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  1. #1
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    Default How do you move forward?

    I'm wanting some tips or others experiences so I can resolve my feelings and move forward for the sake of my sanity and for my kids!

    There is so much back story but the main hurtful thing is that my mum and my MIL have been catching up and texting - *****ing behind hubby & my back.
    I'm not overly sure what about but these 2 have never been friends & from 2 different walks of life. But they both have mental health issues.
    I do know it's more around me - my life choices & not doing what they would like me to be doing - ie not visiting with the kids often, not allowing them to mind my children. There has been personal attacks - I am at my last straw as this is not the first time either have been hurtful - yet hubby & I support them.

    I'm struggling to not run away, move interstate ect. I'm usually so strong and can forgive/forget and move forward.. Please any tips help or experiences!!!

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    Sorry you're going through this. Me and my hubby have recently decided to go 'no contact' with his mum and my parents. It's a long time coming, and if they are not supporting you, only causing you harm and stress (which is sounds like they are) then perhaps you should consider it too. Try it for a month, then see how you feel after then. Basically, you have to stop enabling their poor behaviour towards you. Either they will stop their ridiculous, childish behaviour and hopefully apologise, or they will get angrier etc etc so you have to keep on with the no contact.
    You and your hubby are the children, they are the mothers; and there doesn't seem to be much mothering, just manipulation. Ehh no thanks

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    Thank you for your reply!
    This has been the icing on the cake & im totally over it. We have been pretty much no contact for awhile ( they keep trying to contact - phone calls / texts & thru other family members)
    I've struggled with blocking them completely out because of the kids. But I know conflict can be worse for kids ( I've been there as a child!)
    How did you come to the decision?

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    How did you find out this is happening? Blocking or cutting people from your life is a big decision. Sometimes the right one. But also hard to come back from if you change your mind

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    Quote Originally Posted by TheGooch View Post
    How did you find out this is happening? Blocking or cutting people from your life is a big decision. Sometimes the right one. But also hard to come back from if you change your mind
    Yes blocking or cutting people out of your life is a big deal - it's my last resort as I think of my kids! There has been many hurtful things done in my past.

    We found out as my BIL read the text messages - long story short that he was clearing phone to sell it & found the messages.

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    I actually came to the decision not too long ago after telling my dad about how a man he was friends with groomed me and was inappropriate with me etc. my dad defended the man and really let me down, again.

    My counsellor supported my going no contact until I can sort out my feelings/can respond without going ape sh$t at him.

    It has been a long time coming for my mum tbh. She is cold and unloving and I've put up with it for so long; I've had 9 miscarriages over the past 5 years and she's been NO help, in fact, she has actually been insensitive many times or just ignores the pain I go through. I'm pregnant again and very anxious so I can't deal with her ATM, so she's in the no contact basket too for a while, or indefinitely.

    The MIL is a different story, I've had almost little to no contact with her for over a year since she wrote me a horrendous email after a miscarriage and me and hubby were (understandably) going through a rough patch, and she laid into me because of it.
    Hubby only just last week joined me on the no contact camp because she sent him some text messages that were not intended for him, and were complaining about him in them! Poor hubby, he works so darn hard and is a great father and tries his best to call his parents/be a dutiful son (we live 7 hours away) but it's never enough for her.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Reina83 For This Useful Post:

    Littlemisshappy  (29-10-2016)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Littlemisshappy View Post
    I'm wanting some tips or others experiences so I can resolve my feelings and move forward for the sake of my sanity and for my kids!

    There is so much back story but the main hurtful thing is that my mum and my MIL have been catching up and texting - *****ing behind hubby & my back.
    I'm not overly sure what about but these 2 have never been friends & from 2 different walks of life. But they both have mental health issues.
    I do know it's more around me - my life choices & not doing what they would like me to be doing - ie not visiting with the kids often, not allowing them to mind my children. There has been personal attacks - I am at my last straw as this is not the first time either have been hurtful - yet hubby & I support them.

    I'm struggling to not run away, move interstate ect. I'm usually so strong and can forgive/forget and move forward.. Please any tips help or experiences!!!
    I had the same issue with Mil & their extended family.

    We moved interstate, it was convenient because we moved for DH work but it came at the right time.

    DH and I fought heaps when we first moved, but then it became bliss. No meddling, no anything.

    We moved back after 2 years and now everything we do is on our terms. The past still bothers me but I have learnt to deal with it. I haven't forgiven or forgotten but I'm respectful because she's my kids's grandparents.

    She still tries stuff but now we're able to see what's what and who's who.

    Good luck, family issues suck.

  9. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to misho For This Useful Post:

    Cicho  (23-10-2016),Littlemisshappy  (29-10-2016),Reina83  (24-10-2016)

  10. #8
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    We moved 2.5 hours away from both our families, and it saved our marriage. I know not everyone can do this, but truly it was the best move we ever made.
    I have been very low contact with my own mother for years. She doesnt have our home number, only my mobile. If she calls and I don't want to speak to her, I just let it go to messagebank.
    IL's are the same. Myself and DH haven't spoken to them since January. We had just had enough of their drama and needed some peace. It's really been nice.
    You are the one in control here. Practice 'finding your voice' so to speak and if your mother and MIL continue with their shenanigans, cut them off, even temporarily, so they know you mean business.
    Block their numbers from calling your phone. Refuse to discuss them with extended family. It can be done, but it's tough and takes practice. You may be seen to be the bad guy, but that won't last forever as others become aware of their scheming ways.
    Best of luck Xx

  11. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Cicho For This Useful Post:

    Littlemisshappy  (29-10-2016),Reina83  (24-10-2016)


 

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