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  1. #11
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    It's a good idea to have in mind when I can finally discuss it, thanks for the suggestion The more different ideas for working it out the better

  2. #12
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    Default Moving in together and sleeping arrangement issues...

    Good on your boyfriend for being such a Loving devoted dad.

    You have only been together for 18 months. That's not long in the big scheme of things. Are you sure he is ready to move in with you?

    Are you sure you want to pour your heart and soul into doing what is needed to ensure his daughter is comfortable with yet another change to her family dynamic? Even if it means sleeping alone or bed sharing for a few months? Because anything less that putting the child first will end in disaster.

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  4. #13
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    I agree with renting first. Even just with a 6 month lease of you can get it.
    Putting the co-sleeping aside for a second, I'd be concerned about merging assets with someone who wasn't prepared to have the potentially uncomfortable conversations.
    As for the co-sleeping, agree with PP, about it not being creepy, but concerned about the lack of nature conversation about it. Accusing you of jealousy and getting defensive doesn't sound great.
    Whose needs are being met here?
    If he was open to DD sleeping in her own room, maybe if you do move in together, she could be involved in choosing a new bed maybe? Or decorating her room into a safe, happy place for her.
    I'm also curious about what this means for you as a couple. On the week she's with you, do you all share? If so, what about your comfort? Or do you get left alone?

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  6. #14
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    Where does he expect you to sleep though when she is there? It's unfair if every second week you are being kicked out of 'your' bedroom and I'd be concerned that it's teaching your DSD that she has the upper hand in the long run (I feel I'll be slammed for that, I know I haven't worded well what I'm trying to say)

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  8. #15
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    You really are in a difficult situation. You being the newby on the scene.. Means your needs are already second. Would I want to put myself in this situation for love., it is a big gamble with the house purchase. With things staying as is it would be a big sacrifice on your behalf. His reluctance to discuss it would be a big red flag for me. I would be running for the hills.. But that is only me! Good luck.. Tricky spot you are in.

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  10. #16
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    Sorry if I am a bit slow but reading your signature, are you still doing ivf? Just because I had terrible insomnia and nausea through pregnancy and ended up moving into the spare bedroom by myself.

    should that happen to you, all this stress would be over nothing?

  11. #17
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    When my now husband and I got together, I made it very clear that I was not comfortable having his girls (6 and 8 at the time) come into our bed. I knew that his ex wife would also be extremely unhappy about it (and I don't blame her one bit). It was just a non-negotiable for me, and fortunately my husband understood.
    I think you really have to stand your ground on this one. You might have to tell him that whilst you love him, you're going to continue to live on your own until his daughter is sleeping in her own bed.

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  13. #18
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    To VicPark, of course I feel ready, otherwise I wouldn't be so concerned at how she might adjust to the change and be trying to have a conversation about taking action that will make it easier for her. Her needs are absolutely at forefront of my mind. And yes, good on my DP, he is amazing and his devotion to being a Dad is a big part of the attraction for me.
    That doesn't mean it's not okay to want my own space. I'm pretty sure that plenty of bio parents also don't want their kids in the bed every night at 7 and try to work on the situation together.


    NORgirl, that is a good point! Though the problem is more the not being able to discuss it than the possibility of sleeping in another room iykwim.

    Thanks for all your replies. I have to go with my gut, it doesn't feel right to move in to a house where I can't talk about how I'd like to live in it.
    Last edited by Jellyblush; 04-12-2016 at 07:45.

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  15. #19
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    Hm it's a tricky one. I personally am not a huge co-sleeper, but many families are, and obviously your partner is with his DD, & I dont know if you can change that. What if it were your child - will you ever allow your own biological children to co-sleep, or will they also be expected to stay in their own beds, all night, every night? I do think he needs to be able to talk about it, because this, & many other things I'm sure, will be an issue for your family as you blend together. If it's a deal-breaker for you, you need to tell him, because like it or not, you cant force them to stop co-sleeping when they are both happy with the arrangement. Good luck, I dont envy the situation you are in - it must be so difficult navigating all the issues of becoming a blended family.

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    In your defence you are thinking about the issues ahead of time instead of rushing in. When you do make a move you will be set up for success moreso than those that rush in and don't try to work through potential potholes.

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