Timely for me as I'd been clearing away last nights dishes (the ones that happened after dinner is cleared up and I was too tired at 9pm when kids finally in bed to tackle) thinking about my other thread about what people get done in a day. The realisation that it's not that I'm lazy or not just that I'm not organised (that is a factor) but that there is just soooooo much to do! And the juggle trying to fit it all in while also looking after a crazy toddler without just letting her watch tv all day. I actually ran to the toilet to have a little cry as getting out of this rut feels even more unlikely. How could I possibly study for a masters degree when I can't keep up with the basics? When I feel guilty for popping into bubhub for my only social interaction for the day because I think I should've used that time more productively? I need to start taking care of my health but can't exercise when ms2 is home so I also wasted time doing Pilates. Is that what life has to be all chores timetabled in? But my life doesn't work like that. Eg yesterday mr7 who has bowel issues has small accident while playing on iPad but doesn't tell me. He can't help the accidents but he knows he has to run to the toilet so he misses out on the last 2 mins. He had a mega meltdown / tantrum. The whole thing trying to get him to calm down and explaining again why he couldn't get that 2 mins back all took like 45mins! And something like this happens every day. Toddler won't nap, or won't go to bed; someone gets nits; something happens at school we need to talk it out. That's reality, life is messy.
I think I'm totally off point. I put ms2 in for an extra 5 hours of daycare today but I doubt I will get much done other than thinking. Reading this article I had another epiphany. It's not actually that I want or need a break from my kids necessarily. I need something outside of this house. That is much harder to find than daycare. I reckon if my mum and sister and her kids lived in this country and I could meet up with them regularly with ms2 I'd be a happy person. I might even be ok with being a sahm. I might not be freaking out inside that I have no career to go back to. I love being at home with my kids. I love spending time with them. What I can't cope with is the responsibility of nearly everything falling to me and never being able to call my mum and say can we come over for a cuppa and her playing with my kids.
How to change things in my life when this is something I can never have?