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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Red face reporting pedophile family members to police (obvious triggers)

    Another sleepless night full of panicked nightmares & fear of being around people, combined with talking to staff here & my recovery clinician has me thinking again about reporting cousins who abused me for a long time during my childhood to police in the hope that maybe it will take away some of the power these men have over me to this day.

    Just wondering if anyone else has done anything similar, and whether or not it helped (some professionals believe it would be helpful for me, others think it will completely tip me over the edge). I know it will cause massive problems in my mum's already dysfunctional family (don't care) but I do worry it will cause issues between my dad & I as he would be left dealing with the fallout from my mum.

    Overall yet another decision to make that i feel completely incapable of right now yet feel like I need to.

    ETA - not sure where the smilie face on the topic came from

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Sweetheart if something like reporting abuse causes issues between you and someone else they're not worth your time or your worries. I know that sounds like one of those "it's easy for you to say" kind of things, but you're a victim of abuse. These people are your family. They should be supporting you all the way and if they're not, they honestly don't deserve you xx

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  4. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Oh Hun, this is something huge that you've had to live with over the years along with everything else that your over coming.

    It's a tricky situation as you know mum is a pain in the butt and you care for your dad more then anything else behind besides your DS.

    Maybe you could talk to your dad about it first and see how what he thinks as you said he is going to be in the firing line and his health hasn't been the greatest lately either. If he says to not report you'll have to see how you can go and how you feel about that it you could talk to your mum and dad together about it.

    If it where me I wouldn't give a toss about the disfunctioning family at all and I probably wouldn't care what my mother would think either.

    Your health which we know you struggle with is more important then anything along with survival and your mum needs to accept that no matter what hAppens

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I had a friend report a family friend for abuse. I'm not sure that it resolved anything for her, but I think it took a bit of a weight off her mind - that a report had been made. It was documented. If someone else came forward, there would be something else supporting their report. Her abuser wasn't charged with anything (I don't know the full details on the whys and wherefores), and this was hard for her to deal with initially. It felt like a slap in the face and as though she wasn't believed. She processed it with time though, and while she's still frustrated and angry about that, it's not as hard for her as it once was.

    The things she considered were:
    - Could she handle going into it in depth over and over?
    - Could she handle the questions that implied she had done something to contribute to her abuse/could have done something different/asking why she didn't come forward sooner/questioning the veracity of her report (basically all the victim blaming crap that seems to come with the territory which should just stop).
    - Who would she have as a support person? There are people who do this professionally, would she prefer this to someone she knows and trusts hearing all the details?
    - What happens if it is just a report and they can't go any further with it? How does that make her feel?
    - What happens if there is a full investigation resulting in prosecution? Can she handle that? Can she handle having to deal with a trial and all that involves?
    - What about the relationship fall outs? This wasn't as big a concern as the rest, but still something she considered.

    Regarding your dad - if you decide to go ahead, could you talk to him and let him know what you're going to do before you do it. Don't go into detail if you don't want to, but just give him the heads up?

    Hugs. Making big decisions is hard when you're able to rationalise and feel like your head is clear. When you're exhausted, depressed and anxious, it can feel impossible.

    Don't think. Your first thought - What's your gut instinct on whether reporting it would help you? If you're still not sure, maybe talking it over again with your recovery clinician would be a good idea.

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Tiny Dancer For This Useful Post:

    Summer (10-09-2016),SuperGranny (12-09-2016)


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