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  1. #11
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    As it's your MIL I'd be getting your DH to have a strongly worded conversation with her. My DH does this really well with my mum actually. He will say you know we love that you love DD so much and want to get her things but she has so much stuff and she doesn't need anything so you need to stop buying for her. It's an ongoing battle though.
    I would put some of the gifts aside. Tell MIL that you appreciate them but you don't want them getting 'lost' and forgotten in the midst of all the other presents and that you'll have them aside for later when they can really appreciate them more.
    We've spoken to my mum numerous times about not buying stuff for DD. We have to keep at her about it as otherwise she just does it even though she knows we don't want her to. DH is pretty peeved at the moment and going to ask her for receipts for stuff she's bought and take it back
    This might seem harsh BUT she does not listen and has wasted so much money on things that never get used because she refuses to buy DDs size. Since she was born (17 months now) my mum would have spent at least $300 on clothes for her and out of all that DD has probably worn 5-6 things because she never buys anything that fits and then by the time it does fit it's the wrong time of year (think winter coats or thick pjs finally fitting in summer= useless). The other day she bought her clothes in size 3! She is in size 1 FFS. And when I said it won't fit her for ages and probably be the wrong time of year when it does fit she tells ME not to be ridiculous and she'll grow into it quick. She honestly thinks DD grows out of clothes in a month or something (she did this when I was a kid and had me in size 16 school uniforms when I was a size 8 as a teenager. I never 'grew into' the size 16 ).
    It is so wasteful as I end up having to give the stuff to charity completely unworn and I've told her so many times and she doesn't listen she also does not have the money to waste, I just wish she would buy 1 nice thing instead of all the stuff she buys.
    For gifts at birthday/Xmas I usually let her know a couple of things we'd really like DD to have and try to get her to limit it to that. But I know she has bought a few extra things, which probably won't fit or be age appropriate so get shoved in a cupboard it's an ongoing battle here. Mum still goes crazy but it's less than it would be if we weren't constantly asking her not to.
    DH set up a bank account for DD a year ago and gave the details to my mum and said why don't you pop a few $ in her bank account when you want to do something nice for her. My mum does this which is good, makes her feel like she is giving DD something regularly I think. We are going to give DD the money when she's 18. Would your MIL be open to something like that instead of the physical gifts?

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by monnie24 View Post
    I'm not too fussed about Xmas etc the whole 'I have to buy it'

    So I tell them what we would like and then I get something small
    It's not about who buys what. It's just about them getting too much and the message it is sending.

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  5. #13
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    I find getting really excited and then saying (with just as much excitement) "The kids will love playing with them when they come to visit you!" To work.
    Stays at the grand parents place and you don't have to look at/store it at yours.

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  7. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    As it's your MIL I'd be getting your DH to have a strongly worded conversation with her. My DH does this really well with my mum actually. He will say you know we love that you love DD so much and want to get her things but she has so much stuff and she doesn't need anything so you need to stop buying for her. It's an ongoing battle though.
    I would put some of the gifts aside. Tell MIL that you appreciate them but you don't want them getting 'lost' and forgotten in the midst of all the other presents and that you'll have them aside for later when they can really appreciate them more.
    We've spoken to my mum numerous times about not buying stuff for DD. We have to keep at her about it as otherwise she just does it even though she knows we don't want her to. DH is pretty peeved at the moment and going to ask her for receipts for stuff she's bought and take it back
    This might seem harsh BUT she does not listen and has wasted so much money on things that never get used because she refuses to buy DDs size. Since she was born (17 months now) my mum would have spent at least $300 on clothes for her and out of all that DD has probably worn 5-6 things because she never buys anything that fits and then by the time it does fit it's the wrong time of year (think winter coats or thick pjs finally fitting in summer= useless). The other day she bought her clothes in size 3! She is in size 1 FFS. And when I said it won't fit her for ages and probably be the wrong time of year when it does fit she tells ME not to be ridiculous and she'll grow into it quick. She honestly thinks DD grows out of clothes in a month or something (she did this when I was a kid and had me in size 16 school uniforms when I was a size 8 as a teenager. I never 'grew into' the size 16 ).
    It is so wasteful as I end up having to give the stuff to charity completely unworn and I've told her so many times and she doesn't listen she also does not have the money to waste, I just wish she would buy 1 nice thing instead of all the stuff she buys.
    For gifts at birthday/Xmas I usually let her know a couple of things we'd really like DD to have and try to get her to limit it to that. But I know she has bought a few extra things, which probably won't fit or be age appropriate so get shoved in a cupboard it's an ongoing battle here. Mum still goes crazy but it's less than it would be if we weren't constantly asking her not to.
    DH set up a bank account for DD a year ago and gave the details to my mum and said why don't you pop a few $ in her bank account when you want to do something nice for her. My mum does this which is good, makes her feel like she is giving DD something regularly I think. We are going to give DD the money when she's 18. Would your MIL be open to something like that instead of the physical gifts?

    So frustrating!

    The boys already have a bank account each that she puts money into...

    I do think DH should talk to her but I know he'll do it in a half-assed, too nice way and I'll just end up being the bad guy again. Your post just made me realize that I still have a few things in the cupboard that I haven't given him from when she visited in August!!

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  9. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    I find getting really excited and then saying (with just as much excitement) "The kids will love playing with them when they come to visit you!" To work.
    Stays at the grand parents place and you don't have to look at/store it at yours.
    We're in London currently so she buys off Amazon and has it delivered to us

  10. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by gingermillie View Post
    The other day she bought her clothes in size 3! She is in size 1 FFS. And when I said it won't fit her for ages and probably be the wrong time of year when it does fit she tells ME not to be ridiculous and she'll grow into it quick. She honestly thinks DD grows out of clothes in a month or something (she did this when I was a kid and had me in size 16 school uniforms when I was a size 8 as a teenager. I never 'grew into' the size 16 ).
    Oh I hear you! Nan does that here too but fortunately it's cheap opp shop stuff. It got to the point where I said we didn't have enough room to store it at our place, can she keep it at hers and we'll get it off her when we need it. Fortunately she's improved heaps and mostly just gets books now.

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  12. #17
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    My inlaws are the worst for this. My (and DH's) protests have been ignored since day dot. Our kids are 10 and 7 now. I gave up years ago. It was just causing me so much stress - not worth it.

    I know that sounds defeatist but it got to a point where I was so upset but no one else was (ie: them). I realised I was better just to roll with it. By then our kids were probably 5 and 2 ish. They came to learn that it was 'just what Grandma did' (DS's words). They got blase about it all and I was glad!! She did herself a disservice by constantly showering them with rubbish, as they stopped being excited by gifts from her. Quite interesting actually.

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    I would accept and give the gifts this year and say to her for next year that instead of buying the kids presents throughout the year, put the money aside and use it to come and visit us next Christmas (if you're happy to have her visit). Go down the path of the kids would much rather spend time with you in person then receive gifts.

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  16. #19
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    She's excited. It's her way of showing love. I know it's not your way of showing love, but it's still love regardless.

    I've been an over the top aunt. It evens out as they get older and harder to buy for.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    She's excited. It's her way of showing love. I know it's not your way of showing love, but it's still love regardless.

    I've been an over the top aunt. It evens out as they get older and harder to buy for.
    I think it's more that she feels she has to spend the same amount on our children as she has on her other grandchildren.

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