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  1. #31
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    I don't do class parties simply cause we can't afford it. But my DS had been one of the only boys not invited to the "all boys in the class" party, same for my DD. DS was much more aware that he wasn't being invited than DD and he dealt with it much better than she did but we got round it trying to explain parties are hard and sometimes even with our best efforts it doesn't alway go the way it's planned. Was enough to move them past it.

  2. #32
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    That strikes me as rather unfair and poor form on the parents behalf.

    My DD2 is about to have a party and has invited 30 kids - thats spread over 3 kindy classes and her dancing friends.

  3. #33
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    Ah that's terrible. Bad judgement on the parents part.

  4. #34
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    Default WDYT... class party inviting the whole class except a couple of kids?

    Hmmm, I'm not actually sure where I sit. Coming from being the kid who was bullied and being an adult who suffers badly from FOMO, I'm thinking inviting 17 and not inviting 3, doesn't seem like excluding. Especially as the mum didn't seem to be trying to hide it.

    I do hate all of class parties as I think it's far too OTT and would cost an absolute mint, but is it excluding if 3 out of 20 aren't going?

    If she were the only one, hell yeah that's excluding and probably even 2 kids that's excluding. But 3...? I'm not entirely sure TBH.

    Some people just seem to be missing that logical thinking gene and wouldn't have thought much about it at all.

    I would perhaps ask the parent next time, any reason why X Y Z were excluded and see what she says.

    I also understand you being upset for her missing out on what the other kids have, but I'm just not sure it's deliberately excluding to be nasty.
    Last edited by A-Squared; 03-11-2016 at 22:06.

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post

    I also understand you being upset for her missing out on what the other kids have, but I'm just not sure it's deliberately excluding to be nasty.
    Doesn't really matter whether she's being nasty or not. Still hurts when it's your kid who is missing out.

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  7. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Hmmm, I'm not actually sure where I sit. Coming from being the kid who was bullied and being an adult who suffers badly from FOMO, I'm thinking inviting 17 and not inviting 3, doesn't seem like excluding. Especially as the mum didn't seem to be trying to hide it.

    I do hate all of class parties as I think it's far too OTT and would cost an absolute mint, but is it excluding if 3 out of 20 aren't going?

    If she were the only one, hell yeah that's excluding and probably even 2 kids that's excluding. But 3...? I'm not entirely sure TBH.

    Some people just seem to be missing that logical thinking gene and wouldn't have thought much about it at all.

    I would perhaps ask the parent next time, any reason why X Y Z were excluded and see what she says.

    I also understand you being upset for her missing out on what the other kids have, but I'm just not sure it's deliberately excluding to be nasty.
    I see where you're coming from. The mum may be thinking it's okay because there are 3 kids not going, and she's catering for kids outside the school. I think 5 would have been a better number to not invite in terms of having kids not feel excluded.
    I am really not a fan of whole class parties either...we've been to them when our kids aren't friends with the birthday girl/boy and it's clear that the child does not care about the extra kids who aren't close friends, the present pile is phenomenal, and our kids have fun...but not with the birthday kid. It just seems a bit pointless. I am glad that I live in an area where whole class parties are few and far between, as most just invite actual friends, and everyone understands that not everyone can go to a party. I cap party numbers at 10 kids, or 6 for a sleepover...someone is always missing out, but I always make sure the parents know that it's a numbers vs cost thing.

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  9. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Doesn't really matter whether she's being nasty or not. Still hurts when it's your kid who is missing out.
    Exactly, that's why I said the bit you quoted. I'm commenting on whether the intent was to exclude or something else, that would determine my level of upset I would direct at the parent. Of course it would still be upsetting and disappointing

  10. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by A-Squared View Post
    Exactly, that's why I said the bit you quoted. I'm commenting on whether the intent was to exclude or something else, that would determine my level of upset I would direct at the parent. Of course it would still be upsetting and disappointing
    I think for me her response of everyone except x,y,z is showing she was excluding those children. If she had said we've invited about 17 of the class then that to me says she has written down the childs friends and gone with that instead of here's the class list, you can't invite them all so which three are we taking off. It's hard to tell emotion from an email, she may have felt terrible writing that back and admitting it. I too would be slightly upset, I can remember being at school and excluded from a birthday party where they invited almost the entire school (we were a small school of prob 30-40 kids) and it felt horrible.

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  12. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Full House View Post
    I see where you're coming from. The mum may be thinking it's okay because there are 3 kids not going, and she's catering for kids outside the school. I think 5 would have been a better number to not invite in terms of having kids not feel excluded.
    I am really not a fan of whole class parties either...we've been to them when our kids aren't friends with the birthday girl/boy and it's clear that the child does not care about the extra kids who aren't close friends, the present pile is phenomenal, and our kids have fun...but not with the birthday kid. It just seems a bit pointless. I am glad that I live in an area where whole class parties are few and far between, as most just invite actual friends, and everyone understands that not everyone can go to a party. I cap party numbers at 10 kids, or 6 for a sleepover...someone is always missing out, but I always make sure the parents know that it's a numbers vs cost thing.
    Genuine question. If your child was invited to one and you didn't really know the birthday kid why would you go?

    If I felt the way others do about them I wouldn't go.

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    Default WDYT... class party inviting the whole class except a couple of kids?

    Think I'm in the 'parents bad judgement' camp here.. Excluding only 3 seems kinda cruel.
    Obviously there are kids who get along better than others, but if you make the decision to have a big party I think it's more appropriate to adopt the 'one in all in' policy..
    My cousin keeps her sons parties small, but one year invited the whole 8 year old class. A mother approached her at school pick up with tears in her eyes to say thank you, as her daughter had never been invited to anyone's party and was so excited. A small gesture that meant so much.

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