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  1. #1
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    Default Need advice

    My sister just had a baby three weeks ago. She also has a 2 year old (3 in February).
    My new niece was in hospital over a week with unusual heart rhythm but she is ok now.

    My sister and new baby are back home, but her partner is not helping at all. He refused to take any paternity leave even just 2 days off or something. He gets home from work and does nothing.

    She is breastfeeding but also formula and when she asks for help from him he just complains and says he works all day and needs to rest.

    He won't do any house work or look after their eldest either.

    Anyway i have offered to come over and feed the baby (bottle obviously ) while she sleeps or do dishes or something. I'm going to see if we could have my nephew stay a night maybe or take him out for a day. Knowing my sister she will probably decline all offers anyway .



    Im worried she will get post natal depression or something as she is doing everything. Im pretty ****ed off at her partner actually!

    Wwyd?

    Also he cheated on her when she was pregnant. Obviously she forgave him which is her choice but she said ever since that happened things havent been the same.

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    This is a tough one because you're a third party which always makes it harder.

    Do you husband and her partner get on? Could he maybe just call to "check in" and make a few comments about how hard those first few months can be, kind of drop some hints about what a normal partner would be doing?

    The other option is getting him to go along to the next child health nurse appointment. My nurse was great at asking my husband questions and directing the comments to both of us. Made is clear it's a real team effort!

    If all else fails, step in and tell him he's being a massive jerk and needs to step up. Having a baby is like being at work, except 24/7. He needs to see that. But in doing that you run the risk of upsetting your sister.

    I wish I could be more help! I'm pretty blunt so if it were me I would just outright tell him he needs to lift his game. But that doesn't work in every family!

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    Im usually a blunt person too and I've been biting my tongue. My partner isnt sure what to do and her partner is hardly home so he won't be able to go to the health nurse with her.
    I said maybe shes should mention this to his mum and she said she did briefly but his mum didnt say much. His mum tends to stay out of problems

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    Was he involved with the eldest child and the housework before the baby was born?

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    Sounds like he has checked out of the relationship following the cheating and she needs to show him the door.

    No advice, helping her with toddler & baby when possible seems like a good idea to ease her load a little right now.

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    SuperGranny  (13-12-2016),Wise Enough  (14-12-2016)

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    yes I agree with Mrsisme. I think he has pretty much given up on the relationship, and he is not likely to lift his game. I would just give as much support to your sister for now, and until she sees the truth of the relationship, nothing will change. good luck, marie.

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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Was he involved with the eldest child and the housework before the baby was born?
    Not really. Well not at first.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperGranny View Post
    yes I agree with Mrsisme. I think he has pretty much given up on the relationship, and he is not likely to lift his game. I would just give as much support to your sister for now, and until she sees the truth of the relationship, nothing will change. good luck, marie.
    She says she doesnt want to break up. Personally i think shes too scared to be a single mum

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    that could well be the case. perhaps you can make some enquiries about the financial support, or the help lines that are there for single mums. ? if she can see that she can manage on her own , she might be more than willing to leave him. You cant force her to do anything, and you don't want to be adding to her stress, just give her as much help as you can. marie.


 

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