Hi my relationship with my partner has ended we have a 9 month old baby
its ended due to my drinking. She came from a family with an abusive drunk dad so was very critical about drinking. and i like to have a 6 pack a night. im not argumentative or physically aggresive but its been ongoing and she has decided to call it quits.
We are planing to goto mediation for child custody. and im just wording what should i do? how should i act i want 50% custody but i know she is going to paint a grim picture that im an alcoholic...
ive decided to quit drinking all together for the mediation, I have never experienced anything like this before and i dont know whats going to happen.
can anyone please give me a run down of the process and am i screwed because shes going to bring the case im an alcoholic?
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20-11-2016 14:58 #1Junior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2016
20-11-2016 16:57 #2
Hi JC welcome to bubhub. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Congratulations on quitting alcohol that's a really powerful step. I have no knowledge that could assist you here, but quitting would be vital I'm sure. There will be plenty of ladies here who can help there. Best of luck x
22-11-2016 14:27 #3
I'm going to be critical first. I'm not going to be nice about it as I think this needs to be said. This is my personal view as a dad.
1) You have 6 drinks a night. Your partner asks you to stop as she comes from negative environment as a result of alcohol abuse. You keep drinking. You may be a high functioning alcoholic but you had a choice between your partner and baby or the drink and you chose to keep drinking because you like ... "6 drinks a night". Do you still think are aren't an alcoholic?
2) "ive decided to quit drinking all together for the mediation". This should read "ive decided to quit drinking forever for my partner and my baby". Quitting to try look good at mediation is not going to mean much. Quitting after the fact doesn't mean much. You chose drink over your partner and baby. Maybe you should reconsider if you think you are an alcoholic.
3) 50% care. This wouldn't happen even if you were sober. No court will ever give 50% custody of a child that young. You're going to have to wait at least several years till your kid is old enough. You said you were quitting just for mediation. Do you honestly think you would hand over your baby to someone who has 6 drinks a night and give them overnight care of a baby? If you decide to quit drinking forever and you look for week-end visits for starters then over time (years) you could look for increased care.
4) You only decided to stop drinking after she left you. Better late than never but you should have stopped when she asked you. I'm repeating this as you need to read it and understand. You had a choice between drink and your family. Which did you choose at the time?
I know this is not what you wanted to read but I believe your partners reaction is correct and her facts are correct by your own admission in this forum. Firstly you need to admit it yourself then do something about it and maybe over time you might even win back your partner. You need to choose to change. Then prove to your partner you have changed for good by keeping your promises for years to come.
My suggestion. You accept what she asks for in mediation. Lying about it will just strengthen her case if it goes to family court.
Last edited by Xanthic; 22-11-2016 at 14:29.
22-11-2016 14:46 #4
I hate to pile on here but I agree with Xanthic. You have a drinking problem.
You need to sort that out before you EVER place yourself in a situation where you are the sole carer for an infant, toddler or child. Not only for the child's benefit but also for yours. Imagine if something happened & you could not do the right thing because you were over the limit.
I realise 6 beers may not affect you very much but that is not the point. ANY impairment that might result in danger to a kid is to be avoided at all costs.
However you have posted here so you obviously want to re-connect with your family I just think you need to wake-up and realise that stopping drinking for mediation is not enough. You want to be involved, step up and do more.
I wish you all the best
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