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  1. #1
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    Last edited by Candiceo; 21-11-2016 at 18:31.

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    Were you meant to delete your post @Candiceo?

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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Were you meant to delete your post @Candiceo?
    Yes but it's not giving me the option to delete on my phone

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    I may as well just ask and see if anyone replies. Does your partner listen to you? If you have very different perceptions on how parenting should be done do you compromise, or do you do it your way and they do it their way?

    We have the latter going on at the moment. Just wondering if it works out in the long run or not?

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    Ok DH has very different views on parenting than me. But over time has come my way. It's been hard and we still have differences. I just send him lots of links to research, give him books and articles to read. I try to explain the difference in DS2's behaviour with me versus him etc...

    My ex (DS1's father) had very different views and never reconciled that. We lived in separate homes so there were two sets of rules. It caused a lot of conflict for DS1.

    I would imagine it would cause a lot of conflict if it was occurring in the same house. Will your DH go to counselling to talk about the differences in your parenting? Kids need consistency.

    Not sure that helps!

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    Candiceo  (23-11-2016)

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    DH and I agree on most things but there are definitely things that we do differently. I think it's all about compromise though. He knows what is important to me and vice versa and we try to talk things through.

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    Candiceo  (23-11-2016)

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    I think it would be pretty rare to have two people completely aligned when it comes to parenting. The most important thing, in my opinion, is that you discuss any of these issues away from the child, rather than calling one another out when you're in the middle of doing something (unless it's dangerous, of course).

    I think kids can adapt to some parenting differences, much like having a different routine at childcare/preschool/school, as long as those differences aren't too drastic.

    When dh or I are opposed to something the other does, we discuss it and try to get on the same page. I explain why X works, as opposed to Y.

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    Quote Originally Posted by binnielici View Post
    Ok DH has very different views on parenting than me. But over time has come my way. It's been hard and we still have differences. I just send him lots of links to research, give him books and articles to read. I try to explain the difference in DS2's behaviour with me versus him etc...

    My ex (DS1's father) had very different views and never reconciled that. We lived in separate homes so there were two sets of rules. It caused a lot of conflict for DS1.

    I would imagine it would cause a lot of conflict if it was occurring in the same house. Will your DH go to counselling to talk about the differences in your parenting? Kids need consistency.

    Not sure that helps!
    It's not so much conflict it's just depressing i guess. I sometimes wonder if I'm too picky but the same thoughts come back over and over.

    Have discussed counseling with DP. Answer is always the same - you go if you have a problem. Absolutely won't consider going with me.

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    What sorts of issues or differences have you come across?

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    Candiceo  (23-11-2016)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Candiceo View Post
    Have discussed counseling with DP. Answer is always the same - you go if you have a problem. Absolutely won't consider going with me.
    Just a on this point. It makes me wild when people have this attitude. If your partner/spouse has a problem and is unhappy, then you both have a problem in my books.

    But, I can highly recommend going to counselling on your own if you have the means. Firstly, it can either give you some perspective or confirm your feelings. Secondly, a great counsellor can give you valuable insight into a partner or into your own feelings. Thirdly, they will give you some great tools to manage conflict.

    My observation is that often if one person goes to counselling and regularly returns refreshed, or newly confident, or more able to be assertive, then often the other randomly decides it might be a good idea.

    As for the parenting aspect. Obviously I am separated and we co-parent now, but both when we were together and now we are apart, we have some fundamental differences in how we like to parent. I try to pick my battles and try to ask myself if it's merely frustrating or if it has the potential to harm DS physically or emotionally.

    I agree with sending links, info to read though. Seems like my opinion sometimes matters less than random articles from the Internet!

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