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  1. #1
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    Default Struggling with my wife's anxiety

    My wife has anxiety and I’m really to struggling to deal with it. She is really stressed out at the moment, her anxiety is the worst it’s even been. I keep on pushing harder and harder to try and do things to help and take some of the day to day load off her, but it doesn’t seem to help. She was out all day Sunday for a friend’s birthday and I was running around with 3 energetic kids all day, we had a great time, but when she came home in the evening she was super stressed because she had work the next day and had some emails she had to write. I went to bed tired and stressed and woke up Monday with a full on week of work facing me. She was snapping at the kids Monday morning, I got to work just feeling tired, stressed and empty. I know she’s struggling, but I don’t know how to help or what I need to do. We are arguing constantly and although I’m not suicidal or depressed I sometimes think if I was attacked by a shark or something like that it wouldn’t be such a bad thing. I have no escape. I go to work and I’m under the pump and stressed, I go home and it’s even worse, sleep used to be something that gave me relief, but now I lay awake at night stressed. Things like having a shower give me some peace and relief. I can’t do this for another 10+ years. I can’t do this for another month. I know I’m writing like it’s all about me, I’m just not sure what to do or what to say or what I can do to stop the stress and anxiety. I’m sure it’s killing her, but it’s also killing me.

  2. #2
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    My partner also suffers anxiety so I get where you are coming from. They are definitely not the only ones who suffer.
    Have you and your wife been to your gp for an assessment and mental health plan? Has she seen a psychologist? Have you?

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    DrewS  (28-11-2016)

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    You can't be expected to deal with this on your own with no experience in this area. I highly recommend you seek counseling/support. Does your workplace have a link with a counseling organization? A lot of places offer 6 free confidential sessions.

    Hope you get the support you need to continue and find some peace/happiness.

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    DrewS  (28-11-2016)

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    I too was going to suggest counselling for you. You need an outlet to release your stress, a safe place to talk.

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    DrewS  (28-11-2016)

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    I also recommend counselling.
    I suffer anxiety, I know when it's at its worst it is really difficult to see through it, it's such a selfish disease and it's easy to forget that what your feeling makes life harder for your partner.
    My husband and I spent some time in counselling so we could talk in a safe environment about what he was feeling, what the anxiety was doing to me and constructive ways to deal with it. When my anxiety is starting to rear its ugly head I always make sure I let my husband know what's happening and if I he starts to feel the pinch he calmly lets me know. Because of the counselling and understandings my illness and his feelings he can safely talk to be without me snapping at him like I did before we got some help. It's worth it.

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    I am the person who has anxiety in the relationship.

    She needs to seek help. But I know it is something she needs to do of her own accord.

    If she will not see someone please see a GP to get a referral for some counselling for yourself and also some resources for her as well.

    I am sorry it is so hard on you. It is never easy to be a partner to someone with a mental illness.

    As hard as it is (and it sounds selfosh) but you need to take care of yourself too.

    Is she/will she get help?

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    DrewS  (28-11-2016),Tdez  (22-11-2016)

  11. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    I am the person who has anxiety in the relationship.

    She needs to seek help. But I know it is something she needs to do of her own accord.

    If she will not see someone please see a GP to get a referral for some counselling for yourself and also some resources for her as well.

    I am sorry it is so hard on you. It is never easy to be a partner to someone with a mental illness.

    As hard as it is (and it sounds selfosh) but you need to take care of yourself too.

    Is she/will she get help?
    Thanks for the replies. My workplace does have counseling services available, so that's something I will look into. She has had counseling before, but doesn't seem that interested in going again, although she did find it useful. But I don't really think it has benefited her. She almost seems to thrive on anxiety and need extra stress in her life. She takes on loads and loads of things and then everything comes crashing down on her. We had a full on week a month ago, loads of things going on at school, with both our works, we had various social occasions, so it was a really busy time, then she wanted to get organise various tradies to do very non-urgent work e.g pressure-cleaning the paving. We could have done it the next week as well as getting other guys in to quote for security cameras and other stuff. So we were both run off our feet trying to do everything plus arrange time so we could meet the tradies...inevitably she exploded at the end of the week and I got the blame because she was carrying a lot of the mental load i.e arranging the tradies... So it some ways I just don't understand her anxiety. Why when you are stressed, tired and under the pump would you take on more stuff, it should be the other way around. I struggle to talk to her about it, because she doesn't seem to get it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DrewS View Post
    Why when you are stressed, tired and under the pump would you take on more stuff, it should be the other way around. I struggle to talk to her about it, because she doesn't seem to get it.
    I do understand this in a way. I think it's a compulsion to get everything 'ticked off the list' because you think doing that will make you feel better overall. So you find everything that needs doing and try to get it done when you are at your highest level of stress.

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    Set a timer where she sits for a minute each day. After the week increase it to two, then 4mins then 8mins and soon you will have it a half an hour.

    Tell her she is not allowed to organise a single thing in this moment.

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    Yogis Mumma  (10-12-2016)

  15. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Candiceo View Post
    I do understand this in a way. I think it's a compulsion to get everything 'ticked off the list' because you think doing that will make you feel better overall. So you find everything that needs doing and try to get it done when you are at your highest level of stress.
    Yep. I'm the same. When I'm really anxious and stressed I'll take the house apart!
    I recommend you be honest. Be brutal in that you are incredibly unhappy and if something doesn't change you would consider leaving..
    As someone whose an incredibly anxious person is sometimes helps to have that verbal slap across the face.
    Good luck. I hope she listens and gets some counselling. Or she may open up and say some honest things back. Maybe neither of you are happy? Three kids is stressful!

    Any chance of taking them to a friend or grandparents for the day and taking her on a surprise outing to a National Park or somewhere she is forced to relax?

    All the best with it.


 

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