Is this unreasonable?

[loislane2010]

DD is nearly 8 years old. She was asked to go to a friend's house for a sleepover last week...her first time.
I said to her last week that she need to prove that she was mature and responsible enough to go. Things she need to do was help around the house, be ready for school, do as i ask, show effort and focus at her training. Basically a bit more effort with everything.
She started well but by tuesday she was back to her her old ways of doing nothing and being lazy again. I told her tuesday she lost the sleepover and had to earn it back. Both DH and i dont think she did enough.

So sleepover day is here and we explained that if she helped me with house work for the whole morning she could earn it back.

She currently sitting on the floor of the kitchen having a tanty.
I explained that the choices are
1. help me for the whole morning with housework and go to the sleepover or
2. leave it for next week and help me a little bit every day for the week, show maturity and effort for the week and go to the sleepover next week.

Thoughts??

[bel2466]

Personally I don't threaten to remove a privilege if it affects another child such as not going to a friend's sleepover as the other child shouldn't have to suffer because of yours. Having said that I think it's important to follow through. Is your DD not helping as she's calling your bluff and thinks she'll still go? Make it clear then what you expect (and no it doesn't sound unreasonable) and then follow through with the outcome.

[harvs]

I think it's more than reasonable to follow through with the consequences you have indicated, in fact it's essential.

Just from reading your initial post, my suggestion would be to tweak your expectations a little so they are clearer and seem more achievable. 'Help more' and 'focus more' is kind of hard to quantify, iykwim?

I think if you want her to own it, you need her to identify what she thinks she can do ie unload dishwasher, be ready by 7.45, put her dirty clothes in the hamper etc etc - then it's easier for you both to track.

And maybe a discussion of what 'focus and effort' at training would look like to you?

As far as her behaviour this morning goes - I am very tough on that kind of 'tantrum' response because I think building resilience and coping through disappointment is crucial for children. So I wouldn't back down, no.

I think it's perfectly reasonable for an 8 year old to earn the right to special events, and I think the intent was spot on here, just maybe the execution could be tweaked a little?