So dp and I are not getting on at all. They say the first year of a babies life is the hardest. DS2 is 5 months this week. DS1 is 9.5 (diff dad). We have been together for nearly 7 yrs and had major trouble conceiving.
Well the past couple of months have been hell. I've been keeping a private journal (written) at home about what has been going on.
He contributes nothing financially except $150 a week towards bills. As he puts it it's my (as in me) house so it's your problem to pay for everything and I mean everything. He hasn't contributed 1cent to DS2 medical bills since he was born nor does he pay for any of his health insurance or cell care payments.
We had a deal that when I was off work for the agreed amount of time (1 year) that he would contribute substantially more then what he currently was. I'm still on paid leave for another 6 wks then I'll have no income except for a small amount of family tax benefit.
A nail in the coffin was last night. We had a joint FB and he has locked me out of it now and changed the password and taken my name off it and it only his. He has also changed the email account password so I'm unable to reset via there.
He comes home from work and constantly says that all I do as a mum is sit on my **** and watch tv which is far from the truth. I don't watch much tv at all anymore apart from the news. The house and yard are massive and I spend a lot of time cleaning up inside and major works in the garden aswell.
He shows very little interest in DS1 and now DS2. Doesn't feed him dinner at night rarely does a nappy, his idea of playing with him is putting him in his rocker chair while he surfs the internet watching you tube videos.
He pretends to his mates that he's a great dad when some of the wives have picked up that in fact he's a lazy pig who only cares about himself and no one else.
Apparently I'm just a dirty pig w@@@@ c@@@. Yes they are the names he has used on me and that I'm useless.
So I'm not feeling the best about life at all.
I've actually asked him to pack his bags and leave the house and to get his own place but he has refused. The words used there are well we've got a f'in kid together now so your f'in stuck with me.
All I want to do is wake up from this nightmare. I've already lived through an abusive marriage and survived and now it seems it is all going to happen all over again but this time he isn't going to leave.
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06-12-2016 19:58 #1
06-12-2016 20:07 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
I have no advice, but I wanted to send you hugs and support.
06-12-2016 20:08 #3
I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time @babybeeno1. You and your boys deserve much better than the way your dp is treating you. I don't know what to say other than to send hugs. I hope someone else has something more useful to offer.
06-12-2016 20:15 #4
No advice either but I am so sorry you are going through this. You and your boys deserve so much better. Massive hugs
06-12-2016 20:16 #5
Huge hugs. I don't know what to say to offer advice. I'm not sure what you would do. Perhaps seeking some legal advice or speaking to the police would be a starting point. If you're paying for health insurance, take his name off your policy, and anything else that he should be paying for.
He can't say it's your house, you pay for everything, and then refuse to leave when you ask him to. I don't know where you would stand on changing the locks, or any ramifications on doing so, and calling the police for trespassing if he refuses to leave?
You deserve so much better, and I am so glad you have kept a written diary of what has been happening.
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Wise Enough (07-12-2016)
06-12-2016 20:19 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2014
That sounds truly awful. And really disturbing and selfish that he is not contributing financially to your child together and life together. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Yes the first year is the hardest. Babies are hard and tiring (as you well know!) and add a different dimension to the relationship. But none of that is an excuse for what he's doing. It sounds like he's treating you very badly and not supporting you at all emotionally, practically or financially. None of that is ok.
It's hard to say what to do but it sounds pretty miserable and you and your sons deserve more than what you're getting. If I was in your shoes I'd be sitting down for a serious conversation about how you're a team and teams work together and put forward a reasonable financial expectation. Everyone does finances differently but as a minimum your ds2 is half his child he needs to be paying at least half the cost of raising him plus half bills plus half groceries everyday living expenses etc. otherwise um you have a freeloader and essentially 3 kids to provide for instead of 2.
Next I'd be asking him what the actual problem is and what you need to happen from here to move forward. Maybe counseling? An agreement as to who is responsible for what around the house, with kids etc? And if he is agreeable you can start with that and go from there and see if you can then get back to friendship and love.
If he's not willing to change or doesn't acknowledge the problems then he's putting the ball into your court to decide whether this is the life you will accept. If not then it will be up to you to end the relationship and then somehow get him out of the house.
The fb thing sounds dodgy and immature. Everything you've said about him here sounds immature and selfish. Sorry
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06-12-2016 20:45 #7
I don't have any advice but wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this. How was your relationship before your baby was born?
06-12-2016 21:12 #8
I'm so sorry this is happening for you.
If as he says, it's your house and you're responsible, then you can also decide who lives in that house.
Obviously if he doesn't leave when you ask him to, that complicates things. But it's not impossible.
Having children together should mean both adults are taking responsibility of the kids, not that you have to take care of him with nothing in return.
It sounds like he is being abusive. If you want to pm me I'm happy to help you find a family violence service in your area who may be able to help with counselling and support as well as some advice on how to proceed from here. That may or may not be making him leave, but it may help you whatever you choose to do.
06-12-2016 21:48 #9
Omg how terrible. Huge hugs! xx
Personally I would be showing him the door. On one hand he says it's your house your responsibility but then on the other he refuses to leave?
06-12-2016 22:10 #10Senior Member
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