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  1. #21
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    My parents used to go really over the top and it stresses me out because we couldn't match it.

    I asked a couple of times if they could just buy one or two presents but the presents just kept coming. Eventually I just said I really appreciate it but I'm putting them away because we don't have room and I'll pull them out next birthday/Christmas so no need to buy for them as we had their stash already.

    Honestly our house was like a toy store! Not to mention both kids are more outdoorsey kids so it was just a waste.

    Could you maybe say you or your DH maybe say you just don't have room and you're also trying to teach the kids the importance of non material things? So maybe they could do 1 present and maybe another couple be a trip out with their grandparents somewhere fun?

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  3. #22
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    Maybe do the whole "Oh MIL. The kids have been really getting into animal conservation lately. They would really love people to sponsor a Panda for Christmas! And they get these adorable little booklet things with it!" Or something to that effect.
    That way she'll still buy stuff, you won't have to store a huge Panda(or whatever), the money isn't wasted on something they'll play with for an hour then forget about, it goes to a worthwhile endeavour and you can guide your MIL in the direction you would like her spending to go on the kids without an argument or being the bad guy in any situations?

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  5. #23
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    My parents are the over generous with the gift buying. For us though, it's about teaching our kids to be happy with what they have, and we don't want that coming unstuck every Christmas and Birthday.
    What I would do this year is tell your MIL that she bought more than Santa, so you're putting the rest away for presents throughout the year, and in future tell her one thing each. Don't give her a list to go overboard with.
    As mine got older I started asking for experiences...then they'd spend their money on that, and there would be less 'stuff.'
    As for the separate grandparents thing...my kids have never had an issue with the over generous grandparents vs the one who doesn't get them much so don't worry about that.
    I have to be firm with my parents every year...and I have had the benefit of insisting that some things stay at their place because I refuse to bring more stuff home. I refuse to have my house over run by toys, and don't want to overload the kids with c.rap just because. I have had arguements with my mum in toy shops because she's wanted to buy something and I have said no way. In my experience you need to keep re-visiting the conversation and stand your ground. I would let her know that you will donate to charities in future if she continues to ignore you. I have told my parents to please shower my kids with love and attention, and not buy their love under the guise of being grandparents. It really took until my kids started saying that they were going to go shopping with my parents so they could have x y and z bought for them to make them realise that it really wasn't okay. They still get spoiled, but it's much more controllable now. I do have to be very clear about what absolutely is not coming to my house, though.

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  7. #24
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    Personally it doesn't bother me. The kids are happy and the grandparents are happy.

  8. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    Maybe do the whole "Oh MIL. The kids have been really getting into animal conservation lately. They would really love people to sponsor a Panda for Christmas! And they get these adorable little booklet things with it!" Or something to that effect.
    That way she'll still buy stuff, you won't have to store a huge Panda(or whatever), the money isn't wasted on something they'll play with for an hour then forget about, it goes to a worthwhile endeavour and you can guide your MIL in the direction you would like her spending to go on the kids without an argument or being the bad guy in any situations?
    I have thought of this but because they are only 6 months and almost 3 it is obviously me saying they 'want' the money to go to charity so I don't think it would work. Or she would do it but also buy them toys, definitely keeping it in mind for when they are older though.

  9. #26
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    I've thought of a good example of why I feel like the gifts need to start being toned down and DS learning that 'they don't grow on trees.'

    A couple months ago we bought ds1 a balance bike. The first time we took it out to ride in the park he immediately saw another little boy riding his and dinging his bike bell as he went along. The trip out quickly turned into him just whinging that he wanted a bell for his bike and not just enjoying that he had one to ride. I get that part of this is his age and being too little to understand waiting for things, why he can't have something, etc. but at the same time I feel like we are getting to the age where we have to be careful regarding 'spoiling' him so that he doesn't turn into a regular brat when he is told no or can't have something or something he has is different from somebody else's etc. Reactions like the one with the bike bell are happening more often and I would like to nip it in the bud and work on him learning to be grateful for what he does receive.

    I just feel strongly that one present each from her is plenty, they don't need heaps. I'm not worried about the cost of that one present, ds1 would love £10 paw Patrol pjs just as much as a £100 train track. It's just the absolute excess that bothers me.

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  11. #27
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    Holly I feel you! This became ridiculous with my MIL. Last year MIL bought so much for DS while we were in Aus that she bought us an extra suitcase and paid the excess baggage for us to bring it all back to London - I was furious and DH just said "if thats what they want to do let them..". I just don't want too much 'stuff' and I don't want DS to be ungrateful.
    This year I got the email and sent back strategic 'suggestions' (knowing she will buy all of it). Three things (1 toy, 1 DVD and 1 book) from amazon and then some clothes (patagonia coat / hunter winter boots) that we would have bought DS anyway (I won't wrap the clothes or give them to DS like a 'gift' but it gives her the feeling of having bought "enough").
    Every year she sends a box of bonds goodies (singlets for DS/socks/undies for all of us and maternity stuff for me this year) - that is useful and appreciated very much!
    I have my parents credit card on amazon and ordered DS small scooby doo characters which he wanted and new pillows for all of us.

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  13. #28
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    With all the things in the world bothering me I would let this one be. My idea of Christmas isn't always the same as someone else's - even though my way is right (of course!) it is not the only way.

    There are worse things a grandmother can do than but a kid too many gifts at Chrissie (such as looking after your kids 2 nights every week so you can relax with hubby).

  14. #29
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    It's so annoying!! My mum has just done similar for my nephew.

    My sister took mum to the shops and suggested a heap of stuff and they wrote a list that was for everyone to use ie nephews parents, grandparents and us.

    Mum went and got every single thing on the list apart from undies!!! 10+ toys!!!! My sister is so upset mostly because he is only 3 and will be totally overwhelmed with that many toys.

    So I'm getting my nephew undies and ??? All because our mum had to steal the limelight.

    Mum also asked what we want for our bub - she got super offended when I said nothing!! I'm only 9 weeks and given our history I won't be buying anything until much much later.

    Anyway rant over, I have no idea what the solution is but you aren't alone!!!

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  16. #30
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    My Inlaws buy the kids and us lots of things both for Christmas and what feels like through the year. We live away from them and just the other week with MIL visited us with a huge box of groceries and I told her that she really didn't have to do that, she said that she does it because if we lived closer she'd see us for lunch or coffee etc etc so whilst it feels like a lot of stuff it's just a few bulk sessions of giving that would normally happen spread out over the year if we lived around the corner.

    The kids are their only Grandkids from their own four children ( and the eldest isn't even theirs by blood but you'd never guess) so they probably do a little more extra than what would normally happen. It bothered me to start with but then I realised that I was just being a little silly myself. They respect most parts of my parenting style and ideals for my family. This Christmas the kids are getting a pool from them, and whilst I sent a picture of what we wanted they went up a few models, it's just them, and I know the kids will love their gifts so much, making it extra special because they don't see them often. No doubt their car will be full of stuff this year because we are actually seeing them at Christmas this year as they are travelling to see us

    My nana used to send me home with a suitcase of 'crappy' gifts when I was younger. And I loved every single one of them


 

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