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  1. #1
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    Default Are the terrible twos real?

    I just read an article on another website saying that the terrible twos aren't real and "Tantrums during the “terrible twos” are caused by parents’ lax discipline and unrealistic expectations rather than being an inevitable part of child development, a behaviour expert suggests."

    What do you guys think? I've always believed that a two year old (or around that age) can't accurately express their feelings so that's why they tantrum and act out.

    Have your kids gone through the terrible twos? Do you think they're real?

  2. #2
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    No terrible 2s with my eldest daughter or my son but my eldest was a nightmare 3 year old and my youngest was hell from 18 months.

    I don't personally think 2 is a particularly difficult age. They're all bloody hard!

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    I definitely think it's developmental. I'm sure how parents deal with it has some bearing, but most children go through a diffucult stage regardless. I know I have parented all 4 of my children the same way and my 3rd is by far the worst in this stage. It's his personality and how he is reacting to this stage in development.
    I'm certainly not saying I'm the perfect parent (I try but no one is perfect) but I don't think the way I discipline him has much to do with how he is.
    Also in my experience, the difficult age is more like 2.5-3.5 years rather than from 2-3 like the "terrible 2's" term suggests.

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    I personally believe that the terrible two's is a bit of bullsh!t really. I mean l've been through it, dealt with tantrums and such but l think tantrums are a toddler's way of expressing themselves because verbally they are limited. My older kids are 9 and 11 and are in general great kids but still occasionally crack the sads when they don't get their way. Kids aren't perfect and we expect them to be little angels all the time.

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    I do think the "unrealistic expectations" plays a large part actually, a lot moreso than necessarily "lax discipline".

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marchbundle View Post
    Kids aren't perfect and we expect them to be little angels all the time.
    I really agree with this. I'm lucky, my kids are generally pretty good but when they crack it.... they really go for it. I try and tell myself that they have sh!t days just like I do. Sometimes it's hard to do that when they're melting down in the middle of a crowded public space and I'm dying of shame

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    While I don't necessarily think I've done anything different in my parenting the reality is the more kids I have at home the less attention they get so that can impact on their behaviour. I honesty believe my eldest was so easy as a 2 year old as she had no other siblings to compete with. I was her complete slave. The others have never had that level of attention from me. It's then I believe their personality plays a part. With my son it never bothered him my youngest daughter will scream until she has my attention.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Anjalee View Post
    I really agree with this. I'm lucky, my kids are generally pretty good but when they crack it.... they really go for it. I try and tell myself that they have sh!t days just like I do. Sometimes it's hard to do that when they're melting down in the middle of a crowded public space and I'm dying of shame
    Oh yeah my two eldest fight a bit, the6 do get along mostly but they do it at home. They on their best behaviour when we are out now but dd3 is only 7 months old so l expect she will do her share of tantrums and telling me no and whatever but it's how we react to it as parents l believe that determines their future behaviour. I also believe that a child's behaviour is a reflection of us as parents, however babies and toddlers are somewhat unpredictable so my previous statement is for older kids lol.

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    I didn't really get the terrible 2s with DS1. I think the 1's were harder. I remember thinking the 2's must have started early!

    But then DS1 was never much of a tantrum thrower. A sook maybe, but not a tantrum thrower. I think it's got a lot to do with the individual child's temperament TBH.

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    That's a good point @Sonja

    My eldest I think by nature is an easier going kid, and because it was just us for a while she didn't have frequent tantrums, which is what I was led to believe it would be like when she turned 2 ha. I mean, when she did have a tantrum it was epic and embarrassing, but it was rare IYKWIM?

    Where as my youngest is going through a stage at the moment where if I'm talking to her sister, she will literally grab my face and just shout Mum over and over until she has my full attention. Really need to work on it...


 

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