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  1. #121
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    Your son is throwing tantrum. I can't believe how young they start on tantrum. My daughter throws tantrum too but i reckon boys are stronger so their actions can be more dramatic.

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    @Minib yes he's frustrated and angry and I'm sure testosterone makes tantrums in boys much worse. I also think he's tired. He's on one nap a day now and he used to do 2-3hrs but recently it's only been 1.5 hrs. Which isn't long enough so he's much worse when tired. But if I try to put him down earlier for 2 naps he ends up not wanting the second nap which means he's up for a long long time after his morning nap and get super grumpy but still won't nap. I might try again this weekend. He was so tired today he started losing his mind when it was 6pm. Started hitting and pinching and in the end I had to put him to bed without his bottle.

    I read online that children who are more sensitive experience stronger tantrum.they make it harder to parent but apparently if done right it means that those strong emotions can be a real benefit when they're older if channeled right. Here's hoping! I guess I just need to continue to be patient and maintain a stable and secure environment.

    Oh yay 5 weeks!! Do you have a scan at 7 weeks?

  3. #123
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    Oh tired makes everything worse. They can't tell us and just refuse to even cooperate. Will he stretch his one nap to longer?

    DD was at childcare yesterday. Only slept for 55 mins. By 6 pm she was grumpy and crying. I had to rush the bath, bottle, and no book!

    I am sure that's correct. When they are more sensitive, it means their emotion can heighten when upset. If you continue to be calm, hopefully it will also calm him down. It's easier said than done though. I'm sure it can get harder with terrible twos etc. but I don't know if being hard on them also help as they don't necessarily understand what they've done wrong yet?

    Parenting is hard work isn't it. No right or wrong. Just because being calm works on one child doesn't mean it can work as well on another. I often wonder nature v nurture thing. I don't have an answer to it. I think my dd's temper is nature not nurture. Feisty little thing lol.

    Yeah around 7.5 weeks. On 11th April. I was going to do it around 6.5 weeks but ultrasound lady said after 7 weeks is better for the heartbeat.

  4. #124
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    @Minib aw she would be really tired. Hopefully she starts napping longer at cc. It's so hard dealing with a tired baby and you're so tired by the end of the day too so it's so hard to not only keep calm but takes a huge effort to be kind and encouraging. Sometimes I just sit there and stare at ds when he's having a melt down. It's all I can handle for that moment in time. Then I gather myself and pick him up and walk around and try to comfort him. I'm just thinking if I don't lose it that's a win. Cos yeh that certainly doesn't help the situation. I read online that if they are having a tantrum by manipulating you into allowing them to do something they're not allowed to do a firm response is best. I can't let you touch that or you are not allowed to press that. And no darling or gorgeous because it's condescending. Just firmly what they can't do and if possible what they can do. But if it's tantrum due to frustration that they are trying to do something but don't have the skills to do it yet to assist them and be there for them.anyways yeh parenting is hard!! Ds is a feisty one too but he's also very gentle and caring when he wants to be like with the baby.

    Oh yeh nurse said that to me too. Best to hold out because if you do earlier the results may be inconclusive and you'll be more stressed out. Everything will be fine tho I know it!

  5. #125
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    Sorry @Minib and @Gelati. I have been going through hell with the new mirco-managing boss. It has gotten to the point of bullying. I couldn't believe what he said in the email -- a total insult just because i refused to do what he wanted me to do. I didn't want to reply his email over the weekend because i am sure that the following reply would ruin my weekend. It had ruined my sleep when i got it on friday night.
    @Minib: so excited for you!!!!! If it were a gal, perhaps have #3 for a boy. Then, you both win hahah.
    @Gelati: DS has started his tantrum many months ago!! Daycare has bad influence on him on this. He learned that from other kids. We did time out with dS since he was very young. He didn't understand it at the time but he is getting it now. He is certainly not a chill kid. I reckon your DS is similar to mine. Also, tantrum seems to intensify during teething! My DS lost it for nearly 30 mins the other day when i took him out of the swing at the playground. After he calmed down in his cot (for time out), i walked in there, talked to him and he listened it quietly to my surprise. I didn't know if he understood any but he was listening. I also avoid saying no to him all the time. I read that if you say no all the time, they will say no back to you. I try to tell him a reason -- not that he cares most of the time!!! I guess it takes a lot of patience. Yes, it is a very difficult phase.

  6. #126
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    Oh @bbhope so sorry to hear your work issues have gotten worse. Could you discuss the matter with HR and see if they can offer any help? Hope you are feeling better now.

    I always thought tantrum is part of them growing up regardless of childcare or not. Kids that don't go to cc also know how to throw tantrum?

