, I do think experiences at being the ignored child will help me make sure that neither of my children ever feel like there is a favourite.

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    I don't have a favourite. They each have things about them that make them both favourable and difficult.

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  12. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by J37 View Post
    Not so much a favourite as a "not favourite".

    I love them both equally (I think). But I don't "like" my 3-year-old daughter at the moment. She has been behaving like an absolute little turd for the past few months, to be honest. Every day there are tantrums. (She threw her bowl of watermelon on the kitchen floor the other day because I "put it in the wrong spot", that sort of thing).

    My son (now 6) was never like this.

    Sent from my SM-N910G using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Oh that's rough isn't it. Same with my two. The first is mild mannered, easy going, easily disciplined with a look. My second, well, just as you described above. Waiting for it to pass...

  13. #59
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    Default Discuss: Do you have a favourite child?

    I'm really struggling to get my head around all these stories with blatant favouritism. Not the subtle things like getting away with more, but the ones like where everyone gets a gift bar you, funding one siblings wedding but not another.....

    surely there are more factors at play there than just favouritism? Clearly there's a breakdown in the relationship somewhere. It may have started out as favouritism but progressed into something far worse.

    I'm so sorry that many of you have gone through that.

    Another thing about the "favoured" child still staying at home, being looked after..... that's not a good thing to be over-mothered like that- it's actually really damaging. It's actually really sad to be an adult in your 30s still living at home requiring support and no family/partner of your own. Count your blessings your weren't the "favourite" in this case.
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 20-12-2016 at 09:40.

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  15. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    I'm wondering if people have a favourite child.

    Or do you have a child you feel more connected to?

    If so, why? If not, why?

    If you do, do you think it comes out in your parenting and if so, do you try and over compensate with the non-favourite(s) or have to hold back with your favourite?

    Are you a child who had parents who did favour you or a sibling over the other(s)? Was it just as a child or now as an adult too. How did / does that make you feel?

    Do you think birth order and / or gender makes a difference to if there is a favourite?

    Sorry there's so many questions, but I find this topic quite interesting.
    I think I have an 'at the time' favourite rather than an overall favourite. People keep assuming that I favour DD as she is 'mine', but I have known DSD and DSS a lot longer so, to me, that bond is just as strong.
    I find them all equally difficult in different ways.

    Perhaps when DD is older is will be clearer, but for now DSD and DSS are so similar, and DD is so young that there isn't a comparison.

    I was the favoured grandchild and niece, as I was the first-born (of the first-born) on ALL sides. But my sister was the clear favourite- she is the third child but got everything she ever asked for. Never got into trouble despite being a brat. All the lies were taken as fact....Not so much anymore (though she is 18 now).
    I had a frank discussion with my parents when I moved out, just before the youngest (now 9) was born, and they seemed to take it on board.

    I don't think birth order makes a difference. I think it's circumstantial.
    My parents lost a baby just before their third was born (so actually she was fourth), and I think that made them over-compensate.
    Mum lost one before me but she was so young that I don't think it made as much of a difference as she didn't really know what she lost (she had me at 17, after losing one at 16) so it wasn't the same as it was for 3rd/4th.

    My youngest brother has autism and to outsiders he is the favourite, but he just needs more tbh.

    As for gender... again it's circumstantial. My parents prefer girls.
    H's parents prefer boys.

    ETA: After thinking on it a bit more, I don't think it matters if you do have a favourite. What matters is how your kids feel.
    My stepkids' mother very clearly favoured DSD- she is the eldest and was IVF. DSS was a surprise during a rocky time and I think she blamed him for the marraige failing. She babied the hell out of him though, and it is taking a lot of work to get him to where we know he is capable (things like dressing himself, drying himself etc. He's almost 9).
    DSD believes DSS is H's favourite, and DSS believes DSD is H's favourite. I don't believe either are. I think he struggles to connect with both and overcompensates on each at different times, and that is what they remember. DSD is VERY clingy to him and always has been, so to DSS it seems as though she gets all his time. But DSS has the same interests as H (crickets, nrl, etc) so they interact through that and to DSD (who just wants to sit on or stare at H) it seems that H connects with DSS more... but it's just that she doesn't share her interests. She is only really into netball and reading- reading isn't an interactive thing (though H always asks her what she is reading and discusses it) and he has never played or watched netball. H feels that I connect with both kids more as I have worked with them, come from a large family, and that I connect with DSD by being a girl, and with DSS by being a mother. But honestly, I struggle with connecting to them just as much and for the same reasons- DSD is only interested in H, DSS only wants to watch movies or play cricket.
    Last edited by DT75; 20-12-2016 at 11:00.


 

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