ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 20
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    4,160
    Thanks
    4,807
    Thanked
    4,022
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Help with sensitive conversation.

    I think I need to have a chat with DH regarding his health, he has gained a significant amount of weight this year and his fitness level has reduced a lot. He already has health issues relating to his weight.

    He was already overweight so now very large and things like walking up a flight of stairs have him puffed and sweating.

    I'm overweight and while not very fit can go about all my daily activities without issue as well as light exercise.

    His clothes are all to tight, bulging buttons on shirts and he looks very uncomfortable - I've gently offered to go shopping for new clothes which he has declined but I think I'll just have to do it.

    DH is a doctor he is intelligent and understands this stuff but it seems he's oblivious or just unable to face it.

    I'm genuinely worried about his health, our ability to have a good life and soon his ability to play with and enjoy his kids.

    To date, I've encouraged active things to do together ie a bush walk then picnic, swimming, hiring a tennis court for a bit of fun, him walking to and from work(about 1km) he will occasionally agree to these but rarely.

    I try to cook healthy meals but he buys lunch daily and often breakfast or at least coffee before work.


    So how on earth do I have this conversation with him without it turning bad? DH is sensitive and will take offence quickly. I'm scared it will result in him getting angry and defensive rather than letting me help.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    13,022
    Thanks
    8,739
    Thanked
    8,363
    Reviews
    13
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 29/5/15Busiest Member of the WeekBusiest Member of the Week100 Posts in a week
    I have no idea Hun. Can you start packing him lunch?

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Mamasupial For This Useful Post:

    Mum-I-Am  (11-12-2016)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    111
    Thanks
    36
    Thanked
    51
    Reviews
    0
    I would just tell him the truth that you are scared about what will happen to him if he doesn't start taking his health seriously. The truth sucks buy sometimes it just needs to be said no matter how hard it is. Also as you are both over weight it is a good opportunity to work together to improve your health together if you know what I mean maybe tell him also that you really need his support to help yourself loose weight and get healthier which means you would like him to come with you when exercising etc Goodluck it isn't easy but support can really help and motivate my husband is over weight to obese he swings up and down so I know how hard a conversation it can be

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to flowers21 For This Useful Post:

    Mum-I-Am  (11-12-2016)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Posts
    264
    Thanks
    135
    Thanked
    134
    Reviews
    0
    This is a very tough situation to be in, I know exactly how you feel as I've been there. Obviously we love our DH's no matter their size but we want them to be healthy and enjoy their lives.

    It was a LONG process with mine. But at the end of the day, he had to deal with, or at least start to deal with, his mental & emotional issues that were causing him to overeat in the first place. We're still not all the way there - beer was a big one for him and he's managed to pretty much give that the flick, however he's now drinking way too much Coke in its place :/ But he's aware of it, he's come a long way and will continue to take small steps.

    Do you cook all meals at home? It's a pain but I make sure DP eats breakfast before he leaves for work, and I plan/cook all our dinners. I make his lunch and send it with him including lots of snacks so he never feels deprived.

    More than sitting down and having a big conversation with him, it was more little comments over time that got him on board - things like, "Wow, that salad was so filling. We should start having that with dinner more often instead of chips, much healthier." Or, "you slept really well last night hun, you must feel good. Must have been all the walking we did!"

    There were definitely moments though where I had to let him know how him not looking after himself affected us, and worried me.

    I really hope your DH changes his habits, he's lucky to have you

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to frankie46 For This Useful Post:

    Mum-I-Am  (11-12-2016)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    1,011
    Thanks
    926
    Thanked
    419
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Could you propose a joint diet plan?

    Ask him to diet/ exercise with you for support. Imply that he'll be doing you a huge favour if you both re-evaluate your diet and start exercising.

  9. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to yadot For This Useful Post:

    Mum-I-Am  (11-12-2016),SSecret Squirrel  (11-12-2016)

  10. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    1,887
    Thanks
    2,601
    Thanked
    2,490
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Totally agree with @flowers21
    I would make it a "I'm worried about OUR health and the way it might start to impact our life, including playing with the kids. Can we please come up with a plan to tackle this together" conversation instead of putting the focus on him. Ask for his help, even if you're overstating your need to get in shape if you know what I mean?

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to HillDweller For This Useful Post:

    Mum-I-Am  (11-12-2016)

  12. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    2,068
    Thanks
    737
    Thanked
    729
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I agree go for a joint approach. Both in together for some lifestyle changes. one thing that worked for me was hiring a treadmill. It sounds weird but i loved it much more than going for walks or jogs. A 15 min treadmill session starting with slow walk and building up to a jog over the weeks was awesome and 15 min in the privacy of your own home wasnt too big a goal. All the best. Its a tough conversation to have. I didn't have to have the conversation with my bh but with myself. My dh supported me by doing the treadmill too.

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to littleriv For This Useful Post:

    Mum-I-Am  (11-12-2016)

  14. #8
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    4,160
    Thanks
    4,807
    Thanked
    4,022
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Thanks ladies, I'm currently pregnant. I drop weight like crazy in pregnancy 6kg already and I'm only 9 weeks. Last time I lost 20kg in 24 weeks. I'm also pretty tired so the joint exercise idea might not work at the moment.

    I will work a bit harder on the lunches. I cook 4-5 dinners a week, I often work evenings so DH often has fish and chips.

    I like the idea of the little comments and I might also say something like "I'm worried we/you won't be able to keep up with bub once they are born"

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to Mum-I-Am For This Useful Post:

    littleriv  (11-12-2016)

  16. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    2,068
    Thanks
    737
    Thanked
    729
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Sorry mummymaybe i didnt realise you were pregnant xx treadmill probably wasn't a great suggestion for right now : )

  17. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    4,160
    Thanks
    4,807
    Thanked
    4,022
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by littleriv View Post
    Sorry mummymaybe i didnt realise you were pregnant xx treadmill probably wasn't a great suggestion for right now : )
    All good. Maybe I should just get him pregnant, works a treat for me!!!


 

Similar Threads

  1. A Sensitive subject
    By ProudMumma34 in forum General Chat
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 11-03-2016, 13:33
  2. Am I being overly sensitive??
    By CleverClogs in forum General Chat
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 11-02-2016, 09:44
  3. Handling a sensitive DSS
    By Summer in forum Step-parents / Blended families
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 18-01-2016, 23:22

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

FEATURED SUPPORTER
Melbourne Natural Medicine ClinicLeading natural health practitioners in fertility, preconception, pregnancy, and children's health. We take an ...
FORUMS - chatting now ...
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›

ADVERTISEMENT