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  1. #11
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    I would insist on the account being disabled and I would confiscate phone, ground, punish in some way until its done. Also discuss with other mum to ensure both girls get it.



    I don't see the point in pussyfooting around. She is 16 this is dangerous.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by mummymaybe View Post
    I don't see the point in pussyfooting around. She is 16 this is dangerous.
    I know. I'm beyond furious with her.

    ETA the fact she thinks it is funny and is so blaise about it concerns me a lot. I really don't know how to get through to her. She is usually so sensible and mostly mature for her age. I'm going to have think long and hard about what to do.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 20-11-2016 at 19:53.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by SSecret Squirrel View Post
    I know. I'm beyond furious with her.

    ETA the fact she thinks it is funny and is so blaise about it concerns me a lot. I really don't know how to get through to her. She is usually so sensible and mostly mature for her age. I'm going to have think long and hard about what to do.
    It's a hard situation. My younger sister did a similar thing at a similar age, though much worse as along with attracting an unsavoury male audience, the account eventually evolved into a vehicle to bully a girl that she and her friends weren't getting along with. At the time, she thought it was hilarious, and it was impossible to get through to her. Now, almost 8 years later, she's absolutely ashamed of it. Although they resemble adults in many ways, I think teenagers sometimes struggle to see the 'big picture', if that makes sense?

    I have no advice, but wanted to leave hugs and support. I hope you are able to find a way to get through to her about it.

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  5. #14
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    I think talking with the friend's parents is a good idea. Can you sit them down together and talk to them about the potential dangers of something like that?
    Maybe also the school - have they had cyber safety conversations?
    I know I might sound like I'm overreacting but I've seen something similar and watched it get out of hand very quickly. Even if your DD and her friend don't think they can be identified, they have all their mutual friends, some of them may not have good privacy settings which will give away town/suburb, potentially school if they have photos wearing uniforms. It's amazing the little details in photos and Facebook that can give away so much private information

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  7. #15
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    I agree with a PP, make her disable and delete the account. I'd meet with the other girls parents and the girls and have a chat about it, the dangers etc, make them delete the account while you're all watching and give consequences for the behaviour.

    If you talk about the consequences with the other parents first you can give the same punishment which in my mind at the ver least be grounding and either taking away pocket money or another price ledge for a certain amount of time.

    Now is a great time to reiterate to her that although she's now mature enough to be more independent and make her own decisions, you're still her mum and you still know better and you're not a pushover by giving her a consequence.

    Good luck with it all!

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    I would look up Carly's law I think it's called where the school girl was chatting online ended up being a family member and brother I think. They murdered her. just to show her what can happen.

    Please go hard on this. I would confiscate the mobile and replace with basically a $29 phone from Coles. Just so she can phone you.

    Social media is dangerous. Snapchat etc. girls and guys don't seem to care. I would be grounding her for sure.

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    Default Is it possible to disable my daughter's facebook account?

    Maybe watch Audrey and Daisy with her on Netflix? It's a documentary about bullying and social media getting out of hand, not exactly the same thing as it's about how two girl's lives were ruined due to s3xual rumors being spread but may help her be more open to the conversation about how quickly it can all get out of hand if she watches a true story about girls her age? Catfish the movie as well as that is essentially what she is doing, although I haven't watched the movie so not sure if there's a good lesson in it, I assume there is.

    ETA: definitely disable the account and change wifi or take phone but my above paragraph is to hopefully help her understand why it's a big deal.

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    I have been thinking about this for the past couple of hours. It's such a tricky one. Just offering some different thoughts (not sure how much I agree with myself just yet!)

    I'm just not sure how effective a consequence would be for a 16 year old, especially given that she was open about what she was doing. I think the fact that she was open is a blessing and a testament to a good relationship between the two of you. Banning Facebook or taking her phone away is likely just to take her behaviour underground, particularly if she has minimal understanding for the impact of her behaviour.

    However, talking it through is vitally important, and I believe that it would be ok to threaten consequences for something similar in the future. There is a fine line between sh!ts and giggles and, say, identity theft, catfishing, endangering herself and others, and hurting friends. There are a lot of lessons here that can be learnt the hard way, and obviously you would prefer that she didn't have to.

    The fact that these girls have had a fake profile is one thing, and the morals on that aren't black and white, but the fact that this profile was clearly open enough to be getting friend requests from strangers is alarming and what I would be focussing on.

    Perhaps you could direct an acquaintance to the profile and find out just what can be learned from visiting it and looking at friends etc? (Not someone who knows much about your daughter). That might be very powerful indeed and proof to her that you aren't just being dramatic.

    Is she reasonable enough to talk out some clear expectations from now on? As in, you expect her to change passwords, show you her activity on social media, be Facebook friends with you, anything you'd like to implement, with the future consequence being she will lose her phone and access to the internet if she breaks your trust or refuses to show you things when asked.

    I don't know what I'd do to be honest, but I just feel there is a strong learning opportunity here and a relationship of trust that needs to be protected for your daughter's wellbeing.

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  12. #19
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    Good points harvs. Maybe don't ban from Facebook, but the fake account definitely needs to be deleted and you need to check her privacy settings on her own account.

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    I think having her as friends is one thing. But having a password is different.

    I post things and hide it from people as I know it offends people. EG my stance on how I feel towards politics etc or photos of kids they are shared between family only. Hope I'm making sense.


 

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