I have had such an emotional week. I don't know why its getting me so down lately. We have been ttc no.2 for 4 years now. Nearly 3 years ago our baby girl was born sleeping at 21 weeks since then I've been pregnant 3 times and lost each one. Usually I am ok. I count my blessings and feel grateful for the things I have in life, for my 6yr old daughter. But this week I am driving myself crazy. I just want to scream so bloody loud and cry and stay in bed forever. I looked at the special little box of our angel's yesterday. I just held her ashes and cried my eyes out. Why me? All i ever wanted was to be a mum and have lots of babies and its the one thing my body is failing me on. I know how badly dp wants more and I know its my fault we can't. I actually feel like its driving me to insanity, this want to hold my own babe in my arms. At the age I am literally everyone around me is falling pregnant or having babies. I wish it was that easy...... 😭😭😭😭 sorry, I realise this is such a selfish, downer post I just needed to get it off my chest.
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14-09-2016 22:03 #1
Feeling really sorry for myself right now
14-09-2016 22:24 #2
Oh hun. I'm so sorry your feeling like this. I can completely relate to your situation. My DP and I where trying for years naturally and with IVF until one day we had to get a new FS he pointed out something to me told me to have a particular surgery which I did and 5 months later I was pregnant at 38.5 naturally.
Can I suggest maybe seeing a counsellor to help you with your grief and even a gyno to see what is going on down there. A laporoscopy is what I had done. Turns out I had stage 3 endo and a fibroid tumour. I was able to get pregnant but not carry the children.
We have a 9wk old DS now
15-09-2016 05:17 #3
Oh Hun, I just want to send lots of love and hugs xx thinking of you
15-09-2016 05:27 #4
Life can be so unfair sometimes I am so sorry. I really do hope you get a sticky bfp soon
15-09-2016 06:15 #5
Hugs. It's ok to feel like this. You don't have to apologise. Let yourself grieve your losses, let the tears come. When you're ready pick yourself up, hug your beautiful DD and do something special together - get a pedicure or chuck sickies and keep her home for a mum and daughter day. Whatever you do take this time and allow yourself to feel this - then step forward. Xx
15-09-2016 06:27 #6
There is absolutely nothing "selfish" about your post or the way you're feeling. There is nothing on earth like losing a child and while the pain becomes more tolerable over time, it never goes away. I've lost 5, two of those were stillbirths. I too remember feeling like it was my fault and hating my body for failing my babies over and over. It's not your fault and the way you're feeling is completely normal.
I second what @babybeeno1 said about getting yourself checked out. There's a medical reason why you keep losing your precious babes and I'm a firm believer in not giving up fighting for what you really want in life.
Good luck x
15-09-2016 07:26 #7
I have a tear after reading that. I'm so very sorry for all you've been through I wonder sometimes why the kindest people seem to endure hell while horrible people seem to coast through life. We spent 4.5 years ttc our first and 3 years for our 3rd but we've never had a baby born sleeping so I can't imagine what you are going through. All I can say is you aren't being selfish and who could blame you for feeling all these emotions?
15-09-2016 09:04 #8Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2009
Huge hugs. What you are feeling is not wrong. You are allowed to grieve, be ****ed off or hate the world. You have lost 4 babies, it doesn't matter how big or small they were they were your babies and its normal to miss them.
15-09-2016 09:07 #9
Biggest hugs and love to you. There is nothing selfish about your post or the way you are feeling. I agree with a PP that a counsellor could be helpful to help you work through your grief X
15-09-2016 10:01 #10
So many hugs hon
It's perfectly understandable that you will have really rough days emotionally considering what you have been through. It's cruel and unfair.
Be kind to yourself, you are not selfish
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