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  1. #1
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    Default I don't mind housework during the day...

    When he's at work. I don't like it but I accept it's part of the deal for me to be home with kids. But I think being their mum / primary caregiver is my main role the other mundane ****e is just something I put up with. But I really do object to that spilling over into evenings and weekends. It's like because I do most of the housework- all the laundry/ shopping etc when he's not here that means it's my job?!? Nope that is BS! What I really hate is coming out of toddlers room after getting her to sleep and the extra dishes that happen after I've already cleaned up are lying around and he's watching tv. Or at weekends after dinner and he puts away his dish and wanders off... it's like he cleans up like we are at someone else's house. You know that put a few things in the dishwasher but no cleaning down counters or sweeping up etc... but if I don't finish it all off it'll still be there in the morning and he'll just shuffle off to work.
    Am I wrong? Does anyone see this differently?

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  3. #2
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    I think a lot of people will see it differently but that doesn't mean you're wrong in how you feel. What works for some won't work for others. Is your issue really with dishes & messy counters or is it something deeper?

    When I was less satisfied with my life these things used to bother me a lot. I was in a job that wasn't right for me, I wasn't getting enough hours and I was home a LOT. Since finding a job I was happy with, working more hours & having a better balance in my life these things haven't bothered me so much. DP works two jobs and travels a lot. I'm home with DD much more so I take care of the housework. If he ever gets lazy & leaves too much crap around everywhere (which he does) I'll remind him of how important it is to me to keep a clean home. That him leaving dirty socks on the couch or dirty dishes in the study makes me feel like he has no regard for how hard I work to keep things together at home - I know he works really hard but I do too. And he normally gets his s*** together a bit

  4. #3
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    I understand how you feel. If you see a mess, clean it up. Don't jist leave it there and expect you to do it all. Similarly, don't make more mess and just leave it. My DH is apparently incapable of wiping down the benches or a mirror, or putting empty packets or boxes in the bin. Or putting his washing in the basket.
    He keeps saying to just ask for help, and I keep saying I shouldn't have to ask, it's his home as well, and if one of us is doing something we both should be doing it so we can both relax together. But I can't stand having a mess there. It makes me anxious.
    Having said that, there are a lot of things that I can't do at the moment because I am pregnant and it's just too hot for me to manage to do the washing outside, and my wrists are so bad I can't do the vacuuming with the proper vacuum.
    But, I still clean the house for at least 2 hours every morning (including running over with the cordless stick dyson), I plan, prep and cook almost all meals, I do all the washing and cleaning for DS, and I am constantly picking up after DS. I clean the bathrooms weekly, though can't manage the shower - I've been asking DH to do it for 3 weeks.

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    My husband works full time outside of the home, and I work casually (mostly from home) so I tend to do most of the housework by default.

    However....

    On weekends, all bets are off and we do the housework 50/50. My husband will happily vaccuum, take out the bins, clean the shower or oven etc - IF I ask him!

    I'm sure that if I never said anything he would be less helpful about lending a hand - and that's the issue. You need to talk to your partner and let him know you're not happy about things as they are. Communication is key. I think most men are pretty keen to help out and feel like they're solving problems but often they just don't see what needs to be done

  6. #5
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    When I was a SAHM I saw the housework as my 'job.' At the end of the day I had happy kids (hopefully!) and a clean house to show for a 'day's work.' I asked DH to be respectful of that...it was mundane, it was boring, but it was my work and I took pride in keeping a clean home, but I did not want to clean up after another adult. It took explaining it like that to DH to make him understand, and I now understand why he didn't care as much, because now I'm working the housework feels insignificant and we both just work together and get things done...but as a SAHM him coming home and messing up my 'work' felt really disrespectful.
    I alsp asked for help with day to day stuff on weekends...so I could feel like I was having a break, as no one works 7 days a week for years on end with no breaks.

  7. #6
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    Freya I hear you...

    I keep a very tidy house...hubby travels a lot ..but having a 5 year old and a part time job. ..am constantly tidying up. ..

    I cook and tidy as I go..he doesn't ..it was so bad at one stage I asked him not to cook as I hate cleaning up after people.

    I would ask if he could help by tidying after himself. Also mess at diner table or at least use a table cloth..we have 10 of then...both are are too hard .

    When I get fed up I tell him I feel like a cleaner...but not getting paid
    .
    A good thing to negotiate is to say you will do more during the week etc cook laundry clean.

    I try not to do any house work on weekends

    If he and my 5 year old make a mess...I leave it...I don't tidy I just go chill out.
    .after 2 days the place looks like a bomb hit it and I say don't care it's 7pm and am going to bed you 2 have fun.

    They see the mess and clean it up...as I refuse to do it .give it a try...weekends work well.
    Last edited by Butterfly Baby; 09-12-2016 at 22:43.

  8. #7
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    Let me know how you get on.
    Last edited by Butterfly Baby; 09-12-2016 at 22:42.

  9. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blossom74 View Post
    On weekends, all bets are off and we do the housework 50/50. My husband will happily vaccuum, take out the bins, clean the shower or oven etc - IF I ask him!
    This is how it works at my house (mostly). I have to ask/discuss what needs to be done and when.

    During the week if I cook I ask him to clean up afterwards and he will do it.

    I do have to ask every time.

    I son't necessarily think it's lazy - he just does not prioritise it.

    Will he do it when/if you ask OP?

  10. #9
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    Not OK
    My DH isn't messy - will put dishes in sink/clothes in hamper etc although he doesn't clean (I have never seen him sweep or wipe down counters etc.) or do laundry. ALTHOUGH - He has absolutely no problem with me having a cleaner come once or twice (every few weeks if things are hectic) a week and taking laundry to the dry cleaners if its getting out of control - he also never comments if the house is a dump or if its sparkling - I honestly don't think it bothers him at all.
    You need to come up with something that works and that you are both happy with. What does he say when you talk about it?

  11. #10
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    In my place my husband my husband will do the dishes if I'm busy with kids or folding laundry, or clearly just to give me a break.

    He will help me hang laundry and take off if his not busy (mostly I do it)

    Cleaning of the house I do.... it's hard with toddlers as your cleaning/tidying one room, but if i continue to tidy up they see and copy.

    All outside work is his job. If I can do something I'm happy.

    Work out a routine that works for YOU.

    I have my days where I do certain things and focus on those.

    We are a team no point in arguing about it as no one will win.

    But generally he cleans up after himself, so I don't have to clean up after him.


 

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