how do we assure we are not setting up negative relationships from not feeling inwardly loved and how do we work on this to change it. apparently its common but i would like to learn more about this. 2 people have chatted to me lately of their own journeys with negative relationship patterns they might set up because inside they dont feel they deserve love. How can i learn more about this to assure i believe that i deserve love and to be sure that i will set up good patterns in the future .
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18-11-2016 15:16 #1Junior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2016
deserving love and breaking negative love relationship patterns
18-11-2016 16:59 #2
That's a hard one and I am definitely no expert, but I think that there are several things-
I think not "settling" because you don't believe you deserve better is obviously a big thing. There are soooo many different people in this world, and just because the person you are with is a certain way, doesn't mean everyone else is, so I think knowing what you want is important.
Also being happy to be alone. I think if you aren't afraid of being alone you are less likely to settle and accept unhealthy things just to be with someone/anyone.
I think self-reflection is important, and being able to look back on failed relationships and being brutally honest about them; analysing why it failed, your part, the other person's part, what attracted you to that person (the good and bad), etc.
And looking at the entire dynamic of the relationship. I think sometimes it is easy for us to fall into relationships that are familiar to us, so if things have always been done a certain way in our relationships, we tend to probably feel more comfortable with those things; even the parts that aren't healthy (for instance, if you have always had a joint bank account and your partner has always looked after the finances you would probably feel quite comfortable with that happening over and over again, and the idea of separate accounts could be quite scary, even if the shared bank accounts had led to you losing independence and control.) So those things are probably things to consider.
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