    I think the phases will get worse when they are two! The terrible twos. Eeks!
    @Gelati I do that too. Sometimes I walk away to get a glass of water so I can regroup.

    Apparently Janet Lansbury's book called no bad kids is really good. I'm going to call my local library and see if they have a copy.

    It's hard to know how tough I need to be. My dh is also someone that would always prefer to reason instead of be directive unless it's in dangerous situation.

    My first scan is on next Thursday 6 April now. Got the letter from my specialist that he wants t done between 6 weeks 2 days to 6 weeks 5 days. So I'm holding out until 6 weeks 5 days. 9 more nights!

  7. #127
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    @Minib: HR can't do anything. It is the head of the division who can be the peacemaker. I couldn't take it anymore and basically just told the boss/manager off in the email. It has ruined our working relationship but whatever. He got the hint and didn't step into my office for checking on every little step today. Anyway........will drop you a short PM.

    Yeah...we will counting down the days with you!!! Oh...a friend of mine asked me about having #2 and i just decided to tell her about IVF. Perhaps that would put people off asking? I'm not ashamed of it but i feel the pressure of being asked all the time. It is not like we could just get pregnant anytime without proper planning if you know what i mean.

    Yes, tantrum is a phase. All toddlers go through that. What i meant is that they learn more "tricks" from other kids when they throw the tantrum! DS always comes home with a new "trick" every week.

    My friend also just mentioned about Janet Lansburry the other day! I haven't checked out her website, though. Oh........still no single meaningful word from DS just yet. He is so confused about all the languages.

  8. #128
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    @bbhope HR can help if you feel bullied. That's their job. But if it's more operational matter it's best to sort it out with your boss directly. Sometimes you have to be firm so people don't step all over you. Good on you for doing that! It doesn't have to ruin your entire working relationship. Hopefully things get better now.

    People will always ask about #2 once you have one. People will ask about #3 once you have 2. Can't win! There's nothing to be ashamed of about ivf. I have told some friends that my dd is an ivf baby. By sharing it I also found out a lot of my friends struggle to conceive. People don't share enough and can feel so lonely in the whole conceiving process.

    Ah I see. Yes tricks! They learn so much at cc. All the good and the bad. A lot! Lol.

    Check out the book. Let us know what you think Of it. I'll call my library today.

    My dd started saying a few words. She speaks more Chinese than English. It's quite cute. A halfie baby and keep speaking Chinese.

  9. #129
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    @bbhope sorry to hear you're having a hard time at work. I'm glad you told them off sometimes we just need to push back and say no, this is not ok. Hope they back off. It's hard to be a good manager too tho. I rely only team to tell me if something isn't working for them. Vice versa. I try to be as open as I can with my team. I hate micro managing but will do it if forced and I will explain to them why I'm doing it. I make my expectations clear and if they can't meet them I expect to be told at the beginning rather than when it's too late for anything to be done. I recommend additional training etc if I feel that person needs it and do at least quarterly check ins. In those meetings I don't only praise but I am clear as to what they need to work on. I'm frank and don't say only good things and then get angry behind their backs. Is this a set up you could try with your boss? Have regular catch ups and be open about what is and isn't working from both sides?

    Oh sounds like your ds has worse tantrums. Mine wouldn't have one at a park cos he's so happy there and never have had a problem so far with leaving the park. Not yet! Ds is the hardest to deal with when he's tired and first thing in the morning when he's hungry. He's also worse after grandparents because they give in to him most of the time so he's not used to having many limits. But I do think most of the time it's tired. Which is hard cos sometimes he just doesn't nap properly. Yes he learns bad habits from childcare too but they said he's really well behaved there? No hiitting or pinching? I'll ask them again.

    I've also heard the word no isn't good so I try not to use it if I can but it's so hard. For example if he's driving his car up and down the coffee table I'll say, why don't you do that on the floor so you don't scratch the table. If he does it I give him the biggest praise but sometimes I need to take the car and put it on the floor but if he doesn't throw a tantrum and continues playing on the floor I give him big praise too. Take soo much energy tho.

    @Minib - oh exciting!! Is there a reason he wants it on those specific dates?

    Aww that's so cute she speaks mainly Chinese! Does she look more western or more Asian? Mixed babies are so cute!

    Oh I'll look into that book but I do agree that kids aren't bad. Probably a few that may be due to health issues like autism or nassicistic kids? But even those I'm not sure if it's nurture or nature.

    @bbhope another book I heard that is really good is 'raising boys'

  10. #130
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    @Gelati I'm not sure. I think it's to check viability in case it's ectopic so they don't want to prolong things if it doesn't look good.

    My dd looks more western. So it's pretty cute for a western looking child to say lots of Chinese words. My parents especially are extremely proud lol.


 

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